There's one thing overcoming our fear of change but I and many others need a 'kick up the rear' before we move forward to improve things in our lives. It seems to me to be because of the way we were brought up or 'conditioned' in the home and our schools.
If we get punished for not behaving well, we bring that into the present and wait till we get 'punished', are in difficulty, we are at the end of our tether or get ill before we decide to change behaviour or improve something we are 'putting up' with, or get out of a bad situation.
Sometimes even that doesn't make us improve things. It might just allow us to see ourselves even more as a victim with no power over our lives. We might be still running the old conditioning that makes us believe we are wrong, bad, useless or unworthy.
So about waiting for something 'bad' to happen before we do something about it, I look back at my life and realise that I've functioned from this space quite a lot. I use words like, 'I'd better go and do the housework'. The 'I'd better' says a lot...that we 'make' ourselves do stuff we 'should' do but don't want to really instead of choosing to do it from a place of power. At some point I picked up that housework was an awful chore. I wonder if it was because my Mother thought it was or because I would fight with my sisters about who 'had' to do it. It somehow was conditioned into me.
Work in general has the same 'air' about it. For so many of us we associate work with that, 'I'd better' feeling. We end up fighting against ourselves to go to work or avoid it as if it's going to kill us or at least drain all our energy! We talk about 'working too hard' and 'needing a rest' when most of us have never had it so good and easy!
With an expression like a good 'work ethic' we have to make work an 'ethical' thing to do instead of our choice. Or we completely cut it off for 40 hours or so a week and get in a grump if we 'have' to work at home as well. I wonder if thats why our mind and body says 'no' when we come home and cook, do housework or look after the kids. How many of us just want to slump in a chair with a cuppa or a wine or 2 after work?
So what would happen if we find a way of rising above that 'have to' feeling whenever we have it? It's a 'heartsink' feeling that in reality is not useful. it's old programming. How easy is it for us to have energy when we are engrossed in something we love doing? Suddenly we can be like an Olympic runner (well almost!) when we do something we're passionate about.
And what if we are conditioned early on that everything is an effort? Could this even happen at a traumatic birth when Mum gets so tired during labour? Just a thought!
So this is what I'm going to try for the next while. I'm going to ask for and muster up enthusiasm for everything I consider to be 'work' which often includes for me getting up in the morning. For some folk and for me sometimes (though much less lately) anything that involves getting out of a chair has become 'work'. It's not our fault, just that if it didn't feel like effort in the mind, maybe the body would respond with enthusiasm, health, joy and energy. So when that feeling of 'I'd better' gets us remember we picked it up years ago and chuck it. and if you're having trouble knowing how, check out my website for an energy therapy that'll help. I'm hoping this will really lift my energy!
With Love and enthusiasm ;)
Liz www.stressalternatives.co.uk
Sunday, 27 May 2012
Sunday, 7 August 2011
Joe Bloggs....Notice the pun ;)
There was a wee lad called Joe.
When he was young, if he had a fall, or anything 'bad' happened around him, his Mum would freak out, literally draw in her breath and totally react as if he had died!
Its not surprising that he learned at an early age to 'be careful'. His Mum was always telling him to do this. He didn't do it for himself. In fact, he was a bit puzzled about it. He did it for his Mum, because he hated to see her afraid.
He became a good little boy who never took chances in case he died right in front of his Mum. He learned that his Mum was much more relaxed and happy if he held in his natural instinct to run and climb and swing on ropes and speed down hills on his bike with no hands.
He learned only to do these things when she wasn't there, but, even then a 50% part of him felt tense about it. The part that doubted and believed his Mother's story that he might die.
This tense part stopped him really being able to judge what was dangerous because he would either be wary and think that everything was a danger (like his Mother's story) and this stiffened his muscles, causing slowness and more likelihood of accident, or he would rebel against tha, taking risks, getting a huge adrenalin rush to the point of feeling invincible, and have more near misses and accidents, and get addicted to the adrenalin.
If he had been picked up calmly after a fall, dusted down, given a wash and plaster, given a hug and had the danger calmly pointed out to him, how different would his behaviour have been after?
Possibly, he would have no tension at all while running, climbing and riding his bike, but he would be more aware from previous falls what risks there were, and could 100% enjoy the activity, be totally alert and act in safe way at the same time.
What did that 50% tension end up doing?
Did it really keep him safe, or did it stop him living life to the full?
Even worse, could it have hung around with him, being triggered over and over again every time he seen a 'risk'? Could it have spread to others around him when he grew up the way his Mother's fear did? Could he have found himself having to have a few too many drinks after he drove home in busy traffic to calm himself? Could he have found himself having to stick to a rigid routine to keep 'surprises' at bay? Could he have panicked each time his teenage daughter or son went out with their friends, because that 50% part felt like they might die? Could he have found himself trying to control everyone around him in order to minimise his own fear, even though he couldn't figure out what he was afraid of?
