Hey
Doing a lot of letting go of old fearful beliefs, thoughts and feelings just now.
For some, and myself included, I logically know that fear just gets in the way of seeing things clearly and objectively, but still there's a large part of me resists letting go and getting to a calm place, particularly when it comes to thinking about specific topics. Money, for instance! Myself, for another instance!
And when I think logically about it, it all makes so much sense, but something deep down gives it, 'whoaahh horsey'! Shove on the brakes. Don't calm down. Keep that tension!
Is it all down to habits? Did I cheerfully take on my parents' beliefs about money for instance, and kept a hold of them cos I wanted to be like them, or I didn't trust myself that I'd not live in poverty with nothing to my name if I didn't 'care' about money?
And there's a lot of self-help advice around that says we should 'act as if' we had what we want. And same with life in general. Acting 'as if' will expose us to the threat we feel till we are so used to it, we calm down about it.
But, we can't go around spending money we don't have, for Pete's sake! That's a totally stupid thing to do! (Yes Banks!) It's also pretty stupid to spend every penny we earn and not invest for the future when we can't earn. It's easy to see the whole human race, near enough, shares my fear around money. Some never spend and some spend too much but both are out of balance!
Now what if we just felt 'as if' we had no money worries first? Then we could decide in our calm state, what course of action to take for the best. Stability would be our starting point, and our finishing point too!
So lets work at feeling OK about our 'demons', so 'feeling as if' before 'acting as if'. That means getting right down to the roots in our subconscious, at the beliefs.
It's easier than you think with new energy therapies.
For example, check ou my new ZPoint self help guide from the website.
www.stressalternatives.co.uk
Giddy up Horsey:)
Showing posts with label mental health. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mental health. Show all posts
Monday, 5 April 2010
Saturday, 30 January 2010
Calming our Naughty Child Inside
Hi
Here's a different way to look at our stress.
What if we could see it as the stressed naughty child inside of us that clambers for our attention? Long ago this child was born inside us, often as a result of a difficult event in our little susceptible young minds.
We might have matured as adults, but some part of us is stuck in the past, creating that pattern of thoughts, emotional tension and behaviour. That part kind of got stuck and didn't mature alongside us, even though it is still part of us.
We do all sorts of things to avoid or deal with that stress our child inside displays to us. See my blog, How to increase your emotional pain and keep it alive. We give it plenty of negative attention in the form of ignoring it, fighting it, suppressing it etc., and, like the naughty child, it ends up ruling us, and stopping us really living life to the full.
Often it's a crisis such as illness, addiction, relationship conflict or depression that can make us stop and examine the stressed child. Sometimes, even these crises have to be experienced over and over, and medical treatment failing or a new relationship create the same old problems.
Actually, the stressed child is not the 'devil incarnate' tho we sometimes call them our 'inner demons'. That younger part of us made certain conclusions and decisions during that difficult time in our lives that helped us make sense of and cope with what was going on at the time. Things like 'I'm not as good as others' in response to a failure, or 'I'll never get over ....' or 'I'll have to make up for being bad' keep the child stuck in the past and keep the program running in our subconscious mind, and all we know is that we feel panic when we get critisised or anger when we are ignored or guilty when we have to say no.
In traditional therapy, we would try and identify when the stressed child was born and try to understand it. This is fine, but takes a long time and isn't easy to do on one's own, but, like when you talk to the stressed child, it stops stressing.
In energy therapies, we just aim to calm that stressed child as quick as possible. When a child keeps tugging at you looking for attention, any good attention will calm them and bring out the best in them. Bad attention will just keep it stressed.
Next time that immature part of us causes stressed feelings, instead of thinking, 'This should not be happening!', we could try imagining us and it working together arm in arm to help us. I suspect that as a result of that alone without any fancy therapy it would start to grow up quite quickly and stop stressing itself and us!
For all the quick calming measures though, see my website: www.stressalternatives.co.uk.
Happy 2010 from Liz!
Here's a different way to look at our stress.
What if we could see it as the stressed naughty child inside of us that clambers for our attention? Long ago this child was born inside us, often as a result of a difficult event in our little susceptible young minds.
We might have matured as adults, but some part of us is stuck in the past, creating that pattern of thoughts, emotional tension and behaviour. That part kind of got stuck and didn't mature alongside us, even though it is still part of us.
We do all sorts of things to avoid or deal with that stress our child inside displays to us. See my blog, How to increase your emotional pain and keep it alive. We give it plenty of negative attention in the form of ignoring it, fighting it, suppressing it etc., and, like the naughty child, it ends up ruling us, and stopping us really living life to the full.
Often it's a crisis such as illness, addiction, relationship conflict or depression that can make us stop and examine the stressed child. Sometimes, even these crises have to be experienced over and over, and medical treatment failing or a new relationship create the same old problems.
