Comfort Zones

Good Morning Reader ( I'm sure I must have one!)

I don’t know how long the expression ‘comfort zone’ has been around, but it seems it’s part of many people’s vocabulary now. It’s years since I read ‘Feel the Fear and do it Anyway’ by Susan Jeffers, but it’s where I first heard the expression, and it’s definitely a book worth reading on anyone’s self development journey. It says, if I remember it rightly, that whenever you get out of your comfort zone you feel fear, but that only lasts a short time, then your comfort zone has become bigger, and you learn that fear is normal and nothing to be scared of.
This is also the basis for many behavioural techniques used by the psychiatric profession, and many parents in bringing up their children (though they may not know it).

There are many people who find this hard to do. In most cases, fear is a way of life for them. Most have grown up believing that the world is a dangerous place.
The most obvious example of this is the kind of person who never fulfils their potential or anywhere near it because they avoid fear, and their comfort zone is tiny. When ill they might go to the extreme of being agarophobic, or socially phobic.These are the kind of people who are prone to depressive, negative thoughts; that talk themselves out of living life; who procrastinate or live life in a very limited way. Anxiety and panic are a feature for them in any new situation, so they avoid them at all costs. They have few relationships as they are not out there meeting people, and they are more likely to be dominated by others. They don’t trust people. They are prone to depression also because of underachievement.

The much less obvious example is the person who ‘feels the fear and does it anyway’. They are very brave people who also have a belief that the world is a dangerous place, but they push themselves thrrough the ‘pain barrier’, which produces an adrenalin rush that they can become addicted to. They are constantly on ‘red alert’, but the adrenalin rush along with the success of increasing their comfort zone gives them a feeling of elation. This is fine, but they get that they can’t ‘switch off’, and when they get sick, they get insomnia, hyperactivity and restlessness, high anxiety states and panics, and are tempted to get into behaviour that is designed to calm, like obsessive-compulsive problems or addictions or excessive exercise. They do ‘life’ to extremes, and can be very successful as a result, but seldom are they content or calm. Relationships with others are difficult because they like to dominate and stay in control because they also lack trust in others, or they get bored easily and have to constantly be looking for change. They are more likely to come across situations that are ‘dangerous’ because they are ‘out there’ living life to the full, therefore it’s tempting to have their belief that the world is a dangerous place reinforced, because they really are doing more ‘risky’ things than others.

In practice, both extremes can go on in the same person in different situations and times, but in common is the belief that living in the world is dangerous and a struggle. In reality, both extremes have the same issues: fear of rejection; fear of poverty and lack of security; fear of losing power and control; fear of ridicule; fear of doing the wrong thing; fear of critisism etc.
Psychiatric advice given to the ‘avoiders’ is to ‘do more’’ and for the ‘doers’ is often to ‘do less’, but it is so much more effective to get to the root; the reason why one either has to avoid or do instead of just ‘be’.

It might take years of psychotherapy to figure out the reasons, but there’s a part of us that already knows: our subconscious or intuitive part. This part just needs to be given some space to reach our conscious parts or our awareness. We rarely give it any space because we are too busy using our conscious mind to think and do. It never stops! If we were to stay still long enough to ‘just be’, the inspiration and ideas to survive, make money, be loved and love unconditionally and have control comes without effort.

To ‘just be’ is quite a mammoth task for most of us. It doesn’t come naturally for most of us to be quiet. I’d go as far as to say we weren’t put on this earth to be quiet! But what we can do is turn the volume down on our fears. These are destructive parts of us that hold us back or pollute our minds, and through our behaviour to ‘avoid’ or ‘do’we pollute the rest of the world too. Turning the volume down on them will lead to more peace, love, inspiration, creativity and joy. If we have more of that stuff in our mind, we wouldn’t have to push our comfort zone. Our behaviour wouldn’t be about ‘feeling the fear’. It would be about giving and receiving and connecting with people and the world with honesty and authenticity, instead of ‘acting as if’ we had no fear. There would be no ‘fake it till you make it’: just trust!

Becoming aware of our mind pollution and reducing the volume as we go along with a few strategies I talk about on my website www.stressalternatives.co.uk will get you doing stuff outside your comfort zone that will astound you. You will probably do something without thinking then realise later that you didn’t get your usual anxiety about it. Have a look!