Then, after a while, after developing several addictions like alcohol, prescription drugs, work and computer games, insomnia and depression, he might have gone for therapy. The therapist might have told him that fear was normal and protected him from danger. They might have put his fear down to one or two of the many incidents he noticed in his life where he experienced fear. After talking these incidents through in detail (at £100 per hour!) and figuring out where he had made bad decisions, still his fear may have remained!
Why? Because it wasn't his fear to begin with! It was his Mother's!
And, guess what? His Mother's fear wasn't hers to begin with either! Ding ding!!
I meet lads and lassies like Joe all the time at my work! (But I don't charge £100 per hour!)
So, the next time you feel fear, don't try to analyse or judge it. Just find a way to calm it. We've all been carrying all this on for far too long! For generations!
Time to stop and live our life!
Find out the easy ways to do it on my website.
www.stressalternatives.co.uk.
Love and Plasters
Liz :)
When he was young, if he had a fall, or anything 'bad' happened around him, his Mum would freak out, literally draw in her breath and totally react as if he had died!
Its not surprising that he learned at an early age to 'be careful'. His Mum was always telling him to do this. He didn't do it for himself. In fact, he was a bit puzzled about it. He did it for his Mum, because he hated to see her afraid.
He became a good little boy who never took chances in case he died right in front of his Mum. He learned that his Mum was much more relaxed and happy if he held in his natural instinct to run and climb and swing on ropes and speed down hills on his bike with no hands.
He learned only to do these things when she wasn't there, but, even then a 50% part of him felt tense about it. The part that doubted and believed his Mother's story that he might die.
This tense part stopped him really being able to judge what was dangerous because he would either be wary and think that everything was a danger (like his Mother's story) and this stiffened his muscles, causing slowness and more likelihood of accident, or he would rebel against tha, taking risks, getting a huge adrenalin rush to the point of feeling invincible, and have more near misses and accidents, and get addicted to the adrenalin.
If he had been picked up calmly after a fall, dusted down, given a wash and plaster, given a hug and had the danger calmly pointed out to him, how different would his behaviour have been after?
Possibly, he would have no tension at all while running, climbing and riding his bike, but he would be more aware from previous falls what risks there were, and could 100% enjoy the activity, be totally alert and act in safe way at the same time.
What did that 50% tension end up doing?
Did it really keep him safe, or did it stop him living life to the full?
Even worse, could it have hung around with him, being triggered over and over again every time he seen a 'risk'? Could it have spread to others around him when he grew up the way his Mother's fear did? Could he have found himself having to have a few too many drinks after he drove home in busy traffic to calm himself? Could he have found himself having to stick to a rigid routine to keep 'surprises' at bay? Could he have panicked each time his teenage daughter or son went out with their friends, because that 50% part felt like they might die? Could he have found himself trying to control everyone around him in order to minimise his own fear, even though he couldn't figure out what he was afraid of?
Then, after a while, after developing several addictions like alcohol, prescription drugs, work and computer games, insomnia and depression, he might have gone for therapy. The therapist might have told him that fear was normal and protected him from danger. They might have put his fear down to one or two of the many incidents he noticed in his life where he experienced fear. After talking these incidents through in detail (at £100 per hour!) and figuring out where he had made bad decisions, still his fear may have remained!
Why? Because it wasn't his fear to begin with! It was his Mother's!
And, guess what? His Mother's fear wasn't hers to begin with either! Ding ding!!
I meet lads and lassies like Joe all the time at my work! (But I don't charge £100 per hour!)
So, the next time you feel fear, don't try to analyse or judge it. Just find a way to calm it. We've all been carrying all this on for far too long! For generations!
Time to stop and live our life!
Find out the easy ways to do it on my website.
www.stressalternatives.co.uk.
Love and Plasters
Liz :)
Saturday, 16 July 2011
What Will Be Will Be: My Lesson as a Parent and Carer
Thinking...for a change...about caring about something, especially that which we can't change but would dearly love to.
Like the past: all the daft things we've done or said and regret.
Or the weather. We can't change that, but we can still allow ourselves to get upset about it.
Or the actions of someone else, especially if it's someone we 'care' about or if what they do affects us.
How hard is it to 'not care'? To allow what will be to be?
A lot of our lives, we spend 'caring' or striving to achieve that level of excellence that will gratify us and stop the dissatisfaction of things not being perfect.
'Acceptance' is seen as a dirty word for losers and the mediocre.
But, you know what? Acceptance is not 'giving in' and putting up with 'just good enough'.