Actually, the stressed child is not the 'devil incarnate' tho we sometimes call them our 'inner demons'. That younger part of us made certain conclusions and decisions during that difficult time in our lives that helped us make sense of and cope with what was going on at the time. Things like 'I'm not as good as others' in response to a failure, or 'I'll never get over ....' or 'I'll have to make up for being bad' keep the child stuck in the past and keep the program running in our subconscious mind, and all we know is that we feel panic when we get critisised or anger when we are ignored or guilty when we have to say no.
In traditional therapy, we would try and identify when the stressed child was born and try to understand it. This is fine, but takes a long time and isn't easy to do on one's own, but, like when you talk to the stressed child, it stops stressing.
In energy therapies, we just aim to calm that stressed child as quick as possible. When a child keeps tugging at you looking for attention, any good attention will calm them and bring out the best in them. Bad attention will just keep it stressed.
Next time that immature part of us causes stressed feelings, instead of thinking, 'This should not be happening!', we could try imagining us and it working together arm in arm to help us. I suspect that as a result of that alone without any fancy therapy it would start to grow up quite quickly and stop stressing itself and us!
For all the quick calming measures though, see my website: www.stressalternatives.co.uk.
Happy 2010 from Liz!
Wednesday, 14 October 2009
Mind Grooves
Hi
Sorry to go on about my dog again, but Taz has been giving us problems again! Or should I say 'challenges'? Or should I say, "He's been a little.....!" So much so that we were given the services of a brilliant dog behaviourist,Paul (www.K9ClickerTraining.co.uk) from our dog rescue centre. He reckons Taz does naughty stuff, not because of anxiety and the need to relieve tension, but because he's got a 'devilish' streak, and acts like that because he can! In other words, we have allowed the behaviour to develop.
Of course, to stop the behaviour now is going to cause initial tension because the habit has already been formed. So us humans have been given a set of instructions on how to allow him to feel the discomfort and calm him when we 'orchestrate' the trigger. (I love that expression 'orchestrate'!) After a few repetitions of calming, the bad behaviour stops and our doggy becomes a little angel!
Bad habits become ingrained just as easily in humans if they are repeated. We can calm ourselves when we realise we are going down the habitual route, unlike dogs who don't have an awareness of the trigger to behaviour route.
The trigger to behaviour route becomes a familiar groove in our mind the more often it is repeated.It also includes thoughts and feelings. In fact, the grooves we make in our minds feel like bobsleigh routes for some. Some patterns of behaviour we have been repeating over and over all our lives. For example, someone irritates us, and, before we know it, we're moaning, critisising or having a go at them. Someone moans at us, and, before we know it, we react by getting defensive and self-righteous. For someone who has built up self-consciousness about their appearance, the trigger can be as simple as passing a mirror, and the bobsleigh route of thoughts, feelings, panic symptoms and behaviour follow in micro-seconds.
Habitual thoughts are a result of those bobsleigh routes too. Some folk can hook on to suicidal ones. Some will think,'What's the point?' Some will think, 'I don't have enough.' Some will think, 'I am sick.'
Those thoughts are connected to painful feelings. It's all so sad!
Or what if we could make use of those painful feelings to remind us we're on the bobsleigh route?
So how do we stop ourselves going down the routes? After all, the routes are deep grooves!
If we can calm a dog, maybe we could calm ourselves! Maybe we could 'orchestrate' the trigger to behaviour/ thoughts/ feelings route a few times and deliberately calm ourselves in some way to replace that tension that the trigger activated? What if we deliberately thought about our lack of money, or our fearful or suicidal thoughts and intend to calm our resulting tension at that point?
There's loads of ways to change that tension to relaxation, from deliberate distraction to gratitude to energy therapies. Energy therapies make it so much quicker and less repetition and 'orchestration' will be necessary.
Look on my website: www.stressalternatives.co.uk. Look especially at my 'Intentional detachment practice' article.
Time for 'walkies'!
Sorry to go on about my dog again, but Taz has been giving us problems again! Or should I say 'challenges'? Or should I say, "He's been a little.....!" So much so that we were given the services of a brilliant dog behaviourist,Paul (www.K9ClickerTraining.co.uk) from our dog rescue centre. He reckons Taz does naughty stuff, not because of anxiety and the need to relieve tension, but because he's got a 'devilish' streak, and acts like that because he can! In other words, we have allowed the behaviour to develop.
Of course, to stop the behaviour now is going to cause initial tension because the habit has already been formed. So us humans have been given a set of instructions on how to allow him to feel the discomfort and calm him when we 'orchestrate' the trigger. (I love that expression 'orchestrate'!) After a few repetitions of calming, the bad behaviour stops and our doggy becomes a little angel!
Bad habits become ingrained just as easily in humans if they are repeated. We can calm ourselves when we realise we are going down the habitual route, unlike dogs who don't have an awareness of the trigger to behaviour route.
The trigger to behaviour route becomes a familiar groove in our mind the more often it is repeated.It also includes thoughts and feelings. In fact, the grooves we make in our minds feel like bobsleigh routes for some. Some patterns of behaviour we have been repeating over and over all our lives. For example, someone irritates us, and, before we know it, we're moaning, critisising or having a go at them. Someone moans at us, and, before we know it, we react by getting defensive and self-righteous. For someone who has built up self-consciousness about their appearance, the trigger can be as simple as passing a mirror, and the bobsleigh route of thoughts, feelings, panic symptoms and behaviour follow in micro-seconds.
