Hey
It's been some time and I'm still plagued by thinking too much so here's some thoughts:
We don't half beat about the bush and create unnecessary suffering for ourselves!
I had someone come for help the other day (and many others like her in the past) who sincerely wanted to get better, so, after listening to her story, I started to suggest ways to quickly reduce her suffering.
'Yes, but', she said, 'What I really want is to find out why I keep feeling the way I do. I feel I won't get better till I know this.'
Now, psychotherapists and counsellers do this, and sometimes it even helps people to understand why they overeat, or self-harm in other ways, or get bad tempered or whatever. They get 'eureka' moments where it all makes sense why they feel guilty when a news item showing cruelty to animals comes on the telly, or why they become enraged by someone moving their carefully lined up tins of beans out of line. They cook up a theory with their therapist that sounds very plausable and intelligent, and they believe it because their therapist is the expert.
It's all very nice to get an explanation that satisfies our curious nature, and gives us a sense of knowing ourself a bit better, but, in the end, to stop the repeated patterns of behavior, we still have to let go and move on. Belief changing is one way to do this, which we can do with our therapist, or we can do in our daily lives.
For example, if we believe we are stupid, we find ourselves failing repeatedly at things academic, and we spend a lot of our time thinking self-deprecating thoughts. This belief creates a block to success. It might have come originally from an innocent comment from a parent or teacher. If we make a decision to let go of this belief, we can find ourselves succeeding in things we wouldn't have dreamt of succeeding in before, because we no longer get in a state when we are asked to use our brains or logic. We can think straighter!
But what if we just let go of the need to know why we feel bad, and just got on with dealing with it? What if, whenever we feel bad, we just use a technique like Z Point (www.zpointprocess.com) or letting go in other ways described on my web site www.stressalternatives.co.uk? Quite often, we get insights into the 'whys' when we use these techniques anyway.
Another thing we very commonly do that stops us dealing with it ourselves is blame others. We often will say that we can't feel better till that other person or the rest of our world acts in a certain way. We can't be happy till everyone lines up their tins of beans with the labels at the front or till our loved one stops being angry.
We don't need to know how a car works to get into it and drive it, so why do we insist on understanding how our minds work? It's just wasting time and creating unnecessary suffering.
Ultimately, we can ask ourselves, 'Do we want to know why, or do we want to feel better now?', or 'Do we want to change the world or start with ourselves?'
Honestly, it's that simple!
Love Liz
Saturday 18 October 2008
Friday 18 April 2008
Avoidance Behaviour
Hi
Today I decided to avoid a route I normally take during my work hours, where I do a lot of driving. The reason was because of those terrible speed bumps they recently put down on so many roads around the part of Edinburgh I work in. It bugs me that I have to slow down on those roads and get my car suspension assaulted every time I go down these roads.
The trouble is , they seem to be unavoidable at present, and if you don't have a tractor, a giant petrol guzzling 4 wheel drive, or a 2cv (made for driving over ploughed fields!) , you really can't avoid eventual damage or extra wear on your car. I suppose I could leave my car at home and never go out in it, thus restricting my lifestyle.
In life we can do the same. Some of us avoid anything too difficult because of the emotional discomfort it brings. If we stick to our safe routines we will lead a restricted life, and never experience the joy of succeeding at something we find challenging. We will also find ourselves getting depressed. Then when something changes in our life, and eventually it will, no matter how much we lead a sheltered life, we are devastated because we haven't learned any coping skills.
Another way we avoid the pain is to try and regulate our environment, by trying to control what others do, either by bullying or manipulation, or by getting addicted to food, alcohol, work, people, spending, activity, attention, or all of these! In this scenario, we have learned coping mechanisms, but they don't give us any lasting peace or real power because they rely on the world outside of ourselves. When we eventually come up against something we can't change, or do something external about, we also are devastated.
This is when we just have to accept that pain is a part of life. This is not to say that we can't do anything once we have recognised the pain and felt it. What we do, though, is remove it internally by making an intention to let it go and accept what is. It's not giving in. It's being pragmatic. I like that!
