Joe Bloggs....Notice the pun ;)

There was a wee lad called Joe.
When he was young, if he had a fall, or anything 'bad' happened around him, his Mum would freak out, literally draw in her breath and totally react as if he had died!
Its not surprising that he learned at an early age to 'be careful'. His Mum was always telling him to do this. He didn't do it for himself. In fact, he was a bit puzzled about it. He did it for his Mum, because he hated to see her afraid.
He became a good little boy who never took chances in case he died right in front of his Mum. He learned that his Mum was much more relaxed and happy if he held in his natural instinct to run and climb and swing on ropes and speed down hills on his bike with no hands.
He learned only to do these things when she wasn't there, but, even then a 50% part of him felt tense about it. The part that doubted and believed his Mother's story that he might die.
This tense part stopped him really being able to judge what was dangerous because he would either be wary and think that everything was a danger (like his Mother's story) and this stiffened his muscles, causing slowness and more likelihood of accident, or he would rebel against tha, taking risks, getting a huge adrenalin rush to the point of feeling invincible, and have more near misses and accidents, and get addicted to the adrenalin.
If he had been picked up calmly after a fall, dusted down, given a wash and plaster, given a hug and had the danger calmly pointed out to him, how different would his behaviour have been after?
Possibly, he would have no tension at all while running, climbing and riding his bike, but he would be more aware from previous falls what risks there were, and could 100% enjoy the activity, be totally alert and act in safe way at the same time.
What did that 50% tension end up doing?
Did it really keep him safe, or did it stop him living life to the full?
Even worse, could it have hung around with him, being triggered over and over again every time he seen a 'risk'? Could it have spread to others around him when he grew up the way his Mother's fear did? Could he have found himself having to have a few too many drinks after he drove home in busy traffic to calm himself? Could he have found himself having to stick to a rigid routine to keep 'surprises' at bay? Could he have panicked each time his teenage daughter or son went out with their friends, because that 50% part felt like they might die? Could he have found himself trying to control everyone around him in order to minimise his own fear, even though he couldn't figure out what he was afraid of?
Then, after a while, after developing several addictions like alcohol, prescription drugs, work and computer games, insomnia and depression, he might have gone for therapy. The therapist might have told him that fear was normal and protected him from danger. They might have put his fear down to one or two of the many incidents he noticed in his life where he experienced fear. After talking these incidents through in detail (at £100 per hour!) and figuring out where he had made bad decisions, still his fear may have remained!
Why? Because it wasn't his fear to begin with! It was his Mother's!
And, guess what? His Mother's fear wasn't hers to begin with either! Ding ding!!
I meet lads and lassies like Joe all the time at my work! (But I don't charge £100 per hour!)
So, the next time you feel fear, don't try to analyse or judge it. Just find a way to calm it. We've all been carrying all this on for far too long! For generations!
Time to stop and live our life!
Find out the easy ways to do it on my website.
www.stressalternatives.co.uk.
Love and Plasters
Liz :)