Hey
You know when you were young, your parents, teachers and grown ups would tell you what was right and wrong?
If you were lucky, they'd tell you it's good to give, it's good to say thank you and please, and to be kind to one another.
It's just as well we knew what was 'right' in our house, because with 3 girls (I was the oldest and the bully!), we were often fighting, being selfish and being downright cruel to each other. Our 'dark' side would regularly rear its merry head causing 'hell' in our otherwise happy home.
I didn't know how lucky I was to have this kind of guidance as I was growing up. Sometimes it felt like I was always bad, that guilt was my best friend...well, actually it was! It was not only my most frequent 'bad' feeling but it stopped me from being too selfish and uncaring.
Giving to others didn't come naturally to me, so when I gave, it exercised my 'giving' muscles bit by bit (though I still have a long way to go! having 3 kids has helped this too!) i.e. I get to open my heart which has a tendency to keep shutters up a lot. (Well I do come from the heart disease capital of the world!).
If we read any of the big religions or the 'new age' literature, giving, thanking or praising is big. In fact, its meant to be a frequent, daily practice.
We all need our heart muscles metaphorically exercised as well as physically. In fact, doesn't exercise cure depression? I know why. being grateful and giving also cures it if we make it a regular habit. It helps us focus on the positive, and the more we do it, the stronger it gets.
Of course, its hard to begin with and it can feel like we're a 'tall poppy' among the 'Victor Meldrews', but watch out for the good things just getting bigger and bigger!
Then, after a time we get to be grateful for the seemingly bad things that happen too (some cynics may call this delusion!), but its all life! We have a choice (Adam and Eve?) to choose gratitude and giving, or anger and victim mentality.
I'm still doing the latter far too much, but I keep exercising!
Thanks Mum!
Have a look at my gratitude script in my free ebook. Chapter 4.
www.stressalternatives.co.uk.
Saturday 17 October 2009
Wednesday 14 October 2009
Mind Grooves
Hi
Sorry to go on about my dog again, but Taz has been giving us problems again! Or should I say 'challenges'? Or should I say, "He's been a little.....!" So much so that we were given the services of a brilliant dog behaviourist,Paul (www.K9ClickerTraining.co.uk) from our dog rescue centre. He reckons Taz does naughty stuff, not because of anxiety and the need to relieve tension, but because he's got a 'devilish' streak, and acts like that because he can! In other words, we have allowed the behaviour to develop.
Of course, to stop the behaviour now is going to cause initial tension because the habit has already been formed. So us humans have been given a set of instructions on how to allow him to feel the discomfort and calm him when we 'orchestrate' the trigger. (I love that expression 'orchestrate'!) After a few repetitions of calming, the bad behaviour stops and our doggy becomes a little angel!
Bad habits become ingrained just as easily in humans if they are repeated. We can calm ourselves when we realise we are going down the habitual route, unlike dogs who don't have an awareness of the trigger to behaviour route.
The trigger to behaviour route becomes a familiar groove in our mind the more often it is repeated.It also includes thoughts and feelings. In fact, the grooves we make in our minds feel like bobsleigh routes for some. Some patterns of behaviour we have been repeating over and over all our lives. For example, someone irritates us, and, before we know it, we're moaning, critisising or having a go at them. Someone moans at us, and, before we know it, we react by getting defensive and self-righteous. For someone who has built up self-consciousness about their appearance, the trigger can be as simple as passing a mirror, and the bobsleigh route of thoughts, feelings, panic symptoms and behaviour follow in micro-seconds.
Habitual thoughts are a result of those bobsleigh routes too. Some folk can hook on to suicidal ones. Some will think,'What's the point?' Some will think, 'I don't have enough.' Some will think, 'I am sick.'
Those thoughts are connected to painful feelings. It's all so sad!
Or what if we could make use of those painful feelings to remind us we're on the bobsleigh route?
So how do we stop ourselves going down the routes? After all, the routes are deep grooves!
If we can calm a dog, maybe we could calm ourselves! Maybe we could 'orchestrate' the trigger to behaviour/ thoughts/ feelings route a few times and deliberately calm ourselves in some way to replace that tension that the trigger activated? What if we deliberately thought about our lack of money, or our fearful or suicidal thoughts and intend to calm our resulting tension at that point?
