The Real World?

Welcome to my second blog of the day! It's only because I haven't had the computer for a week! Not because I have been working hard or anything!

I'm not one for films, as I don't like the idea of sitting down for too long doing 'nothing', but I do admit to liking 'Coronation Street' and 'Desperate Housewives'. There's something compelling about seeing other people's stories and getting angry, upset, proud, sad, surprised, scared, joyful etc on their behalf.

I guess it's the same when you make connections with real people, or when you do anything in life that pushes your emotional buttons. Even just waking up in the morning or looking in the mirror, or hearing a love song on the radio, or waiting in a queue for a bus.

For most of us, while we're watching the film or TV, we are able to tell ourselves, 'It's only a story', if our emotions get the better of us, and we can let go and get on with our lives after the programme is over, or even during it if necessary.

A bit closer to us, when we get emotional about the 'drama' played around us in the 'real world', it usually keeps the drama going and makes it worse if it is a 'bad' drama.

An example for me would be getting angry about my children fighting with each other, and joining in, so we all end up shreiking, and doors being slammed, and me feeling guilty because I'm a bad mother who can't control her kids, or her own temper! We haven't exactly got the Waltons now, but I am learning to let go (sometimes!) of my own internal drama a little, so that I can be in a better position to deal objectively with teenagers who wind each other up at the mere sight of each other! Mealtimes are fun in our house!

I do this by trying to be aware as much as possible when my buttons are pressed, and using these emotions as signals to let go.

Our ego is our personality or 'human' part that consists of thoughts, emotions, desires and behaviour, that interacts with the world all the time we are awake. This is the bit of us that has the 'buttons'.

So what if our ego that we've built up in this life is just a drama as well? What if our 'human' part or personality is our own story that we play the leading role in? If so, when it gets too painful or scary, we could just sit and watch it, as if we were watching someone else's story or a TV soap drama. We have a witnessing part of us that could do this, that we rarely use. If we did this when the going gets tough, our ego has to quieten down as a result. It only stays active as long as we give it attention, and attach our whole self to it, like we would to a TV drama. Our ego is always wanting attention. We don't always have to give it what it wants. It needs taking down a peg or two if it is being too negative or destructive. If you are feeling deep emotional pain, like grief and despair, or panic, or rage, sometimes you get the feeling you are watching yourself doing it. That's because you are watching your ego. You are more than your ego.

Thinking of yourself acting the drama of your own life can help enormously at times of emotional pain. You can decide to stop playing the tragedy and change the plot. You not only are the main actor in your life but you write the script as well. When something you experience is painful, you can take your attention off the pain and take a tea break. If you choose the tragedy, that's what you'll get. Choosing the good things in life isn't always easy. We need to clear the old habits our ego has taken on. My web site has lots of ideas to help with this: http://www.stressalternatives.co.uk/.

When my ego gets too negative and destructive it gives the game away by causing me emotional pain in the form of anger, sadness, guilt, embarrassment, or I think negatively, or I am tempted to behave in an undesirable way. I am learning to take note of these and realise I'm acting out the tragedy instead of the 'feelgood' story, and I let go more and more.

One of my favourite songs by John Mayer has a line in it that goes like this: 'There's no such thing as the real world: Just a lie you've got to rise above'.

Sending you love!!