Habitual thoughts are a result of those bobsleigh routes too. Some folk can hook on to suicidal ones. Some will think,'What's the point?' Some will think, 'I don't have enough.' Some will think, 'I am sick.'
Those thoughts are connected to painful feelings. It's all so sad!
Or what if we could make use of those painful feelings to remind us we're on the bobsleigh route?
So how do we stop ourselves going down the routes? After all, the routes are deep grooves!
If we can calm a dog, maybe we could calm ourselves! Maybe we could 'orchestrate' the trigger to behaviour/ thoughts/ feelings route a few times and deliberately calm ourselves in some way to replace that tension that the trigger activated? What if we deliberately thought about our lack of money, or our fearful or suicidal thoughts and intend to calm our resulting tension at that point?
There's loads of ways to change that tension to relaxation, from deliberate distraction to gratitude to energy therapies. Energy therapies make it so much quicker and less repetition and 'orchestration' will be necessary.
Look on my website: www.stressalternatives.co.uk. Look especially at my 'Intentional detachment practice' article.
Time for 'walkies'!
Monday, 20 April 2009
How to Increase Your Emotional Pain and Keep it Alive!
The subject matter in this blog comes thanks to a fantastic mental health project in Edinburgh called Redhall Walled Garden, who asked me to give a talk. Thanks to the trainees for putting up with my awful acting, and for staying to the end! BTW they didn't ask me to increase their emotional pain as the title suggests!
Inavertantly, we do an amazing amount of things to keep our emotional pain alive. It's not our fault, like some people (including ourselves) may think. Most of us don't really have a deliberate self-destructive masochistic side to us! We just don't realise what we're doing. It's like when we have to deal with a naughty child that keeps bugging us wanting attention.
Here's some of the things we do in response to sadness, fear, anger, excessive guilt and embarrassment. The same can be applied to the naughty child!
1) Dreading it: We say things like, 'This should not be happening!'
2) Fighting it: Seems like a good idea, but it will be back! Negative attention is better than no attention. Ask a naughty child!
3) Feeling guilty about it: Using it as an excuse to beat ourselves up. Naughty children can spot this to get what they want a mile away!
4) Hiding it: Pretending that we're 'normal' by not having the pain. Actually, it's more normal to have pain.
5) Being proud of it: We relate to others who have similar pain. We get what we want by expressing it. We all need an identity. If only we could identify more with the positives in our lives.
6) Being scared of it: This one is curious! We're scared of being scared.....the double whammy! But, like the naughty child, we have to be in control of it or it takes control. We have to calm ourselves when the pain turns up to be able to deal with it.
7) Suppressing it: Shoving it away when it appears only makes it come back, or lurk about, generally making us uncomfortable.
8) Playing with it: This one gives us a buzz. It's like the fairground ride or the adventure game. That excitement we feel when we are angry or fearful.
9) Analysing it: Our pains become a subject of great fascination for not only ourselves, but for friends and particularly for our psychiatrists and therapists (me too!). Of course, the idea in analysing it is that we can understand and cope with them, but, like the naughty child, we reward the negative behaviour instead of the positive.
10) Being a victim to it: Getting depressed about it and letting it 'get' to us means that it has total control.
11) Tormenting yourself with it: This happens when it goes quiet. We can't believe that it's not there, so we poke it a bit and wake it up. We don't exactly miss it, but we're a bit lost and confused without it. Then we complain when it comes back!
12) Feeling we need it: The absolute delusion! We cling to it because we think we'll do reckless things without fear. Actually, it's the fear that makes us do the reckless things. Fight/flight reaction drains away blood from our rational mind, so we can't think clearly. 'Counting to ten' before we act isn't such a bad idea.
All of these responses only feed that pain. The problemitself isn't often the real problem. Sure, sadness, anger, fear, embarrassment and excess guilt are not nice, but we make them last longer and they become more persistant because of our response to them. The naughty child loves all that!
So, what calms the naughty child? Acknowledgement they exist, reassurance, love and clear, calm messages about what is acceptable and unacceptable behaviour.
Could we do the same to ourselves when we experience emotional pain? Acknowledge it, reassure ourselves it won't last, stop beating ourselves up for having it and give it a clear message that it's time to let go instead of letting it get to us.
Look at my website for my free ebook and articles that will help. www.stressalternatives.co.uk.
Liz Temple
Inavertantly, we do an amazing amount of things to keep our emotional pain alive. It's not our fault, like some people (including ourselves) may think. Most of us don't really have a deliberate self-destructive masochistic side to us! We just don't realise what we're doing. It's like when we have to deal with a naughty child that keeps bugging us wanting attention.
Here's some of the things we do in response to sadness, fear, anger, excessive guilt and embarrassment. The same can be applied to the naughty child!