In reality, life allows us to do both avoiding and letting go. The more full our life, the more opportunities we have to eventually learn we can't control everything on the 'outside', and we let go without realising that's what we are doing. This makes us more resilient.
This is different from suppressing our emotions. We don't let go and we don't accept what is in this case. We just don't express them, and bottle them up, till the next time a similar situation comes along. I had the opportunity of doing this with the speed bumps today, when I came across more on the road I did go along. I could have got frustrated that I couldn't avoid them in the end, but I decided to have a smile to myself, and accept they are there to stay.
But once we know consciously that we can do this in every situation that we feel tension and subsequent emotion, we can tune into that emotion, and change it to a state of relaxation intentionally. To make it easier, we can use an energy therapy such as Z point process or emotional freedom technique. Both have great web sites to learn the process for self help use.
Some emotions and tension are so habitual that they are bound to come back later, but, like any new skill, eventually they will leave us if we persist in letting go.
The first thing is to start looking for pain as our opportunity instead of something to be avoided. Then it isn't such a bad thing after all!
Liz
www.stressalternatives.co.uk
Today I decided to avoid a route I normally take during my work hours, where I do a lot of driving. The reason was because of those terrible speed bumps they recently put down on so many roads around the part of Edinburgh I work in. It bugs me that I have to slow down on those roads and get my car suspension assaulted every time I go down these roads.
The trouble is , they seem to be unavoidable at present, and if you don't have a tractor, a giant petrol guzzling 4 wheel drive, or a 2cv (made for driving over ploughed fields!) , you really can't avoid eventual damage or extra wear on your car. I suppose I could leave my car at home and never go out in it, thus restricting my lifestyle.
In life we can do the same. Some of us avoid anything too difficult because of the emotional discomfort it brings. If we stick to our safe routines we will lead a restricted life, and never experience the joy of succeeding at something we find challenging. We will also find ourselves getting depressed. Then when something changes in our life, and eventually it will, no matter how much we lead a sheltered life, we are devastated because we haven't learned any coping skills.
Another way we avoid the pain is to try and regulate our environment, by trying to control what others do, either by bullying or manipulation, or by getting addicted to food, alcohol, work, people, spending, activity, attention, or all of these! In this scenario, we have learned coping mechanisms, but they don't give us any lasting peace or real power because they rely on the world outside of ourselves. When we eventually come up against something we can't change, or do something external about, we also are devastated.
This is when we just have to accept that pain is a part of life. This is not to say that we can't do anything once we have recognised the pain and felt it. What we do, though, is remove it internally by making an intention to let it go and accept what is. It's not giving in. It's being pragmatic. I like that!
In reality, life allows us to do both avoiding and letting go. The more full our life, the more opportunities we have to eventually learn we can't control everything on the 'outside', and we let go without realising that's what we are doing. This makes us more resilient.
This is different from suppressing our emotions. We don't let go and we don't accept what is in this case. We just don't express them, and bottle them up, till the next time a similar situation comes along. I had the opportunity of doing this with the speed bumps today, when I came across more on the road I did go along. I could have got frustrated that I couldn't avoid them in the end, but I decided to have a smile to myself, and accept they are there to stay.
But once we know consciously that we can do this in every situation that we feel tension and subsequent emotion, we can tune into that emotion, and change it to a state of relaxation intentionally. To make it easier, we can use an energy therapy such as Z point process or emotional freedom technique. Both have great web sites to learn the process for self help use.
Some emotions and tension are so habitual that they are bound to come back later, but, like any new skill, eventually they will leave us if we persist in letting go.
The first thing is to start looking for pain as our opportunity instead of something to be avoided. Then it isn't such a bad thing after all!
Liz
www.stressalternatives.co.uk
Friday 21 March 2008
Housework
Happy Easter!
I know I keep harping on about how much I dislike housework, but here's another blog about it.
