The subject matter in this blog comes thanks to a fantastic mental health project in Edinburgh called Redhall Walled Garden, who asked me to give a talk. Thanks to the trainees for putting up with my awful acting, and for staying to the end! BTW they didn't ask me to increase their emotional pain as the title suggests!
Inavertantly, we do an amazing amount of things to keep our emotional pain alive. It's not our fault, like some people (including ourselves) may think. Most of us don't really have a deliberate self-destructive masochistic side to us! We just don't realise what we're doing. It's like when we have to deal with a naughty child that keeps bugging us wanting attention.
Here's some of the things we do in response to sadness, fear, anger, excessive guilt and embarrassment. The same can be applied to the naughty child!
1) Dreading it: We say things like, 'This should not be happening!'
2) Fighting it: Seems like a good idea, but it will be back! Negative attention is better than no attention. Ask a naughty child!
3) Feeling guilty about it: Using it as an excuse to beat ourselves up. Naughty children can spot this to get what they want a mile away!
4) Hiding it: Pretending that we're 'normal' by not having the pain. Actually, it's more normal to have pain.
5) Being proud of it: We relate to others who have similar pain. We get what we want by expressing it. We all need an identity. If only we could identify more with the positives in our lives.
6) Being scared of it: This one is curious! We're scared of being scared.....the double whammy! But, like the naughty child, we have to be in control of it or it takes control. We have to calm ourselves when the pain turns up to be able to deal with it.
7) Suppressing it: Shoving it away when it appears only makes it come back, or lurk about, generally making us uncomfortable.
8) Playing with it: This one gives us a buzz. It's like the fairground ride or the adventure game. That excitement we feel when we are angry or fearful.
9) Analysing it: Our pains become a subject of great fascination for not only ourselves, but for friends and particularly for our psychiatrists and therapists (me too!). Of course, the idea in analysing it is that we can understand and cope with them, but, like the naughty child, we reward the negative behaviour instead of the positive.
10) Being a victim to it: Getting depressed about it and letting it 'get' to us means that it has total control.
11) Tormenting yourself with it: This happens when it goes quiet. We can't believe that it's not there, so we poke it a bit and wake it up. We don't exactly miss it, but we're a bit lost and confused without it. Then we complain when it comes back!
12) Feeling we need it: The absolute delusion! We cling to it because we think we'll do reckless things without fear. Actually, it's the fear that makes us do the reckless things. Fight/flight reaction drains away blood from our rational mind, so we can't think clearly. 'Counting to ten' before we act isn't such a bad idea.
All of these responses only feed that pain. The problemitself isn't often the real problem. Sure, sadness, anger, fear, embarrassment and excess guilt are not nice, but we make them last longer and they become more persistant because of our response to them. The naughty child loves all that!
So, what calms the naughty child? Acknowledgement they exist, reassurance, love and clear, calm messages about what is acceptable and unacceptable behaviour.
Could we do the same to ourselves when we experience emotional pain? Acknowledge it, reassure ourselves it won't last, stop beating ourselves up for having it and give it a clear message that it's time to let go instead of letting it get to us.
Look at my website for my free ebook and articles that will help. www.stressalternatives.co.uk.
Liz Temple
Monday 20 April 2009
Yes to Life ZPoint Course
Hi
It's not often I shamelessly promote someone else's products, but this one has really shifted so much stuff for me personally. Inprevious blogs I've done, I have often recommended ZPoint Process. It's an amazing self help energy therapy that is so easy to learn and carry around with us and use whenever we feel distressed. It works as quickly as EFT (emotional freedom technique) and other similar modalities, but can be much more subtlely used when we are out in public, and doesn't give us the same self consciousness that some of us British folk suffer from so much!
In fact, it can be used for that very thing!! See my website www.stressalternatives.co.uk.
The beauty of this therapy is that it not only can be used for 'on the spot' distress, but can be used in the background for specific problems that repeat often in our lives, such as anger, depression and fear. The idea is to tune into the distressed feeling, like EFT does, and then to make an intention to 'clear' it. We 'tune in' by thinking about something or someone that brings up a feeling. That's how we bring the past and future into the present. Any tension that is brought up by this is then 'cleared' by intention and repeating a 'cue word' to ourselves.
Grant Connolly, the creator of this process has taken this further to address even deeper issues that all of us experience. His 21 days course covers aspects such as ourselves, our feeling of deserving, relationships, money worries, allowing 'what is', the need to be perfect, doubts and discomfort with change. His new protocol, recently devised, has been utilised in his new 'Yes to Life' course. It seems to go deeper than anything I personally have experienced in ZPoint, which is saying something because I've done some amazing alternative therapies. It covers our early years, worries, trust and self esteem. Since doing this, I feel the usual things that push my distress buttons have little or no effect. Any that do, I can easily deal with quickly.
Have a look on www.zpointforpeace.com.
It's not often I shamelessly promote someone else's products, but this one has really shifted so much stuff for me personally. Inprevious blogs I've done, I have often recommended ZPoint Process. It's an amazing self help energy therapy that is so easy to learn and carry around with us and use whenever we feel distressed. It works as quickly as EFT (emotional freedom technique) and other similar modalities, but can be much more subtlely used when we are out in public, and doesn't give us the same self consciousness that some of us British folk suffer from so much!
In fact, it can be used for that very thing!! See my website www.stressalternatives.co.uk.
The beauty of this therapy is that it not only can be used for 'on the spot' distress, but can be used in the background for specific problems that repeat often in our lives, such as anger, depression and fear. The idea is to tune into the distressed feeling, like EFT does, and then to make an intention to 'clear' it. We 'tune in' by thinking about something or someone that brings up a feeling. That's how we bring the past and future into the present. Any tension that is brought up by this is then 'cleared' by intention and repeating a 'cue word' to ourselves.
Grant Connolly, the creator of this process has taken this further to address even deeper issues that all of us experience. His 21 days course covers aspects such as ourselves, our feeling of deserving, relationships, money worries, allowing 'what is', the need to be perfect, doubts and discomfort with change. His new protocol, recently devised, has been utilised in his new 'Yes to Life' course. It seems to go deeper than anything I personally have experienced in ZPoint, which is saying something because I've done some amazing alternative therapies. It covers our early years, worries, trust and self esteem. Since doing this, I feel the usual things that push my distress buttons have little or no effect. Any that do, I can easily deal with quickly.
Have a look on www.zpointforpeace.com.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