1) Dreading it: We say things like, 'This should not be happening!'
2) Fighting it: Seems like a good idea, but it will be back! Negative attention is better than no attention. Ask a naughty child!
3) Feeling guilty about it: Using it as an excuse to beat ourselves up. Naughty children can spot this to get what they want a mile away!
4) Hiding it: Pretending that we're 'normal' by not having the pain. Actually, it's more normal to have pain.
5) Being proud of it: We relate to others who have similar pain. We get what we want by expressing it. We all need an identity. If only we could identify more with the positives in our lives.
6) Being scared of it: This one is curious! We're scared of being scared.....the double whammy! But, like the naughty child, we have to be in control of it or it takes control. We have to calm ourselves when the pain turns up to be able to deal with it.
7) Suppressing it: Shoving it away when it appears only makes it come back, or lurk about, generally making us uncomfortable.
8) Playing with it: This one gives us a buzz. It's like the fairground ride or the adventure game. That excitement we feel when we are angry or fearful.
9) Analysing it: Our pains become a subject of great fascination for not only ourselves, but for friends and particularly for our psychiatrists and therapists (me too!). Of course, the idea in analysing it is that we can understand and cope with them, but, like the naughty child, we reward the negative behaviour instead of the positive.
10) Being a victim to it: Getting depressed about it and letting it 'get' to us means that it has total control.
11) Tormenting yourself with it: This happens when it goes quiet. We can't believe that it's not there, so we poke it a bit and wake it up. We don't exactly miss it, but we're a bit lost and confused without it. Then we complain when it comes back!
12) Feeling we need it: The absolute delusion! We cling to it because we think we'll do reckless things without fear. Actually, it's the fear that makes us do the reckless things. Fight/flight reaction drains away blood from our rational mind, so we can't think clearly. 'Counting to ten' before we act isn't such a bad idea.
All of these responses only feed that pain. The problemitself isn't often the real problem. Sure, sadness, anger, fear, embarrassment and excess guilt are not nice, but we make them last longer and they become more persistant because of our response to them. The naughty child loves all that!
So, what calms the naughty child? Acknowledgement they exist, reassurance, love and clear, calm messages about what is acceptable and unacceptable behaviour.
Could we do the same to ourselves when we experience emotional pain? Acknowledge it, reassure ourselves it won't last, stop beating ourselves up for having it and give it a clear message that it's time to let go instead of letting it get to us.
Look at my website for my free ebook and articles that will help. www.stressalternatives.co.uk.
Liz Temple
Saturday, 18 October 2008
Prevaricating about the Bush!
Hey
It's been some time and I'm still plagued by thinking too much so here's some thoughts:
We don't half beat about the bush and create unnecessary suffering for ourselves!
I had someone come for help the other day (and many others like her in the past) who sincerely wanted to get better, so, after listening to her story, I started to suggest ways to quickly reduce her suffering.
'Yes, but', she said, 'What I really want is to find out why I keep feeling the way I do. I feel I won't get better till I know this.'
Now, psychotherapists and counsellers do this, and sometimes it even helps people to understand why they overeat, or self-harm in other ways, or get bad tempered or whatever. They get 'eureka' moments where it all makes sense why they feel guilty when a news item showing cruelty to animals comes on the telly, or why they become enraged by someone moving their carefully lined up tins of beans out of line. They cook up a theory with their therapist that sounds very plausable and intelligent, and they believe it because their therapist is the expert.
It's all very nice to get an explanation that satisfies our curious nature, and gives us a sense of knowing ourself a bit better, but, in the end, to stop the repeated patterns of behavior, we still have to let go and move on. Belief changing is one way to do this, which we can do with our therapist, or we can do in our daily lives.
For example, if we believe we are stupid, we find ourselves failing repeatedly at things academic, and we spend a lot of our time thinking self-deprecating thoughts. This belief creates a block to success. It might have come originally from an innocent comment from a parent or teacher. If we make a decision to let go of this belief, we can find ourselves succeeding in things we wouldn't have dreamt of succeeding in before, because we no longer get in a state when we are asked to use our brains or logic. We can think straighter!
But what if we just let go of the need to know why we feel bad, and just got on with dealing with it? What if, whenever we feel bad, we just use a technique like Z Point (www.zpointprocess.com) or letting go in other ways described on my web site www.stressalternatives.co.uk? Quite often, we get insights into the 'whys' when we use these techniques anyway.
Another thing we very commonly do that stops us dealing with it ourselves is blame others. We often will say that we can't feel better till that other person or the rest of our world acts in a certain way. We can't be happy till everyone lines up their tins of beans with the labels at the front or till our loved one stops being angry.
We don't need to know how a car works to get into it and drive it, so why do we insist on understanding how our minds work? It's just wasting time and creating unnecessary suffering.
Ultimately, we can ask ourselves, 'Do we want to know why, or do we want to feel better now?', or 'Do we want to change the world or start with ourselves?'
Honestly, it's that simple!