In mindfulness, it is a principle of seeing how things really are and letting go of the judgement of it...the 'caring' about it. In fact, having any opinion on it at all...just witnessing it.
It doesn't mean that you then do nothing about it and give in to the situation, because that brings you to despair and depression.
Acceptance is only meant to make you feel better and more relaxed about it, then you can decide what to do next from a more objective place. How to 'duck and dive' and get over the hurdle, rather than plough your way through it and knacker yourself.
Feeling better about anything that's happening in our life, or whatever has happened will lead us to be more flexible, objective, compassionate, more able to adjust and more able to choose the best course of action next.
If something bad does happen, it's better to calm down about it before we react. The old saying, 'count to ten' is so right....but not easy:)
Those who find it hardest to accept are folk who have always 'tried' hard and have often got their success from working, pushing, not giving up, controlling and sometimes manipulating, and 'caring' about what they are doing, and, as long as they get their way...(the 'right' way), they feel great. (Not sure about those around them!)
Even I do it....(surprising no-one I live with) after 21 years of being a mother....silly me! I even do it sometimes with my patients. 'But, of course you should care about your patients!', I hear my ego say! Not when 'caring' and controlling are confused as the same. That's not caring!
That's the carers' sickness really. Often it's really hard for some of us 'carers' to detach from the potential outcome of our therapeutic input with a patient, or our 'care' of a child or sick relative.
When we 'care' or 'attach', we either do too much for them, disempowering them, and draining ourselves, or get annoyed, frustrated or indignant that they don't do what we want, and get critical and judgemental of them, or, worse, reject or cut them off because 'we know best' what they should do in their lives. (Sometimes we may be right, but we won't persuade them we are if we judge them!)
So, should we just accept that some folk...God forbid...think differently from us, and the people we care about go to rack and ruin because of it? No!
But, we have to be in a more objective place before we can really be good at truly caring..This is finally dawning on me....better late than never!
If I feel OK about whatever is going on, even the horrendous news on TV....or horrenous TV for that matter!....or the injustices and corruption all around, or the state of the country's finances and healthcare, or all my own mistakes, and all those who have 'wronged' me, and all my losses and failures, and even about folks I believe to be doing things that are bad for them, I can be more helpful to myself and the world from that place of 'acceptance', because I can think straight about what to do for the best.
But I keep forgetting to feel OK....Wish I had a better memory! I guess I could accept that too:)
Take 'care'.
Liz
www.stressalternatives.co.uk
Like the past: all the daft things we've done or said and regret.
Or the weather. We can't change that, but we can still allow ourselves to get upset about it.
Or the actions of someone else, especially if it's someone we 'care' about or if what they do affects us.
How hard is it to 'not care'? To allow what will be to be?
A lot of our lives, we spend 'caring' or striving to achieve that level of excellence that will gratify us and stop the dissatisfaction of things not being perfect.
'Acceptance' is seen as a dirty word for losers and the mediocre.
But, you know what? Acceptance is not 'giving in' and putting up with 'just good enough'.
In mindfulness, it is a principle of seeing how things really are and letting go of the judgement of it...the 'caring' about it. In fact, having any opinion on it at all...just witnessing it.
It doesn't mean that you then do nothing about it and give in to the situation, because that brings you to despair and depression.
Acceptance is only meant to make you feel better and more relaxed about it, then you can decide what to do next from a more objective place. How to 'duck and dive' and get over the hurdle, rather than plough your way through it and knacker yourself.
Feeling better about anything that's happening in our life, or whatever has happened will lead us to be more flexible, objective, compassionate, more able to adjust and more able to choose the best course of action next.
If something bad does happen, it's better to calm down about it before we react. The old saying, 'count to ten' is so right....but not easy:)
Those who find it hardest to accept are folk who have always 'tried' hard and have often got their success from working, pushing, not giving up, controlling and sometimes manipulating, and 'caring' about what they are doing, and, as long as they get their way...(the 'right' way), they feel great. (Not sure about those around them!)
Even I do it....(surprising no-one I live with) after 21 years of being a mother....silly me! I even do it sometimes with my patients. 'But, of course you should care about your patients!', I hear my ego say! Not when 'caring' and controlling are confused as the same. That's not caring!
That's the carers' sickness really. Often it's really hard for some of us 'carers' to detach from the potential outcome of our therapeutic input with a patient, or our 'care' of a child or sick relative.
When we 'care' or 'attach', we either do too much for them, disempowering them, and draining ourselves, or get annoyed, frustrated or indignant that they don't do what we want, and get critical and judgemental of them, or, worse, reject or cut them off because 'we know best' what they should do in their lives. (Sometimes we may be right, but we won't persuade them we are if we judge them!)