There's loads of ways to change that tension to relaxation, from deliberate distraction to gratitude to energy therapies. Energy therapies make it so much quicker and less repetition and 'orchestration' will be necessary.
Look on my website: www.stressalternatives.co.uk. Look especially at my 'Intentional detachment practice' article.
Time for 'walkies'!
Sorry to go on about my dog again, but Taz has been giving us problems again! Or should I say 'challenges'? Or should I say, "He's been a little.....!" So much so that we were given the services of a brilliant dog behaviourist,Paul (www.K9ClickerTraining.co.uk) from our dog rescue centre. He reckons Taz does naughty stuff, not because of anxiety and the need to relieve tension, but because he's got a 'devilish' streak, and acts like that because he can! In other words, we have allowed the behaviour to develop.
Of course, to stop the behaviour now is going to cause initial tension because the habit has already been formed. So us humans have been given a set of instructions on how to allow him to feel the discomfort and calm him when we 'orchestrate' the trigger. (I love that expression 'orchestrate'!) After a few repetitions of calming, the bad behaviour stops and our doggy becomes a little angel!
Bad habits become ingrained just as easily in humans if they are repeated. We can calm ourselves when we realise we are going down the habitual route, unlike dogs who don't have an awareness of the trigger to behaviour route.
The trigger to behaviour route becomes a familiar groove in our mind the more often it is repeated.It also includes thoughts and feelings. In fact, the grooves we make in our minds feel like bobsleigh routes for some. Some patterns of behaviour we have been repeating over and over all our lives. For example, someone irritates us, and, before we know it, we're moaning, critisising or having a go at them. Someone moans at us, and, before we know it, we react by getting defensive and self-righteous. For someone who has built up self-consciousness about their appearance, the trigger can be as simple as passing a mirror, and the bobsleigh route of thoughts, feelings, panic symptoms and behaviour follow in micro-seconds.
Habitual thoughts are a result of those bobsleigh routes too. Some folk can hook on to suicidal ones. Some will think,'What's the point?' Some will think, 'I don't have enough.' Some will think, 'I am sick.'
Those thoughts are connected to painful feelings. It's all so sad!
Or what if we could make use of those painful feelings to remind us we're on the bobsleigh route?
So how do we stop ourselves going down the routes? After all, the routes are deep grooves!
If we can calm a dog, maybe we could calm ourselves! Maybe we could 'orchestrate' the trigger to behaviour/ thoughts/ feelings route a few times and deliberately calm ourselves in some way to replace that tension that the trigger activated? What if we deliberately thought about our lack of money, or our fearful or suicidal thoughts and intend to calm our resulting tension at that point?
There's loads of ways to change that tension to relaxation, from deliberate distraction to gratitude to energy therapies. Energy therapies make it so much quicker and less repetition and 'orchestration' will be necessary.
Look on my website: www.stressalternatives.co.uk. Look especially at my 'Intentional detachment practice' article.
Time for 'walkies'!
Sunday 12 July 2009
Positive and Negative
Hey
I used to be such a negative person, and now I'm a little less so (maybe!). I used to marvel at these people who could always see the bright side of life, and always knew what they wanted and went all out to get it.
Having just been in Florida, I've seen what this attitude can really achieve, and why the American Dream at it's best is so amazing.
Us Brits on the whole have inherited much more of a moderate, cautious nature, and this recession is pushing all our buttons.
Once I realised how damaging being negative was in my life, it was tempting for me to beat myself up every time I noticed negative thoughts and stubbornly stay positive about everything.
'What's wrong with that?', I hear you say. 'Positive is best, isn't it?' Following your dream is best, isn't it? Look what Disney achieved! Think what mankind could achieve if we are all positive!
Trouble is when positivity becomes blind to potential pitfalls. When there is so much drive to achieve the dream that we get stupid at best, and uncaring and damage others at worst. When we borrow too much money and trust that we will be able to pay it back, and the banks give it to us, so it must be OK. When we convince ourselves it's fine to carry on eating junk and drinking to excess, or not planning for kids coming along, or old age, or sickness. Anyway, the government will provide, or Dad. Anyway, I'll live forever!