Love Liz
It's been some time and I'm still plagued by thinking too much so here's some thoughts:
We don't half beat about the bush and create unnecessary suffering for ourselves!
I had someone come for help the other day (and many others like her in the past) who sincerely wanted to get better, so, after listening to her story, I started to suggest ways to quickly reduce her suffering.
'Yes, but', she said, 'What I really want is to find out why I keep feeling the way I do. I feel I won't get better till I know this.'
Now, psychotherapists and counsellers do this, and sometimes it even helps people to understand why they overeat, or self-harm in other ways, or get bad tempered or whatever. They get 'eureka' moments where it all makes sense why they feel guilty when a news item showing cruelty to animals comes on the telly, or why they become enraged by someone moving their carefully lined up tins of beans out of line. They cook up a theory with their therapist that sounds very plausable and intelligent, and they believe it because their therapist is the expert.
It's all very nice to get an explanation that satisfies our curious nature, and gives us a sense of knowing ourself a bit better, but, in the end, to stop the repeated patterns of behavior, we still have to let go and move on. Belief changing is one way to do this, which we can do with our therapist, or we can do in our daily lives.
For example, if we believe we are stupid, we find ourselves failing repeatedly at things academic, and we spend a lot of our time thinking self-deprecating thoughts. This belief creates a block to success. It might have come originally from an innocent comment from a parent or teacher. If we make a decision to let go of this belief, we can find ourselves succeeding in things we wouldn't have dreamt of succeeding in before, because we no longer get in a state when we are asked to use our brains or logic. We can think straighter!
But what if we just let go of the need to know why we feel bad, and just got on with dealing with it? What if, whenever we feel bad, we just use a technique like Z Point (www.zpointprocess.com) or letting go in other ways described on my web site www.stressalternatives.co.uk? Quite often, we get insights into the 'whys' when we use these techniques anyway.
Another thing we very commonly do that stops us dealing with it ourselves is blame others. We often will say that we can't feel better till that other person or the rest of our world acts in a certain way. We can't be happy till everyone lines up their tins of beans with the labels at the front or till our loved one stops being angry.
We don't need to know how a car works to get into it and drive it, so why do we insist on understanding how our minds work? It's just wasting time and creating unnecessary suffering.
Ultimately, we can ask ourselves, 'Do we want to know why, or do we want to feel better now?', or 'Do we want to change the world or start with ourselves?'
Honestly, it's that simple!
Love Liz
Friday, 28 December 2007
Warning Signs
I got a new lease car two weeks ago, and I love it!
I discovered it has a feature that I've never had on any car I've previously had. When it needs diesel, a light comes on, as with other cars I've had, but this one, when it gets dangerously low in fuel, the light starts flashing on and off. I like this! I'm easily pleased!
Wouldn't it be great if we could have a wee warning system like that when it comes to nurturing our mind? If only we had a flashing light that came on when we stopped nurturing our mind.
Actually, we do have a warning system in place. They are called emotions. They let us know by causing us pain that we are thinking something that is bad for us. In a situation that triggers off these thoughts, such as being out of our comfort zone, or rising to an annoying comment, we 'hook'. This process of 'hooking', or thinking a series of thoughts cause the emotional pain.
For example, we might go down the road of thinking thoughts that we are not good enough in a social situation, which might lead to emotional pain of embarrassment and anxiety. We are so wrapped up in our thoughts, i.e. our 'hooking' that we can't be in the 'here and now', and enjoy the social interactions in an authentic way. On top of that, if we don't see the emotional pain for what it is, just the 'warning light', we can start adding more bad thoughts to the 'hook' about how painful it is to be so shy, or shaky, or blushing, or panicky, making the hook bigger and the pain bigger as a result.
But maybe if we seen the emotional pain as the warning light that we are 'hooking', we could 'unhook' or 'let go' and stop the emotional pain. My website has some good tips on how http://www.stressalternatives.co.uk/.
With the car, I might decide to be stubborn and ignore the flashing light, and carry on driving, but inevitably the car will come to a halt if I don't take decisive action and buy some fuel, no matter how new or shiny it is!
It isn't so clear cut with us humans if we ignore the warning signals. Yes, we probably come to a halt in the end, but we tend to chunter along for a while in a less than optimum way, getting ill; losing opportunities; forming addictions if we don't take decisive action to 'unhook'.
It's a new way of working, but it puts us in the driving seat!
Happy New Year
Liz
I discovered it has a feature that I've never had on any car I've previously had. When it needs diesel, a light comes on, as with other cars I've had, but this one, when it gets dangerously low in fuel, the light starts flashing on and off. I like this! I'm easily pleased!
Wouldn't it be great if we could have a wee warning system like that when it comes to nurturing our mind? If only we had a flashing light that came on when we stopped nurturing our mind.
Actually, we do have a warning system in place. They are called emotions. They let us know by causing us pain that we are thinking something that is bad for us. In a situation that triggers off these thoughts, such as being out of our comfort zone, or rising to an annoying comment, we 'hook'. This process of 'hooking', or thinking a series of thoughts cause the emotional pain.
