Housework

Happy Easter!

I know I keep harping on about how much I dislike housework, but here's another blog about it.

Today, being Good Friday, I was having a lazy time at home this morning, surrounded by an unvacuumed floor, overflowing bins, dirty toilet etc etc. With everyone else who lives with me just as unwilling to clean the house (as within, so without!), I felt justified in sitting on my favourite (dirty) chair and reading Eckhart Tolle's latest book without guilt. (By the way, it's fantastic- and look at Oprah Winfrey's site to see him being interviewed about it).

Then a new turn of events took place. I received a phone call from my sister saying she might come round. Suddenly I sprung into action and ran around with the vaccuum cleaner and cleaning cloth with the purpose and efficiency of an old pro. (ie cleaning the bits of the house that would be seen by visitors!)

Now ordinarily I would have procrastinated and sat around a bit more, took the dog out, made some pancakes, went on the computer, watched that fascinating children's TV programme, but my sister has a lovely clean house that anyone can visit at a moment's notice, and frankly (hard to admit!) I worried about what she thought of me, and suddenly the energy to clean came from this!

It occured to me, how can we let go of the need for approval of others if it serves such a useful purpose? My house is cleaner as a result of this. In general, our behaviour is better as a result of holding on to this need. Having this in too much quantity though can result in obsessiveness about appearance, to the extent of getting a doctor to cut bits out of you, or add bits in! Or needing approval of your mates on a Saturday night can result in antisocial behaviour in our town centres. We act like sheep with our 'herd mentality' because of this need for approval. We join together with other like minded people, and anyone who acts differently is rejected and labelled and picked on. Originality of thought and individuality is discouraged. Those that do succeed in being different are those who know they are right, whether they are or not! If I had enough self-confidence to not mind what my sister thought, I wouldn't feel guilty about having a rest day, and my sister would respect me more because I respected myself more.

Have you ever been into a house where the person you visit goes so far as to voice their embarrassment about the state of the place? I do it all the time! I have to! (It's very Scottish!) Basically we are saying, 'I am less because I'm a bad housewife', whereas, if I paid full attention to my visitor instead of my housework neurosis. I would get more respect (unless the visitor has a huge housework and 'keeping up appearances' complex too!) My sister would come into the house and we could have a good chat and she wouldn't mind the mess because I wouldn't mind!

The Sedona Method (http://www.sedona.com/) teaches us to let go of wanting approval, because it's one of the three basic 'wants' behind our emotional pain. Anything 'wanting' means we never really get it until we let go of the 'wanting'. This is also what the Law of Attraction says. Don't pay attention to our 'wants' or they get bigger. We can still make plans to get what we want and act on these plans, but the plan will be the best plan if we don't need to get the thing so much ('needing' meaning wanting too much) .

If you go for a job interview 'needing' to get the job, your fear will show and your attention will be on the fear rather than the moments of the interview, ie you won't fully be present since half of you will be quivering in your designer boots! By the way, you wont go the opposite way by being calm, ie you wont turn up at the interview in your dirty jeans, not having prepared the information needed about the job or company. If you intend seriously to get the job, you will do the work needed and dress appropriately.Turning up unprepared in dirty jeans means you sabotage yourself too because of a different neurosis.

Anyway, back to my story about the housework, should I give up the need for approval when I have such a lazy attitude to housework? Maybe I should sort that one out first. It's too confusing! Probably I should just keep sorting out whatever comes up till I get some peace, but then I shouldn't 'want' the peace too much or I'll not get it!

Look at my website to find out my favourite ways. http://www.stressalternatives.co.uk/.

Liz

Sabotage 2

Hi Reader
Thought I'd make a list of common sabotaging beliefs that possibly could be stopping us all making progress in whatever we decide to do for improvement for ourselves, as a follow on from the last blog.
I'm ploughing my way through them myself to test them out, and invite you to do the same. The idea is, as I've said in the last blog, is to take the 'brakes' off and let whatever we do or intend have a smoother path.
Here are the beliefs and prior decisions:
- This is just the way I am/ I will always be this way;
- I must always be careful / cautious;
- I can't cope with life;
- It’s too much effort to do things differently;
- I am too sick to change;
- I am too tired/ I don’t have the stamina;
- I am too damaged/ I’ve been through too much;
- I don’t need to change. I just want to feel better;
- I will end up with more responsibility/ People will want me to do more/ I won’t be able to live up to people’s expectations;
- I don’t deserve to feel better/ I’m not good enough/ I deserve to suffer;
- It will change me and I will lose friends/ I will not be accepted;
- I’m not clever/ interesting/ creative/ good enough;
- Once I’ve made my mind up, I don’t compromise;
- I only want perfection/ I have to do things right;
- I can’t let go or I’ll make the same mistake again;
- I can’t let go or I’ll feel something worse;
- If I change I won’t feel safe/ Change is too scary;
- Life was meant to be hard;
- Nothing ever works/ I’ve tried everything/ I’m fooling myself;
- I am only a woman/ child/ uneducated/ an ordinary person;
- I don’t have time to change habits/ I’ll get round to it later;
- There’s no easy way/ The mind is too complex and should be left to the experts;
- My brain chemistry is defective;
- You can’t change your inheritance/ My parents were the same;
- It’s all so hopeless;
- Life is pointless;
- Others need to change before I can be happy;
- I need to be slimmer/ better looking/ get my degree/ be married to … and have children/ have a lot of money before I can be happy;
- I need an escape;
- I will always be a worrier/ loser/ struggle/ a failure;
- I want to die/ destroy myself;
- I need lots of support/ I can’t do it on my own;
- I don’t care/ I’m already in trouble and I’ve nothing to lose;
- I’ll live fast and die young;
- I know myself best/ no-one can tell me what to do any more/ what do they know?/ I’ve heard it all before;
- I will never get over this/ forgive them for what they have done;
- I trust no-one/ People are always trying to get one over on me;
- I don’t trust women/ men/ authority figures/ doctors/ new age theories/ religion……..;
- I’m only fooling myself that things can get better/ I will never be cured;
- I have no power over my life;
- I never get what I want;
- I’m too old to change now;
- My problems take years to get over.
Some of these will jump out at you as obviously relating to you and others not so much. My suggestion is to start work on the obvious ones first, and any that you come up with yourself, and try the following:
Start by taking each belief and asking, ‘What if this was not true?’ That puts some doubt into your mind. Then make an intention to let it go, because it is causing you pain.
Do this by saying to yourself, or out loud, ‘I make an intention to let go of the belief, ‘I will always be this way’, then move on to the next one.
Doing this with the aid of an energy therapy like Zpoint or EFT will make this process incredibly powerful, I think, so if you do it this way, take care to do only a few beliefs at a time, maybe about 4 or 5 max. Let me know how it goes for you. Love Liz
http://www.stressalternatives.co.uk/