Today, being Good Friday, I was having a lazy time at home this morning, surrounded by an unvacuumed floor, overflowing bins, dirty toilet etc etc. With everyone else who lives with me just as unwilling to clean the house (as within, so without!), I felt justified in sitting on my favourite (dirty) chair and reading Eckhart Tolle's latest book without guilt. (By the way, it's fantastic- and look at Oprah Winfrey's site to see him being interviewed about it).
Then a new turn of events took place. I received a phone call from my sister saying she might come round. Suddenly I sprung into action and ran around with the vaccuum cleaner and cleaning cloth with the purpose and efficiency of an old pro. (ie cleaning the bits of the house that would be seen by visitors!)
Now ordinarily I would have procrastinated and sat around a bit more, took the dog out, made some pancakes, went on the computer, watched that fascinating children's TV programme, but my sister has a lovely clean house that anyone can visit at a moment's notice, and frankly (hard to admit!) I worried about what she thought of me, and suddenly the energy to clean came from this!
It occured to me, how can we let go of the need for approval of others if it serves such a useful purpose? My house is cleaner as a result of this. In general, our behaviour is better as a result of holding on to this need. Having this in too much quantity though can result in obsessiveness about appearance, to the extent of getting a doctor to cut bits out of you, or add bits in! Or needing approval of your mates on a Saturday night can result in antisocial behaviour in our town centres. We act like sheep with our 'herd mentality' because of this need for approval. We join together with other like minded people, and anyone who acts differently is rejected and labelled and picked on. Originality of thought and individuality is discouraged. Those that do succeed in being different are those who know they are right, whether they are or not! If I had enough self-confidence to not mind what my sister thought, I wouldn't feel guilty about having a rest day, and my sister would respect me more because I respected myself more.
Have you ever been into a house where the person you visit goes so far as to voice their embarrassment about the state of the place? I do it all the time! I have to! (It's very Scottish!) Basically we are saying, 'I am less because I'm a bad housewife', whereas, if I paid full attention to my visitor instead of my housework neurosis. I would get more respect (unless the visitor has a huge housework and 'keeping up appearances' complex too!) My sister would come into the house and we could have a good chat and she wouldn't mind the mess because I wouldn't mind!
The Sedona Method (http://www.sedona.com/) teaches us to let go of wanting approval, because it's one of the three basic 'wants' behind our emotional pain. Anything 'wanting' means we never really get it until we let go of the 'wanting'. This is also what the Law of Attraction says. Don't pay attention to our 'wants' or they get bigger. We can still make plans to get what we want and act on these plans, but the plan will be the best plan if we don't need to get the thing so much ('needing' meaning wanting too much) .
If you go for a job interview 'needing' to get the job, your fear will show and your attention will be on the fear rather than the moments of the interview, ie you won't fully be present since half of you will be quivering in your designer boots! By the way, you wont go the opposite way by being calm, ie you wont turn up at the interview in your dirty jeans, not having prepared the information needed about the job or company. If you intend seriously to get the job, you will do the work needed and dress appropriately.Turning up unprepared in dirty jeans means you sabotage yourself too because of a different neurosis.
Anyway, back to my story about the housework, should I give up the need for approval when I have such a lazy attitude to housework? Maybe I should sort that one out first. It's too confusing! Probably I should just keep sorting out whatever comes up till I get some peace, but then I shouldn't 'want' the peace too much or I'll not get it!
Look at my website to find out my favourite ways. http://www.stressalternatives.co.uk/.
Liz
I know I keep harping on about how much I dislike housework, but here's another blog about it.
Today, being Good Friday, I was having a lazy time at home this morning, surrounded by an unvacuumed floor, overflowing bins, dirty toilet etc etc. With everyone else who lives with me just as unwilling to clean the house (as within, so without!), I felt justified in sitting on my favourite (dirty) chair and reading Eckhart Tolle's latest book without guilt. (By the way, it's fantastic- and look at Oprah Winfrey's site to see him being interviewed about it).