For example, we might go down the road of thinking thoughts that we are not good enough in a social situation, which might lead to emotional pain of embarrassment and anxiety. We are so wrapped up in our thoughts, i.e. our 'hooking' that we can't be in the 'here and now', and enjoy the social interactions in an authentic way. On top of that, if we don't see the emotional pain for what it is, just the 'warning light', we can start adding more bad thoughts to the 'hook' about how painful it is to be so shy, or shaky, or blushing, or panicky, making the hook bigger and the pain bigger as a result.
But maybe if we seen the emotional pain as the warning light that we are 'hooking', we could 'unhook' or 'let go' and stop the emotional pain. My website has some good tips on how http://www.stressalternatives.co.uk/.
With the car, I might decide to be stubborn and ignore the flashing light, and carry on driving, but inevitably the car will come to a halt if I don't take decisive action and buy some fuel, no matter how new or shiny it is!
It isn't so clear cut with us humans if we ignore the warning signals. Yes, we probably come to a halt in the end, but we tend to chunter along for a while in a less than optimum way, getting ill; losing opportunities; forming addictions if we don't take decisive action to 'unhook'.
It's a new way of working, but it puts us in the driving seat!
Happy New Year
Liz
Tuesday, 30 October 2007
Having a Bad Day
Happy Halloween
I was feeilng really negative and critical and dissatisfied yesterday, for no particular reason. The gloom just came from nowhere that I can think of, and made me feel like I wanted to hide away and blame the world for this awful struggle I was feeling.
I racked my brain trying to put it down to various things that had happened the previous few days, or the changing of the clocks to winter, or bad news about one of my family member's health, but nothing quite explained it to my satisfaction. Then I blamed the full moon, and my menstrual cycle, then I found a horoscope that predicted 'emotional turmoil' for the early part of the day due to 'moon-jupiter' something or other, so that got the blame (I quite liked that explanation!). One of the times I felt like this before, I had taken myself to the gym to try and shake it off, and when I looked at the TV screens there, it was the Pope's funeral, so I reckoned I was just picking up on the mood of the millions who were grieving his loss.
The truth is though, we can analyse our emotional pain as much as we like, but we really don't ever know why it's there. Having an explanation like, 'My father critisised me when I was young', or 'The full moon affects water balance, and we are 70% water' might appeal to us, but the former can be used as an excuse to continue underachieving and feeling sorry for ourself, and the latter can have us dreading every full moon!
However, if we use these explanations to say, 'That's OK. Maybe I'm just going through a normal low, but it's a bit more than normal because I'm tired, or life's a bit demanding at the moment', we can watch ourself having this feeling and know that no feelings can last forever. In other words, we 'let go' of the need to be anything else but where we are just now. When we do that, it doesn't affect us so badly, and we come out of it quicker too.
I read a brilliant quote the other day that goes like this, 'When you are going through hell, keep going'. I'd like to add, 'Don't stop to figure out why' and 'Try not to act like the devil while you're there!'.
I'm feeling much better now. I just have a couple of apologies to make to the victims of my grumpy mood!!
Funny how I don't feel the need to find an explanation for my 'normal' state!
Look me up on http://www.stressalternatives.co.uk/.
I was feeilng really negative and critical and dissatisfied yesterday, for no particular reason. The gloom just came from nowhere that I can think of, and made me feel like I wanted to hide away and blame the world for this awful struggle I was feeling.
I racked my brain trying to put it down to various things that had happened the previous few days, or the changing of the clocks to winter, or bad news about one of my family member's health, but nothing quite explained it to my satisfaction. Then I blamed the full moon, and my menstrual cycle, then I found a horoscope that predicted 'emotional turmoil' for the early part of the day due to 'moon-jupiter' something or other, so that got the blame (I quite liked that explanation!). One of the times I felt like this before, I had taken myself to the gym to try and shake it off, and when I looked at the TV screens there, it was the Pope's funeral, so I reckoned I was just picking up on the mood of the millions who were grieving his loss.
The truth is though, we can analyse our emotional pain as much as we like, but we really don't ever know why it's there. Having an explanation like, 'My father critisised me when I was young', or 'The full moon affects water balance, and we are 70% water' might appeal to us, but the former can be used as an excuse to continue underachieving and feeling sorry for ourself, and the latter can have us dreading every full moon!
However, if we use these explanations to say, 'That's OK. Maybe I'm just going through a normal low, but it's a bit more than normal because I'm tired, or life's a bit demanding at the moment', we can watch ourself having this feeling and know that no feelings can last forever. In other words, we 'let go' of the need to be anything else but where we are just now. When we do that, it doesn't affect us so badly, and we come out of it quicker too.
I read a brilliant quote the other day that goes like this, 'When you are going through hell, keep going'. I'd like to add, 'Don't stop to figure out why' and 'Try not to act like the devil while you're there!'.
I'm feeling much better now. I just have a couple of apologies to make to the victims of my grumpy mood!!
Funny how I don't feel the need to find an explanation for my 'normal' state!