So, should we just accept that some folk...God forbid...think differently from us, and the people we care about go to rack and ruin because of it? No!
But, we have to be in a more objective place before we can really be good at truly caring..This is finally dawning on me....better late than never!
If I feel OK about whatever is going on, even the horrendous news on TV....or horrenous TV for that matter!....or the injustices and corruption all around, or the state of the country's finances and healthcare, or all my own mistakes, and all those who have 'wronged' me, and all my losses and failures, and even about folks I believe to be doing things that are bad for them, I can be more helpful to myself and the world from that place of 'acceptance', because I can think straight about what to do for the best.
But I keep forgetting to feel OK....Wish I had a better memory! I guess I could accept that too:)
Take 'care'.
Liz
www.stressalternatives.co.uk
Friday, 4 February 2011
Fixed!
Hey
Long time no write!
I blame facebook:) and life being amazing and becoming more amazing every day. You wouldn't think it from the outside, but there's a lot of stuff happening internally, and...any day now...!
I discovered 'meta-medicine', which helped me get into the ball park of the emotional cause for an irritating physical condition and I cured it with a simple process.
Fab! No drugs, remedies (although, believe me, I'd tried them all!) and it all took a few minutes. OMG!
It's amazing what you can achieve when you have an open mind! And good intention.
And you know, all I did was 'allow' as opposed to 'try'! But that takes getting yourself out of the way.
Anyway thanks to meta-medicine, and a visit to a past event and letting go of the emotion that was trapped at that point, I can go the whole night without goin to the loo...Ah joy!
www.metamedicine.com
Love Liz
Long time no write!
I blame facebook:) and life being amazing and becoming more amazing every day. You wouldn't think it from the outside, but there's a lot of stuff happening internally, and...any day now...!
I discovered 'meta-medicine', which helped me get into the ball park of the emotional cause for an irritating physical condition and I cured it with a simple process.
Fab! No drugs, remedies (although, believe me, I'd tried them all!) and it all took a few minutes. OMG!
It's amazing what you can achieve when you have an open mind! And good intention.
And you know, all I did was 'allow' as opposed to 'try'! But that takes getting yourself out of the way.
Anyway thanks to meta-medicine, and a visit to a past event and letting go of the emotion that was trapped at that point, I can go the whole night without goin to the loo...Ah joy!
www.metamedicine.com
Love Liz
Monday, 5 April 2010
'As If'
Hey
Doing a lot of letting go of old fearful beliefs, thoughts and feelings just now.
For some, and myself included, I logically know that fear just gets in the way of seeing things clearly and objectively, but still there's a large part of me resists letting go and getting to a calm place, particularly when it comes to thinking about specific topics. Money, for instance! Myself, for another instance!
And when I think logically about it, it all makes so much sense, but something deep down gives it, 'whoaahh horsey'! Shove on the brakes. Don't calm down. Keep that tension!
Is it all down to habits? Did I cheerfully take on my parents' beliefs about money for instance, and kept a hold of them cos I wanted to be like them, or I didn't trust myself that I'd not live in poverty with nothing to my name if I didn't 'care' about money?
And there's a lot of self-help advice around that says we should 'act as if' we had what we want. And same with life in general. Acting 'as if' will expose us to the threat we feel till we are so used to it, we calm down about it.
But, we can't go around spending money we don't have, for Pete's sake! That's a totally stupid thing to do! (Yes Banks!) It's also pretty stupid to spend every penny we earn and not invest for the future when we can't earn. It's easy to see the whole human race, near enough, shares my fear around money. Some never spend and some spend too much but both are out of balance!
Now what if we just felt 'as if' we had no money worries first? Then we could decide in our calm state, what course of action to take for the best. Stability would be our starting point, and our finishing point too!
So lets work at feeling OK about our 'demons', so 'feeling as if' before 'acting as if'. That means getting right down to the roots in our subconscious, at the beliefs.
It's easier than you think with new energy therapies.
For example, check ou my new ZPoint self help guide from the website.
www.stressalternatives.co.uk
Giddy up Horsey:)
Doing a lot of letting go of old fearful beliefs, thoughts and feelings just now.
For some, and myself included, I logically know that fear just gets in the way of seeing things clearly and objectively, but still there's a large part of me resists letting go and getting to a calm place, particularly when it comes to thinking about specific topics. Money, for instance! Myself, for another instance!
And when I think logically about it, it all makes so much sense, but something deep down gives it, 'whoaahh horsey'! Shove on the brakes. Don't calm down. Keep that tension!
Is it all down to habits? Did I cheerfully take on my parents' beliefs about money for instance, and kept a hold of them cos I wanted to be like them, or I didn't trust myself that I'd not live in poverty with nothing to my name if I didn't 'care' about money?