So, maybe it's not about changing negative to positive blindly. Isn't that what we do anyway? On one hand, keep everything under control, then have slurges and throw caution to the wind. All or nothing!
So, how do we keep balanced? How can we get what we want, or achieve our dreams without getting too blind to the pitfalls or despondant about getting there? The current new age wisdom says keep the goal in mind, but don't fret about it. If we want it too badly, we'll create such a tension that it will be such hard work, few will get there, unless we've got real stubborn drive and a lot of energy, and a strong constitution!
Some interpret the Law of Attraction to mean that all we need to do is keep the goal in mind and magically it will happen for us. Being negative after setting a goal will doom most to failure, but, equally, being blindly positive will not flag up potential problems that need to be overcome, and the dream then becomes an unachievable fantasy.
With all sorts of 'all or nothing' behaviour and thinking, there is no balance because there is tension. The more tension, the more extreme the 'all and nothing' is.
When we find ourselves doing all or nothing, we know we have tension. So let it go! Don't fret about the outcome! Be grateful for what we've got and build on that! Just relax on the spot. Do it with ZPoint, meditation, sports, diversion, EFT, slowing down our breathing, or sending thanks and love to the perpetrator, including ourselves. When we do this, we don't bury our head in the sand. We make some space in our mind for the problems to find solutions, rather than fuel the anxt.
Och, I've rambled on enough! Have a nice day:)
Check out my website www.stressalternatives.co.uk.
I used to be such a negative person, and now I'm a little less so (maybe!). I used to marvel at these people who could always see the bright side of life, and always knew what they wanted and went all out to get it.
Having just been in Florida, I've seen what this attitude can really achieve, and why the American Dream at it's best is so amazing.
Us Brits on the whole have inherited much more of a moderate, cautious nature, and this recession is pushing all our buttons.
Once I realised how damaging being negative was in my life, it was tempting for me to beat myself up every time I noticed negative thoughts and stubbornly stay positive about everything.
'What's wrong with that?', I hear you say. 'Positive is best, isn't it?' Following your dream is best, isn't it? Look what Disney achieved! Think what mankind could achieve if we are all positive!
Trouble is when positivity becomes blind to potential pitfalls. When there is so much drive to achieve the dream that we get stupid at best, and uncaring and damage others at worst. When we borrow too much money and trust that we will be able to pay it back, and the banks give it to us, so it must be OK. When we convince ourselves it's fine to carry on eating junk and drinking to excess, or not planning for kids coming along, or old age, or sickness. Anyway, the government will provide, or Dad. Anyway, I'll live forever!
So, maybe it's not about changing negative to positive blindly. Isn't that what we do anyway? On one hand, keep everything under control, then have slurges and throw caution to the wind. All or nothing!
So, how do we keep balanced? How can we get what we want, or achieve our dreams without getting too blind to the pitfalls or despondant about getting there? The current new age wisdom says keep the goal in mind, but don't fret about it. If we want it too badly, we'll create such a tension that it will be such hard work, few will get there, unless we've got real stubborn drive and a lot of energy, and a strong constitution!
Some interpret the Law of Attraction to mean that all we need to do is keep the goal in mind and magically it will happen for us. Being negative after setting a goal will doom most to failure, but, equally, being blindly positive will not flag up potential problems that need to be overcome, and the dream then becomes an unachievable fantasy.
With all sorts of 'all or nothing' behaviour and thinking, there is no balance because there is tension. The more tension, the more extreme the 'all and nothing' is.
When we find ourselves doing all or nothing, we know we have tension. So let it go! Don't fret about the outcome! Be grateful for what we've got and build on that! Just relax on the spot. Do it with ZPoint, meditation, sports, diversion, EFT, slowing down our breathing, or sending thanks and love to the perpetrator, including ourselves. When we do this, we don't bury our head in the sand. We make some space in our mind for the problems to find solutions, rather than fuel the anxt.
Och, I've rambled on enough! Have a nice day:)
Check out my website www.stressalternatives.co.uk.
Tuesday 2 June 2009
Nature doesn't need a story!
Nature is amazing!