Then a new turn of events took place. I received a phone call from my sister saying she might come round. Suddenly I sprung into action and ran around with the vaccuum cleaner and cleaning cloth with the purpose and efficiency of an old pro. (ie cleaning the bits of the house that would be seen by visitors!)
Now ordinarily I would have procrastinated and sat around a bit more, took the dog out, made some pancakes, went on the computer, watched that fascinating children's TV programme, but my sister has a lovely clean house that anyone can visit at a moment's notice, and frankly (hard to admit!) I worried about what she thought of me, and suddenly the energy to clean came from this!
It occured to me, how can we let go of the need for approval of others if it serves such a useful purpose? My house is cleaner as a result of this. In general, our behaviour is better as a result of holding on to this need. Having this in too much quantity though can result in obsessiveness about appearance, to the extent of getting a doctor to cut bits out of you, or add bits in! Or needing approval of your mates on a Saturday night can result in antisocial behaviour in our town centres. We act like sheep with our 'herd mentality' because of this need for approval. We join together with other like minded people, and anyone who acts differently is rejected and labelled and picked on. Originality of thought and individuality is discouraged. Those that do succeed in being different are those who know they are right, whether they are or not! If I had enough self-confidence to not mind what my sister thought, I wouldn't feel guilty about having a rest day, and my sister would respect me more because I respected myself more.
Have you ever been into a house where the person you visit goes so far as to voice their embarrassment about the state of the place? I do it all the time! I have to! (It's very Scottish!) Basically we are saying, 'I am less because I'm a bad housewife', whereas, if I paid full attention to my visitor instead of my housework neurosis. I would get more respect (unless the visitor has a huge housework and 'keeping up appearances' complex too!) My sister would come into the house and we could have a good chat and she wouldn't mind the mess because I wouldn't mind!
The Sedona Method (http://www.sedona.com/) teaches us to let go of wanting approval, because it's one of the three basic 'wants' behind our emotional pain. Anything 'wanting' means we never really get it until we let go of the 'wanting'. This is also what the Law of Attraction says. Don't pay attention to our 'wants' or they get bigger. We can still make plans to get what we want and act on these plans, but the plan will be the best plan if we don't need to get the thing so much ('needing' meaning wanting too much) .
If you go for a job interview 'needing' to get the job, your fear will show and your attention will be on the fear rather than the moments of the interview, ie you won't fully be present since half of you will be quivering in your designer boots! By the way, you wont go the opposite way by being calm, ie you wont turn up at the interview in your dirty jeans, not having prepared the information needed about the job or company. If you intend seriously to get the job, you will do the work needed and dress appropriately.Turning up unprepared in dirty jeans means you sabotage yourself too because of a different neurosis.
Anyway, back to my story about the housework, should I give up the need for approval when I have such a lazy attitude to housework? Maybe I should sort that one out first. It's too confusing! Probably I should just keep sorting out whatever comes up till I get some peace, but then I shouldn't 'want' the peace too much or I'll not get it!
Look at my website to find out my favourite ways. http://www.stressalternatives.co.uk/.
Liz
Monday 17 March 2008
Sabotage 2
Hi Reader
Thought I'd make a list of common sabotaging beliefs that possibly could be stopping us all making progress in whatever we decide to do for improvement for ourselves, as a follow on from the last blog.
I'm ploughing my way through them myself to test them out, and invite you to do the same. The idea is, as I've said in the last blog, is to take the 'brakes' off and let whatever we do or intend have a smoother path.