Look me up on http://www.stressalternatives.co.uk/.
Tuesday, 9 October 2007
The Real World?
Welcome to my second blog of the day! It's only because I haven't had the computer for a week! Not because I have been working hard or anything!
I'm not one for films, as I don't like the idea of sitting down for too long doing 'nothing', but I do admit to liking 'Coronation Street' and 'Desperate Housewives'. There's something compelling about seeing other people's stories and getting angry, upset, proud, sad, surprised, scared, joyful etc on their behalf.
I guess it's the same when you make connections with real people, or when you do anything in life that pushes your emotional buttons. Even just waking up in the morning or looking in the mirror, or hearing a love song on the radio, or waiting in a queue for a bus.
For most of us, while we're watching the film or TV, we are able to tell ourselves, 'It's only a story', if our emotions get the better of us, and we can let go and get on with our lives after the programme is over, or even during it if necessary.
A bit closer to us, when we get emotional about the 'drama' played around us in the 'real world', it usually keeps the drama going and makes it worse if it is a 'bad' drama.
An example for me would be getting angry about my children fighting with each other, and joining in, so we all end up shreiking, and doors being slammed, and me feeling guilty because I'm a bad mother who can't control her kids, or her own temper! We haven't exactly got the Waltons now, but I am learning to let go (sometimes!) of my own internal drama a little, so that I can be in a better position to deal objectively with teenagers who wind each other up at the mere sight of each other! Mealtimes are fun in our house!
I do this by trying to be aware as much as possible when my buttons are pressed, and using these emotions as signals to let go.
Our ego is our personality or 'human' part that consists of thoughts, emotions, desires and behaviour, that interacts with the world all the time we are awake. This is the bit of us that has the 'buttons'.
So what if our ego that we've built up in this life is just a drama as well? What if our 'human' part or personality is our own story that we play the leading role in? If so, when it gets too painful or scary, we could just sit and watch it, as if we were watching someone else's story or a TV soap drama. We have a witnessing part of us that could do this, that we rarely use. If we did this when the going gets tough, our ego has to quieten down as a result. It only stays active as long as we give it attention, and attach our whole self to it, like we would to a TV drama. Our ego is always wanting attention. We don't always have to give it what it wants. It needs taking down a peg or two if it is being too negative or destructive. If you are feeling deep emotional pain, like grief and despair, or panic, or rage, sometimes you get the feeling you are watching yourself doing it. That's because you are watching your ego. You are more than your ego.
Thinking of yourself acting the drama of your own life can help enormously at times of emotional pain. You can decide to stop playing the tragedy and change the plot. You not only are the main actor in your life but you write the script as well. When something you experience is painful, you can take your attention off the pain and take a tea break. If you choose the tragedy, that's what you'll get. Choosing the good things in life isn't always easy. We need to clear the old habits our ego has taken on. My web site has lots of ideas to help with this: http://www.stressalternatives.co.uk/.
When my ego gets too negative and destructive it gives the game away by causing me emotional pain in the form of anger, sadness, guilt, embarrassment, or I think negatively, or I am tempted to behave in an undesirable way. I am learning to take note of these and realise I'm acting out the tragedy instead of the 'feelgood' story, and I let go more and more.
One of my favourite songs by John Mayer has a line in it that goes like this: 'There's no such thing as the real world: Just a lie you've got to rise above'.
Sending you love!!
I'm not one for films, as I don't like the idea of sitting down for too long doing 'nothing', but I do admit to liking 'Coronation Street' and 'Desperate Housewives'. There's something compelling about seeing other people's stories and getting angry, upset, proud, sad, surprised, scared, joyful etc on their behalf.
I guess it's the same when you make connections with real people, or when you do anything in life that pushes your emotional buttons. Even just waking up in the morning or looking in the mirror, or hearing a love song on the radio, or waiting in a queue for a bus.
For most of us, while we're watching the film or TV, we are able to tell ourselves, 'It's only a story', if our emotions get the better of us, and we can let go and get on with our lives after the programme is over, or even during it if necessary.
A bit closer to us, when we get emotional about the 'drama' played around us in the 'real world', it usually keeps the drama going and makes it worse if it is a 'bad' drama.
An example for me would be getting angry about my children fighting with each other, and joining in, so we all end up shreiking, and doors being slammed, and me feeling guilty because I'm a bad mother who can't control her kids, or her own temper! We haven't exactly got the Waltons now, but I am learning to let go (sometimes!) of my own internal drama a little, so that I can be in a better position to deal objectively with teenagers who wind each other up at the mere sight of each other! Mealtimes are fun in our house!
I do this by trying to be aware as much as possible when my buttons are pressed, and using these emotions as signals to let go.
Our ego is our personality or 'human' part that consists of thoughts, emotions, desires and behaviour, that interacts with the world all the time we are awake. This is the bit of us that has the 'buttons'.