I was walking the dog in scrub woodland a few weeks ago, and there were several large patches of ground that had been burned by our local vandals because the previous plants had dried up and died.
A few days later, walking the same route , I was amazed to see the ground was being populated by hundreds of plants. In fact, it looked like the burning of the old had left a perfect clear habitat for the seedlings to grow with vigour.
Here in Scotland, I know this very thing goes on naturally (without the vandals!) in the heather covered hills, and the new takes over the old.
What if we could all do that whenever we got 'burned' by life events?
What if we didn't add our victim story or our anger and justification of it, or our worry about the burning happening again, or our labelling ourselves as less as a result of the burning?
What if we just let all that past story go and any sign of it in the form of the debris of negativity or tension, and just start from this moment in a vigourous growth spurt? We could still take the good seeds along with us, and the expectant rich soil that is fertilised by our wisdom collected up till then, and our hopes and dreams and plans and goals.
Then we could just wait and see what comes our way in our environment!
What if we don't need to add a story?
What if we just pick ourselves up and renew ourselves at every opportunity?
www.stressalternatives.co.uk
All the Best
Liz :>)
I was walking the dog in scrub woodland a few weeks ago, and there were several large patches of ground that had been burned by our local vandals because the previous plants had dried up and died.
A few days later, walking the same route , I was amazed to see the ground was being populated by hundreds of plants. In fact, it looked like the burning of the old had left a perfect clear habitat for the seedlings to grow with vigour.
Here in Scotland, I know this very thing goes on naturally (without the vandals!) in the heather covered hills, and the new takes over the old.
What if we could all do that whenever we got 'burned' by life events?
What if we didn't add our victim story or our anger and justification of it, or our worry about the burning happening again, or our labelling ourselves as less as a result of the burning?
What if we just let all that past story go and any sign of it in the form of the debris of negativity or tension, and just start from this moment in a vigourous growth spurt? We could still take the good seeds along with us, and the expectant rich soil that is fertilised by our wisdom collected up till then, and our hopes and dreams and plans and goals.
Then we could just wait and see what comes our way in our environment!
What if we don't need to add a story?
What if we just pick ourselves up and renew ourselves at every opportunity?
www.stressalternatives.co.uk
All the Best
Liz :>)
Monday 20 April 2009
How to Increase Your Emotional Pain and Keep it Alive!
The subject matter in this blog comes thanks to a fantastic mental health project in Edinburgh called Redhall Walled Garden, who asked me to give a talk. Thanks to the trainees for putting up with my awful acting, and for staying to the end! BTW they didn't ask me to increase their emotional pain as the title suggests!
Inavertantly, we do an amazing amount of things to keep our emotional pain alive. It's not our fault, like some people (including ourselves) may think. Most of us don't really have a deliberate self-destructive masochistic side to us! We just don't realise what we're doing. It's like when we have to deal with a naughty child that keeps bugging us wanting attention.
Here's some of the things we do in response to sadness, fear, anger, excessive guilt and embarrassment. The same can be applied to the naughty child!
1) Dreading it: We say things like, 'This should not be happening!'
2) Fighting it: Seems like a good idea, but it will be back! Negative attention is better than no attention. Ask a naughty child!
3) Feeling guilty about it: Using it as an excuse to beat ourselves up. Naughty children can spot this to get what they want a mile away!
4) Hiding it: Pretending that we're 'normal' by not having the pain. Actually, it's more normal to have pain.
5) Being proud of it: We relate to others who have similar pain. We get what we want by expressing it. We all need an identity. If only we could identify more with the positives in our lives.
6) Being scared of it: This one is curious! We're scared of being scared.....the double whammy! But, like the naughty child, we have to be in control of it or it takes control. We have to calm ourselves when the pain turns up to be able to deal with it.
7) Suppressing it: Shoving it away when it appears only makes it come back, or lurk about, generally making us uncomfortable.
8) Playing with it: This one gives us a buzz. It's like the fairground ride or the adventure game. That excitement we feel when we are angry or fearful.
9) Analysing it: Our pains become a subject of great fascination for not only ourselves, but for friends and particularly for our psychiatrists and therapists (me too!). Of course, the idea in analysing it is that we can understand and cope with them, but, like the naughty child, we reward the negative behaviour instead of the positive.