And there's a lot of self-help advice around that says we should 'act as if' we had what we want. And same with life in general. Acting 'as if' will expose us to the threat we feel till we are so used to it, we calm down about it.
But, we can't go around spending money we don't have, for Pete's sake! That's a totally stupid thing to do! (Yes Banks!) It's also pretty stupid to spend every penny we earn and not invest for the future when we can't earn. It's easy to see the whole human race, near enough, shares my fear around money. Some never spend and some spend too much but both are out of balance!
Now what if we just felt 'as if' we had no money worries first? Then we could decide in our calm state, what course of action to take for the best. Stability would be our starting point, and our finishing point too!
So lets work at feeling OK about our 'demons', so 'feeling as if' before 'acting as if'. That means getting right down to the roots in our subconscious, at the beliefs.
It's easier than you think with new energy therapies.
For example, check ou my new ZPoint self help guide from the website.
www.stressalternatives.co.uk
Giddy up Horsey:)
Sunday, 28 March 2010
In Favour of Calmness and Inner Peace
The other day I helped with a first aid situation. A friend lost her footing and fell backwards down a stone staircase, hitting her head. With my nurses head on, I and several others went into rescue mode. As we sat her up, it was obvious she had cut the back of her head and blood was pouring all over very dramatically.
The outcome for her was fine, though for her clothes maybe not so good.
What was interesting was the reaction of other people in the group. My poor little daughter, who hadn't witnessed anything so horrific before, went white. She had gone into shock. Others probably did too.
Others were calm enough to assist with chairs, paper towels, wipes, etc on our orders. My mother (bless her) went into 'disaster' mode and decided she would need at least an X ray, if not emergency brain surgery!
I was grateful a 'proper' nurse was there, who calmed us all by knowing exactly what to do, and that it wasn't a serious injury.
Meanwhile, the victim of the fall was more concerned that we didn't get blood on our clothes than about herself.
It makes me think of a fear 'continuum' or 'slope'. At an extreme top end, my daughter was so shocked, she 'shut off', and people who faint at the sight of blood shut off even more. Further down that slope, there was my mum, panicking and throwing her fear around by voicing the worst in front of the patient. Then further down were a few others who did their bit to help, including myself. Then the calmest was the nurse who took control, knew exactly what to do, worked on the injury and kept us all calm.
With any situation, a similar fear 'slope' is felt within us. At the top end, we shut off, not feeling the feelinngs and we can't think straight. Further down, we might feel the fear more, but we see disaster round the corner, and throw that fear around. As we get calmer, we can think most objectively and function at our best.
Some may misunderstand and think that total calmness would cause us to do nothing, and 'not care', but I'd put that in the 'shut off' area.
I don't believe that we need a little bit of tension to function, as is often suggested by psychologists. When we're calm, we think straight. We can still have drive, enthusiasm, joy, and energy and be calm. In fact, it is essential for true optimum functioning. Tension gets in the way of enjoying all of the good things.
So, what if we are someone who faints at the sight of blood, or is phobic of heights, loses our temper before we can stop ourself, or gets panicky as soon as the spotlight hits us, or gets unexplained pain, emotional or physical? They all point to that underlying tension in what most people call our subconscious mind. There are 'programmes' or belief systems running underneath that feed the tension, or what energy therapists call vibrational frequencies.
Our behaviour, thoughts, feelings and body reactions are clues to us about our underlying programmes. They are like the mushrooms that show up above ground that indicate the main fungus underneath the soil. They are our pain, but also are our potential start of a way out of the pain. There is a saying by Werner Erhard: 'The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off'. Pain is our messenger, not our enemy. Now, isn't that a good way to look at it? We can never any more be a victim to it. We can 'let go' or calm ourselves when we feel it.
Going back to beginning to tackle the fear, we can do so much by intention to let go every time we feel it, and using a technique or practice to calm on a regular basis for the background 'fungus'.
Loads of quick calming techniques to try for free on my website. www.stressalternatives.co.uk.
All the Best
Liz
The outcome for her was fine, though for her clothes maybe not so good.
What was interesting was the reaction of other people in the group. My poor little daughter, who hadn't witnessed anything so horrific before, went white. She had gone into shock. Others probably did too.
Others were calm enough to assist with chairs, paper towels, wipes, etc on our orders. My mother (bless her) went into 'disaster' mode and decided she would need at least an X ray, if not emergency brain surgery!
I was grateful a 'proper' nurse was there, who calmed us all by knowing exactly what to do, and that it wasn't a serious injury.
Meanwhile, the victim of the fall was more concerned that we didn't get blood on our clothes than about herself.