Here are the beliefs and prior decisions:
- This is just the way I am/ I will always be this way;
- I must always be careful / cautious;
- I can't cope with life;
- It’s too much effort to do things differently;
- I am too sick to change;
- I am too tired/ I don’t have the stamina;
- I am too damaged/ I’ve been through too much;
- I don’t need to change. I just want to feel better;
- I will end up with more responsibility/ People will want me to do more/ I won’t be able to live up to people’s expectations;
- I don’t deserve to feel better/ I’m not good enough/ I deserve to suffer;
- It will change me and I will lose friends/ I will not be accepted;
- I’m not clever/ interesting/ creative/ good enough;
- Once I’ve made my mind up, I don’t compromise;
- I only want perfection/ I have to do things right;
- I can’t let go or I’ll make the same mistake again;
- I can’t let go or I’ll feel something worse;
- If I change I won’t feel safe/ Change is too scary;
- Life was meant to be hard;
- Nothing ever works/ I’ve tried everything/ I’m fooling myself;
- I am only a woman/ child/ uneducated/ an ordinary person;
- I don’t have time to change habits/ I’ll get round to it later;
- There’s no easy way/ The mind is too complex and should be left to the experts;
- My brain chemistry is defective;
- You can’t change your inheritance/ My parents were the same;
- It’s all so hopeless;
- Life is pointless;
- Others need to change before I can be happy;
- I need to be slimmer/ better looking/ get my degree/ be married to … and have children/ have a lot of money before I can be happy;
- I need an escape;
- I will always be a worrier/ loser/ struggle/ a failure;
- I want to die/ destroy myself;
- I need lots of support/ I can’t do it on my own;
- I don’t care/ I’m already in trouble and I’ve nothing to lose;
- I’ll live fast and die young;
- I know myself best/ no-one can tell me what to do any more/ what do they know?/ I’ve heard it all before;
- I will never get over this/ forgive them for what they have done;
- I trust no-one/ People are always trying to get one over on me;
- I don’t trust women/ men/ authority figures/ doctors/ new age theories/ religion……..;
- I’m only fooling myself that things can get better/ I will never be cured;
- I have no power over my life;
- I never get what I want;
- I’m too old to change now;
- My problems take years to get over.
Some of these will jump out at you as obviously relating to you and others not so much. My suggestion is to start work on the obvious ones first, and any that you come up with yourself, and try the following:
Start by taking each belief and asking, ‘What if this was not true?’ That puts some doubt into your mind. Then make an intention to let it go, because it is causing you pain.
Do this by saying to yourself, or out loud, ‘I make an intention to let go of the belief, ‘I will always be this way’, then move on to the next one.
Doing this with the aid of an energy therapy like Zpoint or EFT will make this process incredibly powerful, I think, so if you do it this way, take care to do only a few beliefs at a time, maybe about 4 or 5 max. Let me know how it goes for you. Love Liz
http://www.stressalternatives.co.uk/
Thought I'd make a list of common sabotaging beliefs that possibly could be stopping us all making progress in whatever we decide to do for improvement for ourselves, as a follow on from the last blog.
I'm ploughing my way through them myself to test them out, and invite you to do the same. The idea is, as I've said in the last blog, is to take the 'brakes' off and let whatever we do or intend have a smoother path.