10) Being a victim to it: Getting depressed about it and letting it 'get' to us means that it has total control.
11) Tormenting yourself with it: This happens when it goes quiet. We can't believe that it's not there, so we poke it a bit and wake it up. We don't exactly miss it, but we're a bit lost and confused without it. Then we complain when it comes back!
12) Feeling we need it: The absolute delusion! We cling to it because we think we'll do reckless things without fear. Actually, it's the fear that makes us do the reckless things. Fight/flight reaction drains away blood from our rational mind, so we can't think clearly. 'Counting to ten' before we act isn't such a bad idea.
All of these responses only feed that pain. The problemitself isn't often the real problem. Sure, sadness, anger, fear, embarrassment and excess guilt are not nice, but we make them last longer and they become more persistant because of our response to them. The naughty child loves all that!
So, what calms the naughty child? Acknowledgement they exist, reassurance, love and clear, calm messages about what is acceptable and unacceptable behaviour.
Could we do the same to ourselves when we experience emotional pain? Acknowledge it, reassure ourselves it won't last, stop beating ourselves up for having it and give it a clear message that it's time to let go instead of letting it get to us.
Look at my website for my free ebook and articles that will help. www.stressalternatives.co.uk.
Liz Temple
Inavertantly, we do an amazing amount of things to keep our emotional pain alive. It's not our fault, like some people (including ourselves) may think. Most of us don't really have a deliberate self-destructive masochistic side to us! We just don't realise what we're doing. It's like when we have to deal with a naughty child that keeps bugging us wanting attention.
Here's some of the things we do in response to sadness, fear, anger, excessive guilt and embarrassment. The same can be applied to the naughty child!
1) Dreading it: We say things like, 'This should not be happening!'
2) Fighting it: Seems like a good idea, but it will be back! Negative attention is better than no attention. Ask a naughty child!
3) Feeling guilty about it: Using it as an excuse to beat ourselves up. Naughty children can spot this to get what they want a mile away!
4) Hiding it: Pretending that we're 'normal' by not having the pain. Actually, it's more normal to have pain.
5) Being proud of it: We relate to others who have similar pain. We get what we want by expressing it. We all need an identity. If only we could identify more with the positives in our lives.
6) Being scared of it: This one is curious! We're scared of being scared.....the double whammy! But, like the naughty child, we have to be in control of it or it takes control. We have to calm ourselves when the pain turns up to be able to deal with it.
7) Suppressing it: Shoving it away when it appears only makes it come back, or lurk about, generally making us uncomfortable.
8) Playing with it: This one gives us a buzz. It's like the fairground ride or the adventure game. That excitement we feel when we are angry or fearful.
9) Analysing it: Our pains become a subject of great fascination for not only ourselves, but for friends and particularly for our psychiatrists and therapists (me too!). Of course, the idea in analysing it is that we can understand and cope with them, but, like the naughty child, we reward the negative behaviour instead of the positive.
10) Being a victim to it: Getting depressed about it and letting it 'get' to us means that it has total control.
11) Tormenting yourself with it: This happens when it goes quiet. We can't believe that it's not there, so we poke it a bit and wake it up. We don't exactly miss it, but we're a bit lost and confused without it. Then we complain when it comes back!
12) Feeling we need it: The absolute delusion! We cling to it because we think we'll do reckless things without fear. Actually, it's the fear that makes us do the reckless things. Fight/flight reaction drains away blood from our rational mind, so we can't think clearly. 'Counting to ten' before we act isn't such a bad idea.
All of these responses only feed that pain. The problemitself isn't often the real problem. Sure, sadness, anger, fear, embarrassment and excess guilt are not nice, but we make them last longer and they become more persistant because of our response to them. The naughty child loves all that!
So, what calms the naughty child? Acknowledgement they exist, reassurance, love and clear, calm messages about what is acceptable and unacceptable behaviour.
Could we do the same to ourselves when we experience emotional pain? Acknowledge it, reassure ourselves it won't last, stop beating ourselves up for having it and give it a clear message that it's time to let go instead of letting it get to us.
Look at my website for my free ebook and articles that will help. www.stressalternatives.co.uk.
