Avoidance Behaviour

Hi
Today I decided to avoid a route I normally take during my work hours, where I do a lot of driving. The reason was because of those terrible speed bumps they recently put down on so many roads around the part of Edinburgh I work in. It bugs me that I have to slow down on those roads and get my car suspension assaulted every time I go down these roads.
The trouble is , they seem to be unavoidable at present, and if you don't have a tractor, a giant petrol guzzling 4 wheel drive, or a 2cv (made for driving over ploughed fields!) , you really can't avoid eventual damage or extra wear on your car. I suppose I could leave my car at home and never go out in it, thus restricting my lifestyle.
In life we can do the same. Some of us avoid anything too difficult because of the emotional discomfort it brings. If we stick to our safe routines we will lead a restricted life, and never experience the joy of succeeding at something we find challenging. We will also find ourselves getting depressed. Then when something changes in our life, and eventually it will, no matter how much we lead a sheltered life, we are devastated because we haven't learned any coping skills.
Another way we avoid the pain is to try and regulate our environment, by trying to control what others do, either by bullying or manipulation, or by getting addicted to food, alcohol, work, people, spending, activity, attention, or all of these! In this scenario, we have learned coping mechanisms, but they don't give us any lasting peace or real power because they rely on the world outside of ourselves. When we eventually come up against something we can't change, or do something external about, we also are devastated.
This is when we just have to accept that pain is a part of life. This is not to say that we can't do anything once we have recognised the pain and felt it. What we do, though, is remove it internally by making an intention to let it go and accept what is. It's not giving in. It's being pragmatic. I like that!
In reality, life allows us to do both avoiding and letting go. The more full our life, the more opportunities we have to eventually learn we can't control everything on the 'outside', and we let go without realising that's what we are doing. This makes us more resilient.
This is different from suppressing our emotions. We don't let go and we don't accept what is in this case. We just don't express them, and bottle them up, till the next time a similar situation comes along. I had the opportunity of doing this with the speed bumps today, when I came across more on the road I did go along. I could have got frustrated that I couldn't avoid them in the end, but I decided to have a smile to myself, and accept they are there to stay.
But once we know consciously that we can do this in every situation that we feel tension and subsequent emotion, we can tune into that emotion, and change it to a state of relaxation intentionally. To make it easier, we can use an energy therapy such as Z point process or emotional freedom technique. Both have great web sites to learn the process for self help use.
Some emotions and tension are so habitual that they are bound to come back later, but, like any new skill, eventually they will leave us if we persist in letting go.
The first thing is to start looking for pain as our opportunity instead of something to be avoided. Then it isn't such a bad thing after all!
Liz
www.stressalternatives.co.uk