Here are the beliefs and prior decisions:
- This is just the way I am/ I will always be this way;
- I must always be careful / cautious;
- I can't cope with life;
- It’s too much effort to do things differently;
- I am too sick to change;
- I am too tired/ I don’t have the stamina;
- I am too damaged/ I’ve been through too much;
- I don’t need to change. I just want to feel better;
- I will end up with more responsibility/ People will want me to do more/ I won’t be able to live up to people’s expectations;
- I don’t deserve to feel better/ I’m not good enough/ I deserve to suffer;
- It will change me and I will lose friends/ I will not be accepted;
- I’m not clever/ interesting/ creative/ good enough;
- Once I’ve made my mind up, I don’t compromise;
- I only want perfection/ I have to do things right;
- I can’t let go or I’ll make the same mistake again;
- I can’t let go or I’ll feel something worse;
- If I change I won’t feel safe/ Change is too scary;
- Life was meant to be hard;
- Nothing ever works/ I’ve tried everything/ I’m fooling myself;
- I am only a woman/ child/ uneducated/ an ordinary person;
- I don’t have time to change habits/ I’ll get round to it later;
- There’s no easy way/ The mind is too complex and should be left to the experts;
- My brain chemistry is defective;
- You can’t change your inheritance/ My parents were the same;
- It’s all so hopeless;
- Life is pointless;
- Others need to change before I can be happy;
- I need to be slimmer/ better looking/ get my degree/ be married to … and have children/ have a lot of money before I can be happy;
- I need an escape;
- I will always be a worrier/ loser/ struggle/ a failure;
- I want to die/ destroy myself;
- I need lots of support/ I can’t do it on my own;
- I don’t care/ I’m already in trouble and I’ve nothing to lose;
- I’ll live fast and die young;
- I know myself best/ no-one can tell me what to do any more/ what do they know?/ I’ve heard it all before;
- I will never get over this/ forgive them for what they have done;
- I trust no-one/ People are always trying to get one over on me;
- I don’t trust women/ men/ authority figures/ doctors/ new age theories/ religion……..;
- I’m only fooling myself that things can get better/ I will never be cured;
- I have no power over my life;
- I never get what I want;
- I’m too old to change now;
- My problems take years to get over.
Some of these will jump out at you as obviously relating to you and others not so much. My suggestion is to start work on the obvious ones first, and any that you come up with yourself, and try the following:
Start by taking each belief and asking, ‘What if this was not true?’ That puts some doubt into your mind. Then make an intention to let it go, because it is causing you pain.
Do this by saying to yourself, or out loud, ‘I make an intention to let go of the belief, ‘I will always be this way’, then move on to the next one.
Doing this with the aid of an energy therapy like Zpoint or EFT will make this process incredibly powerful, I think, so if you do it this way, take care to do only a few beliefs at a time, maybe about 4 or 5 max. Let me know how it goes for you. Love Liz
http://www.stressalternatives.co.uk/
Saturday 23 February 2008
Sabotage
Hi
Some of us have huge self-destruct buttons! Whenever we decide to do something that's good for us, we take one step forward and two steps back!. Life becomes a series of events in which we try to undo all the damage of the prior self destruct buttons being pressed.
Dieting is a great example of this. We have to go on it because we have been over-indulgent in the past and put on weight, then when we start on the diet, or the second we decide to go on the diet, we are sorely tempted by all the foods that will put the weight back on and more!
It would appear that we are always attracted to that which is bad for us! All of a sudden, whenever we decide to make improvements, we get obsessed by all the temptations that will do the opposite!
Whenever we decide to work on our confidence, we seem to fail at everything we try, or listen even more to all our negative thoughts about how useless we are. Whenever we decide to get out of our poverty consciousness, a load of unexpected bills arrive that make us give attention even more to the fact that we're skint!
It can appear that we are tempted by the devil! In fact, what is more likely is that what is active in our minds are our sabotaging beliefs that create tension and fear. They are our own 'demons' created by us in the past as a result of difficult experiences. At the time of formation they would have served a function as our attempt to make sense of the experience or to stop us getting hurt by any experience that is similar in the future.
For example, we might have experienced rejection by someone important to us, and often more than once, which could lead us to feeling empty and having a belief that we are unloveable, and that we can't trust people. Add to this a load of beliefs about thin people being more loveable and successful and gorgeous, and a 'memory'of treating ourselves in the past with lovely fattening foods, associating eating with comfort and 'self-nurturing', and we are set up in life to be a cyclical dieter and binger!
So, what would stop the sabotage?
Maybe success in the diet through sheer will power and persistence would be enough to make us let go of some of our self-deprecating beliefs, that would make the diet become easier, but the millions spent on the diet industry and the growing problem of obesity in the western world, suggests that just doing that doesn't work too well.
'Experts' tell us just to persist and persevere, and those that do have a better chance of success because they are not giving their sabotaging thoughts and beliefs any attention. When they appear, they get ignored and it's back to the diet.