Liz Temple
Yes to Life ZPoint Course
Hi
It's not often I shamelessly promote someone else's products, but this one has really shifted so much stuff for me personally. Inprevious blogs I've done, I have often recommended ZPoint Process. It's an amazing self help energy therapy that is so easy to learn and carry around with us and use whenever we feel distressed. It works as quickly as EFT (emotional freedom technique) and other similar modalities, but can be much more subtlely used when we are out in public, and doesn't give us the same self consciousness that some of us British folk suffer from so much!
In fact, it can be used for that very thing!! See my website www.stressalternatives.co.uk.
The beauty of this therapy is that it not only can be used for 'on the spot' distress, but can be used in the background for specific problems that repeat often in our lives, such as anger, depression and fear. The idea is to tune into the distressed feeling, like EFT does, and then to make an intention to 'clear' it. We 'tune in' by thinking about something or someone that brings up a feeling. That's how we bring the past and future into the present. Any tension that is brought up by this is then 'cleared' by intention and repeating a 'cue word' to ourselves.
Grant Connolly, the creator of this process has taken this further to address even deeper issues that all of us experience. His 21 days course covers aspects such as ourselves, our feeling of deserving, relationships, money worries, allowing 'what is', the need to be perfect, doubts and discomfort with change. His new protocol, recently devised, has been utilised in his new 'Yes to Life' course. It seems to go deeper than anything I personally have experienced in ZPoint, which is saying something because I've done some amazing alternative therapies. It covers our early years, worries, trust and self esteem. Since doing this, I feel the usual things that push my distress buttons have little or no effect. Any that do, I can easily deal with quickly.
Have a look on www.zpointforpeace.com.
It's not often I shamelessly promote someone else's products, but this one has really shifted so much stuff for me personally. Inprevious blogs I've done, I have often recommended ZPoint Process. It's an amazing self help energy therapy that is so easy to learn and carry around with us and use whenever we feel distressed. It works as quickly as EFT (emotional freedom technique) and other similar modalities, but can be much more subtlely used when we are out in public, and doesn't give us the same self consciousness that some of us British folk suffer from so much!
In fact, it can be used for that very thing!! See my website www.stressalternatives.co.uk.
The beauty of this therapy is that it not only can be used for 'on the spot' distress, but can be used in the background for specific problems that repeat often in our lives, such as anger, depression and fear. The idea is to tune into the distressed feeling, like EFT does, and then to make an intention to 'clear' it. We 'tune in' by thinking about something or someone that brings up a feeling. That's how we bring the past and future into the present. Any tension that is brought up by this is then 'cleared' by intention and repeating a 'cue word' to ourselves.
Grant Connolly, the creator of this process has taken this further to address even deeper issues that all of us experience. His 21 days course covers aspects such as ourselves, our feeling of deserving, relationships, money worries, allowing 'what is', the need to be perfect, doubts and discomfort with change. His new protocol, recently devised, has been utilised in his new 'Yes to Life' course. It seems to go deeper than anything I personally have experienced in ZPoint, which is saying something because I've done some amazing alternative therapies. It covers our early years, worries, trust and self esteem. Since doing this, I feel the usual things that push my distress buttons have little or no effect. Any that do, I can easily deal with quickly.
Have a look on www.zpointforpeace.com.
Friday 27 February 2009
Natural Instincts
I've talked about my doggy before and his natural instincts. Well here's more discussion of doggy behaviour.
The other day I had to put a stop to his barking at the men digging the road outside our garden. He likes to think he's a super scary guard dog, and, I guess it goes with the breed that he naturally wants to bark at every man that comes anywhere near his territory. He also does the same to the vaccuum cleaner and hairdryer! Both very dangerous things for dogs!
When he gets started down the barking route, I can see him getting quite excited and having an adrenalin rush from it (testosterone!) Some would say it is natural for a dog to do this, and a wild dog would use this for survival.
However, our hairy mutt lives in a nice quiet cul-de-sac in a wee village and is spoiled stupid! That natural instinct to growl and bark at all that feels threatening must not be encouraged to become a habit, no matter how great it feels to our 4 legged pup!