It makes me think of a fear 'continuum' or 'slope'. At an extreme top end, my daughter was so shocked, she 'shut off', and people who faint at the sight of blood shut off even more. Further down that slope, there was my mum, panicking and throwing her fear around by voicing the worst in front of the patient. Then further down were a few others who did their bit to help, including myself. Then the calmest was the nurse who took control, knew exactly what to do, worked on the injury and kept us all calm.
With any situation, a similar fear 'slope' is felt within us. At the top end, we shut off, not feeling the feelinngs and we can't think straight. Further down, we might feel the fear more, but we see disaster round the corner, and throw that fear around. As we get calmer, we can think most objectively and function at our best.
Some may misunderstand and think that total calmness would cause us to do nothing, and 'not care', but I'd put that in the 'shut off' area.
I don't believe that we need a little bit of tension to function, as is often suggested by psychologists. When we're calm, we think straight. We can still have drive, enthusiasm, joy, and energy and be calm. In fact, it is essential for true optimum functioning. Tension gets in the way of enjoying all of the good things.
So, what if we are someone who faints at the sight of blood, or is phobic of heights, loses our temper before we can stop ourself, or gets panicky as soon as the spotlight hits us, or gets unexplained pain, emotional or physical? They all point to that underlying tension in what most people call our subconscious mind. There are 'programmes' or belief systems running underneath that feed the tension, or what energy therapists call vibrational frequencies.
Our behaviour, thoughts, feelings and body reactions are clues to us about our underlying programmes. They are like the mushrooms that show up above ground that indicate the main fungus underneath the soil. They are our pain, but also are our potential start of a way out of the pain. There is a saying by Werner Erhard: 'The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off'. Pain is our messenger, not our enemy. Now, isn't that a good way to look at it? We can never any more be a victim to it. We can 'let go' or calm ourselves when we feel it.
Going back to beginning to tackle the fear, we can do so much by intention to let go every time we feel it, and using a technique or practice to calm on a regular basis for the background 'fungus'.
Loads of quick calming techniques to try for free on my website. www.stressalternatives.co.uk.
All the Best
Liz
Saturday, 30 January 2010
Calming our Naughty Child Inside
Hi
Here's a different way to look at our stress.
What if we could see it as the stressed naughty child inside of us that clambers for our attention? Long ago this child was born inside us, often as a result of a difficult event in our little susceptible young minds.
We might have matured as adults, but some part of us is stuck in the past, creating that pattern of thoughts, emotional tension and behaviour. That part kind of got stuck and didn't mature alongside us, even though it is still part of us.
We do all sorts of things to avoid or deal with that stress our child inside displays to us. See my blog, How to increase your emotional pain and keep it alive. We give it plenty of negative attention in the form of ignoring it, fighting it, suppressing it etc., and, like the naughty child, it ends up ruling us, and stopping us really living life to the full.
Often it's a crisis such as illness, addiction, relationship conflict or depression that can make us stop and examine the stressed child. Sometimes, even these crises have to be experienced over and over, and medical treatment failing or a new relationship create the same old problems.
Actually, the stressed child is not the 'devil incarnate' tho we sometimes call them our 'inner demons'. That younger part of us made certain conclusions and decisions during that difficult time in our lives that helped us make sense of and cope with what was going on at the time. Things like 'I'm not as good as others' in response to a failure, or 'I'll never get over ....' or 'I'll have to make up for being bad' keep the child stuck in the past and keep the program running in our subconscious mind, and all we know is that we feel panic when we get critisised or anger when we are ignored or guilty when we have to say no.
In traditional therapy, we would try and identify when the stressed child was born and try to understand it. This is fine, but takes a long time and isn't easy to do on one's own, but, like when you talk to the stressed child, it stops stressing.
In energy therapies, we just aim to calm that stressed child as quick as possible. When a child keeps tugging at you looking for attention, any good attention will calm them and bring out the best in them. Bad attention will just keep it stressed.
Next time that immature part of us causes stressed feelings, instead of thinking, 'This should not be happening!', we could try imagining us and it working together arm in arm to help us. I suspect that as a result of that alone without any fancy therapy it would start to grow up quite quickly and stop stressing itself and us!
For all the quick calming measures though, see my website: www.stressalternatives.co.uk.
Happy 2010 from Liz!
Here's a different way to look at our stress.
What if we could see it as the stressed naughty child inside of us that clambers for our attention? Long ago this child was born inside us, often as a result of a difficult event in our little susceptible young minds.
We might have matured as adults, but some part of us is stuck in the past, creating that pattern of thoughts, emotional tension and behaviour. That part kind of got stuck and didn't mature alongside us, even though it is still part of us.