The trouble comes when those 'demons' are louder than the sensible, logical desire to lose the weight. When this happens, dieting is pointless or can even be bad as we really do take one step forward and two steps back, or 10 pounds off and 12 pounds back on!
The degree of attachment we have to our sabotaging beliefs will determine how hard we have to work to get anywhere.
It's like driving a car with the brakes on. No matter what direction we take, or what task we take on, these 'brakes' will be active, unless we decide to let them off, i.e. let the thoughts go!
A lot of the thoughts will be from self-deprecating beliefs formed in childhood, given to us by our well-meaning parents and teachers, which was the fashionable way to make model citizens when I was a child!
But, what if we just made a decision to let go of all sabotaging beliefs, whether we can identify them or not?
The best way I know to do this is with energy therapies. Z point process takes advantage of the fact that we already know deep down what these beliefs are, and so does EFT and TAT.
How great would it be if we could start our journey by taking off the brakes first?
Check my web site for more information. www.stressalternatives.co.uk.
All the best
Liz
Some of us have huge self-destruct buttons! Whenever we decide to do something that's good for us, we take one step forward and two steps back!. Life becomes a series of events in which we try to undo all the damage of the prior self destruct buttons being pressed.
Dieting is a great example of this. We have to go on it because we have been over-indulgent in the past and put on weight, then when we start on the diet, or the second we decide to go on the diet, we are sorely tempted by all the foods that will put the weight back on and more!
It would appear that we are always attracted to that which is bad for us! All of a sudden, whenever we decide to make improvements, we get obsessed by all the temptations that will do the opposite!
Whenever we decide to work on our confidence, we seem to fail at everything we try, or listen even more to all our negative thoughts about how useless we are. Whenever we decide to get out of our poverty consciousness, a load of unexpected bills arrive that make us give attention even more to the fact that we're skint!
It can appear that we are tempted by the devil! In fact, what is more likely is that what is active in our minds are our sabotaging beliefs that create tension and fear. They are our own 'demons' created by us in the past as a result of difficult experiences. At the time of formation they would have served a function as our attempt to make sense of the experience or to stop us getting hurt by any experience that is similar in the future.
For example, we might have experienced rejection by someone important to us, and often more than once, which could lead us to feeling empty and having a belief that we are unloveable, and that we can't trust people. Add to this a load of beliefs about thin people being more loveable and successful and gorgeous, and a 'memory'of treating ourselves in the past with lovely fattening foods, associating eating with comfort and 'self-nurturing', and we are set up in life to be a cyclical dieter and binger!
So, what would stop the sabotage?
Maybe success in the diet through sheer will power and persistence would be enough to make us let go of some of our self-deprecating beliefs, that would make the diet become easier, but the millions spent on the diet industry and the growing problem of obesity in the western world, suggests that just doing that doesn't work too well.
'Experts' tell us just to persist and persevere, and those that do have a better chance of success because they are not giving their sabotaging thoughts and beliefs any attention. When they appear, they get ignored and it's back to the diet.
The trouble comes when those 'demons' are louder than the sensible, logical desire to lose the weight. When this happens, dieting is pointless or can even be bad as we really do take one step forward and two steps back, or 10 pounds off and 12 pounds back on!
The degree of attachment we have to our sabotaging beliefs will determine how hard we have to work to get anywhere.
It's like driving a car with the brakes on. No matter what direction we take, or what task we take on, these 'brakes' will be active, unless we decide to let them off, i.e. let the thoughts go!
A lot of the thoughts will be from self-deprecating beliefs formed in childhood, given to us by our well-meaning parents and teachers, which was the fashionable way to make model citizens when I was a child!
But, what if we just made a decision to let go of all sabotaging beliefs, whether we can identify them or not?
The best way I know to do this is with energy therapies. Z point process takes advantage of the fact that we already know deep down what these beliefs are, and so does EFT and TAT.
How great would it be if we could start our journey by taking off the brakes first?
Check my web site for more information. www.stressalternatives.co.uk.
All the best
Liz
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