It might help him to release tension and get a buzz from it but it is not acceptable to scare the life out of any unfortunate male who dares to walk along our lane, anyone who rides a bike, or the poor postman who stuffs letters through the letterbox into his sacred space, not to mention the poor vax that clean up his hairs!
This behaviour has to be stopped before it becomes too much of a habit and we are labelled the neighbours from hell. (I think it's too late for the postman!)
So I just bark back at him to get his attention, then calm him down in an assertive way, as Ceaser says in 'The Dog Whisperer'.
We humans aren't much different. We get into habitual ways of thinking, feeling and behaving, often from an early age, and if the habit isn't stopped early on, it becomes like a well travelled route in our psyche. We literally make deep grooves in our brain and it feels like there's no other route we can go down when something triggers our fear reactions.
But it isn't appropriate or fair that we 'bark' at or hide away from the world, most of which isn't out to get us (unless we do too much barking!). Hiding away doesn't serve us too well either, as we end up leading half a life and get depressed because we don't fulfil our potential, and our fearful thoughts get bigger as our world gets smaller.
So, like training our hairy pup with calm assertiveness, we have to work on calming ourselves as soon as we recognise we're off down that well travelled route again. It takes a bit of discipline to keep stopping ourselves on that route and choosing another, which is literally uncharted territory for us. But we're human, and this awareness is what makes us different from animals.
It's amazing what can happen to make it easier as soon as we make the sincere decision to do it, and stick to it. Often it takes a crisis in our lives, like a relationship breakup threat or an illness to force us into looking at ourselves and our 'routes'. Once a decision to make changes is made often people, books, media items and ideas that help will start to resonate with us.
My website will help get you started, or do you want to carry on 'barking' and living a fearful life?
www.stressalternatives.co.uk.
All the Best
Liz
The other day I had to put a stop to his barking at the men digging the road outside our garden. He likes to think he's a super scary guard dog, and, I guess it goes with the breed that he naturally wants to bark at every man that comes anywhere near his territory. He also does the same to the vaccuum cleaner and hairdryer! Both very dangerous things for dogs!
When he gets started down the barking route, I can see him getting quite excited and having an adrenalin rush from it (testosterone!) Some would say it is natural for a dog to do this, and a wild dog would use this for survival.
However, our hairy mutt lives in a nice quiet cul-de-sac in a wee village and is spoiled stupid! That natural instinct to growl and bark at all that feels threatening must not be encouraged to become a habit, no matter how great it feels to our 4 legged pup!
It might help him to release tension and get a buzz from it but it is not acceptable to scare the life out of any unfortunate male who dares to walk along our lane, anyone who rides a bike, or the poor postman who stuffs letters through the letterbox into his sacred space, not to mention the poor vax that clean up his hairs!
This behaviour has to be stopped before it becomes too much of a habit and we are labelled the neighbours from hell. (I think it's too late for the postman!)
So I just bark back at him to get his attention, then calm him down in an assertive way, as Ceaser says in 'The Dog Whisperer'.
We humans aren't much different. We get into habitual ways of thinking, feeling and behaving, often from an early age, and if the habit isn't stopped early on, it becomes like a well travelled route in our psyche. We literally make deep grooves in our brain and it feels like there's no other route we can go down when something triggers our fear reactions.
But it isn't appropriate or fair that we 'bark' at or hide away from the world, most of which isn't out to get us (unless we do too much barking!). Hiding away doesn't serve us too well either, as we end up leading half a life and get depressed because we don't fulfil our potential, and our fearful thoughts get bigger as our world gets smaller.
So, like training our hairy pup with calm assertiveness, we have to work on calming ourselves as soon as we recognise we're off down that well travelled route again. It takes a bit of discipline to keep stopping ourselves on that route and choosing another, which is literally uncharted territory for us. But we're human, and this awareness is what makes us different from animals.
It's amazing what can happen to make it easier as soon as we make the sincere decision to do it, and stick to it. Often it takes a crisis in our lives, like a relationship breakup threat or an illness to force us into looking at ourselves and our 'routes'. Once a decision to make changes is made often people, books, media items and ideas that help will start to resonate with us.
My website will help get you started, or do you want to carry on 'barking' and living a fearful life?
www.stressalternatives.co.uk.
All the Best
Liz
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