We do all sorts of things to avoid or deal with that stress our child inside displays to us. See my blog, How to increase your emotional pain and keep it alive. We give it plenty of negative attention in the form of ignoring it, fighting it, suppressing it etc., and, like the naughty child, it ends up ruling us, and stopping us really living life to the full.
Often it's a crisis such as illness, addiction, relationship conflict or depression that can make us stop and examine the stressed child. Sometimes, even these crises have to be experienced over and over, and medical treatment failing or a new relationship create the same old problems.
Actually, the stressed child is not the 'devil incarnate' tho we sometimes call them our 'inner demons'. That younger part of us made certain conclusions and decisions during that difficult time in our lives that helped us make sense of and cope with what was going on at the time. Things like 'I'm not as good as others' in response to a failure, or 'I'll never get over ....' or 'I'll have to make up for being bad' keep the child stuck in the past and keep the program running in our subconscious mind, and all we know is that we feel panic when we get critisised or anger when we are ignored or guilty when we have to say no.
In traditional therapy, we would try and identify when the stressed child was born and try to understand it. This is fine, but takes a long time and isn't easy to do on one's own, but, like when you talk to the stressed child, it stops stressing.
In energy therapies, we just aim to calm that stressed child as quick as possible. When a child keeps tugging at you looking for attention, any good attention will calm them and bring out the best in them. Bad attention will just keep it stressed.
Next time that immature part of us causes stressed feelings, instead of thinking, 'This should not be happening!', we could try imagining us and it working together arm in arm to help us. I suspect that as a result of that alone without any fancy therapy it would start to grow up quite quickly and stop stressing itself and us!
For all the quick calming measures though, see my website: www.stressalternatives.co.uk.
Happy 2010 from Liz!
Saturday, 17 October 2009
Gratitude and Giving
Hey
You know when you were young, your parents, teachers and grown ups would tell you what was right and wrong?
If you were lucky, they'd tell you it's good to give, it's good to say thank you and please, and to be kind to one another.
It's just as well we knew what was 'right' in our house, because with 3 girls (I was the oldest and the bully!), we were often fighting, being selfish and being downright cruel to each other. Our 'dark' side would regularly rear its merry head causing 'hell' in our otherwise happy home.
I didn't know how lucky I was to have this kind of guidance as I was growing up. Sometimes it felt like I was always bad, that guilt was my best friend...well, actually it was! It was not only my most frequent 'bad' feeling but it stopped me from being too selfish and uncaring.
Giving to others didn't come naturally to me, so when I gave, it exercised my 'giving' muscles bit by bit (though I still have a long way to go! having 3 kids has helped this too!) i.e. I get to open my heart which has a tendency to keep shutters up a lot. (Well I do come from the heart disease capital of the world!).
If we read any of the big religions or the 'new age' literature, giving, thanking or praising is big. In fact, its meant to be a frequent, daily practice.
We all need our heart muscles metaphorically exercised as well as physically. In fact, doesn't exercise cure depression? I know why. being grateful and giving also cures it if we make it a regular habit. It helps us focus on the positive, and the more we do it, the stronger it gets.
Of course, its hard to begin with and it can feel like we're a 'tall poppy' among the 'Victor Meldrews', but watch out for the good things just getting bigger and bigger!
Then, after a time we get to be grateful for the seemingly bad things that happen too (some cynics may call this delusion!), but its all life! We have a choice (Adam and Eve?) to choose gratitude and giving, or anger and victim mentality.
I'm still doing the latter far too much, but I keep exercising!
Thanks Mum!
Have a look at my gratitude script in my free ebook. Chapter 4.
www.stressalternatives.co.uk.
You know when you were young, your parents, teachers and grown ups would tell you what was right and wrong?
If you were lucky, they'd tell you it's good to give, it's good to say thank you and please, and to be kind to one another.
It's just as well we knew what was 'right' in our house, because with 3 girls (I was the oldest and the bully!), we were often fighting, being selfish and being downright cruel to each other. Our 'dark' side would regularly rear its merry head causing 'hell' in our otherwise happy home.
I didn't know how lucky I was to have this kind of guidance as I was growing up. Sometimes it felt like I was always bad, that guilt was my best friend...well, actually it was! It was not only my most frequent 'bad' feeling but it stopped me from being too selfish and uncaring.
Giving to others didn't come naturally to me, so when I gave, it exercised my 'giving' muscles bit by bit (though I still have a long way to go! having 3 kids has helped this too!) i.e. I get to open my heart which has a tendency to keep shutters up a lot. (Well I do come from the heart disease capital of the world!).
If we read any of the big religions or the 'new age' literature, giving, thanking or praising is big. In fact, its meant to be a frequent, daily practice.
We all need our heart muscles metaphorically exercised as well as physically. In fact, doesn't exercise cure depression? I know why. being grateful and giving also cures it if we make it a regular habit. It helps us focus on the positive, and the more we do it, the stronger it gets.