So what if our ego that we've built up in this life is just a drama as well? What if our 'human' part or personality is our own story that we play the leading role in? If so, when it gets too painful or scary, we could just sit and watch it, as if we were watching someone else's story or a TV soap drama. We have a witnessing part of us that could do this, that we rarely use. If we did this when the going gets tough, our ego has to quieten down as a result. It only stays active as long as we give it attention, and attach our whole self to it, like we would to a TV drama. Our ego is always wanting attention. We don't always have to give it what it wants. It needs taking down a peg or two if it is being too negative or destructive. If you are feeling deep emotional pain, like grief and despair, or panic, or rage, sometimes you get the feeling you are watching yourself doing it. That's because you are watching your ego. You are more than your ego.
Thinking of yourself acting the drama of your own life can help enormously at times of emotional pain. You can decide to stop playing the tragedy and change the plot. You not only are the main actor in your life but you write the script as well. When something you experience is painful, you can take your attention off the pain and take a tea break. If you choose the tragedy, that's what you'll get. Choosing the good things in life isn't always easy. We need to clear the old habits our ego has taken on. My web site has lots of ideas to help with this: http://www.stressalternatives.co.uk/.
When my ego gets too negative and destructive it gives the game away by causing me emotional pain in the form of anger, sadness, guilt, embarrassment, or I think negatively, or I am tempted to behave in an undesirable way. I am learning to take note of these and realise I'm acting out the tragedy instead of the 'feelgood' story, and I let go more and more.
One of my favourite songs by John Mayer has a line in it that goes like this: 'There's no such thing as the real world: Just a lie you've got to rise above'.
Sending you love!!
Tuesday, 18 September 2007
Scotch Broth for the Heart!
Hi from the kitchen.
I just made a pot of lentil soup! Sorry, scotch broth is beyond me, and not so 'new age' either! It made me think of nurturing. Shame not all my children will eat my soup. Maybe it's because it's 'pants'. Naw, it's probably because it doesn't give the same 'buzz' as the tinned tomato! You have to take a few spoonfuls before you realise what you've got. The tinned tomato doesn't have the same lumpy consistency, and it looks and smells great and promising, but not so good for you as the home made! So, if I want others to eat my lentil soup, or for that matter read my articles on my website www.stressalternatives.co.uk I have to convince them to 'have a few spoonfuls'.
I don't have a lot of charismatic verbal persuasive skills up my sleeve. Most people try stuff they're not sure of by being frightened into it by being forced or told the consequences of their inactions, or because they haven't any other choice (and they're hungry enough), or they might do it because they want to impress the person who recommends it. So, if I want my kids to eat my lentil soup, I have a few choices: 1) give them nothing else (and hide all the goodies, treats and lock the food cupboards!) ; 2) preach to them about the horrible diseases they might get if they don't eat my lentil soup; 3) ram it down their throats until they learn their lesson! They'll grow up big and strong but a bit loopy! 4) bribe them with the yummy ice cream for after they've eaten the soup or 5) give them real choice: my soup or the tinned, and give them whatever they choose with love, and hope that the love makes up for the the excess salt and sugar in the tin. I reckon it always does! Just don't give them too much choice and don't include sweets and crisps in the main course!
Anyway, getting back to my advice for personal development and mental health, it isn't that obvious till you read the articles that my website is full of stuff you can get your teeth into, but it is,so when you realise that your antidepressants are just 'tinned soup', visit me!
www.stressalternatives.co.uk
Bon appetite!
I just made a pot of lentil soup! Sorry, scotch broth is beyond me, and not so 'new age' either! It made me think of nurturing. Shame not all my children will eat my soup. Maybe it's because it's 'pants'. Naw, it's probably because it doesn't give the same 'buzz' as the tinned tomato! You have to take a few spoonfuls before you realise what you've got. The tinned tomato doesn't have the same lumpy consistency, and it looks and smells great and promising, but not so good for you as the home made! So, if I want others to eat my lentil soup, or for that matter read my articles on my website www.stressalternatives.co.uk I have to convince them to 'have a few spoonfuls'.
I don't have a lot of charismatic verbal persuasive skills up my sleeve. Most people try stuff they're not sure of by being frightened into it by being forced or told the consequences of their inactions, or because they haven't any other choice (and they're hungry enough), or they might do it because they want to impress the person who recommends it. So, if I want my kids to eat my lentil soup, I have a few choices: 1) give them nothing else (and hide all the goodies, treats and lock the food cupboards!) ; 2) preach to them about the horrible diseases they might get if they don't eat my lentil soup; 3) ram it down their throats until they learn their lesson! They'll grow up big and strong but a bit loopy! 4) bribe them with the yummy ice cream for after they've eaten the soup or 5) give them real choice: my soup or the tinned, and give them whatever they choose with love, and hope that the love makes up for the the excess salt and sugar in the tin. I reckon it always does! Just don't give them too much choice and don't include sweets and crisps in the main course!
Anyway, getting back to my advice for personal development and mental health, it isn't that obvious till you read the articles that my website is full of stuff you can get your teeth into, but it is,so when you realise that your antidepressants are just 'tinned soup', visit me!
www.stressalternatives.co.uk
Bon appetite!
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