Of course, its hard to begin with and it can feel like we're a 'tall poppy' among the 'Victor Meldrews', but watch out for the good things just getting bigger and bigger!
Then, after a time we get to be grateful for the seemingly bad things that happen too (some cynics may call this delusion!), but its all life! We have a choice (Adam and Eve?) to choose gratitude and giving, or anger and victim mentality.
I'm still doing the latter far too much, but I keep exercising!
Thanks Mum!
Have a look at my gratitude script in my free ebook. Chapter 4.
www.stressalternatives.co.uk.
Wednesday, 14 October 2009
Mind Grooves
Hi
Sorry to go on about my dog again, but Taz has been giving us problems again! Or should I say 'challenges'? Or should I say, "He's been a little.....!" So much so that we were given the services of a brilliant dog behaviourist,Paul (www.K9ClickerTraining.co.uk) from our dog rescue centre. He reckons Taz does naughty stuff, not because of anxiety and the need to relieve tension, but because he's got a 'devilish' streak, and acts like that because he can! In other words, we have allowed the behaviour to develop.
Of course, to stop the behaviour now is going to cause initial tension because the habit has already been formed. So us humans have been given a set of instructions on how to allow him to feel the discomfort and calm him when we 'orchestrate' the trigger. (I love that expression 'orchestrate'!) After a few repetitions of calming, the bad behaviour stops and our doggy becomes a little angel!
Bad habits become ingrained just as easily in humans if they are repeated. We can calm ourselves when we realise we are going down the habitual route, unlike dogs who don't have an awareness of the trigger to behaviour route.
The trigger to behaviour route becomes a familiar groove in our mind the more often it is repeated.It also includes thoughts and feelings. In fact, the grooves we make in our minds feel like bobsleigh routes for some. Some patterns of behaviour we have been repeating over and over all our lives. For example, someone irritates us, and, before we know it, we're moaning, critisising or having a go at them. Someone moans at us, and, before we know it, we react by getting defensive and self-righteous. For someone who has built up self-consciousness about their appearance, the trigger can be as simple as passing a mirror, and the bobsleigh route of thoughts, feelings, panic symptoms and behaviour follow in micro-seconds.
Habitual thoughts are a result of those bobsleigh routes too. Some folk can hook on to suicidal ones. Some will think,'What's the point?' Some will think, 'I don't have enough.' Some will think, 'I am sick.'
Those thoughts are connected to painful feelings. It's all so sad!
Or what if we could make use of those painful feelings to remind us we're on the bobsleigh route?
So how do we stop ourselves going down the routes? After all, the routes are deep grooves!
If we can calm a dog, maybe we could calm ourselves! Maybe we could 'orchestrate' the trigger to behaviour/ thoughts/ feelings route a few times and deliberately calm ourselves in some way to replace that tension that the trigger activated? What if we deliberately thought about our lack of money, or our fearful or suicidal thoughts and intend to calm our resulting tension at that point?
There's loads of ways to change that tension to relaxation, from deliberate distraction to gratitude to energy therapies. Energy therapies make it so much quicker and less repetition and 'orchestration' will be necessary.
Look on my website: www.stressalternatives.co.uk. Look especially at my 'Intentional detachment practice' article.
Time for 'walkies'!
Sorry to go on about my dog again, but Taz has been giving us problems again! Or should I say 'challenges'? Or should I say, "He's been a little.....!" So much so that we were given the services of a brilliant dog behaviourist,Paul (www.K9ClickerTraining.co.uk) from our dog rescue centre. He reckons Taz does naughty stuff, not because of anxiety and the need to relieve tension, but because he's got a 'devilish' streak, and acts like that because he can! In other words, we have allowed the behaviour to develop.
Of course, to stop the behaviour now is going to cause initial tension because the habit has already been formed. So us humans have been given a set of instructions on how to allow him to feel the discomfort and calm him when we 'orchestrate' the trigger. (I love that expression 'orchestrate'!) After a few repetitions of calming, the bad behaviour stops and our doggy becomes a little angel!
Bad habits become ingrained just as easily in humans if they are repeated. We can calm ourselves when we realise we are going down the habitual route, unlike dogs who don't have an awareness of the trigger to behaviour route.
The trigger to behaviour route becomes a familiar groove in our mind the more often it is repeated.It also includes thoughts and feelings. In fact, the grooves we make in our minds feel like bobsleigh routes for some. Some patterns of behaviour we have been repeating over and over all our lives. For example, someone irritates us, and, before we know it, we're moaning, critisising or having a go at them. Someone moans at us, and, before we know it, we react by getting defensive and self-righteous. For someone who has built up self-consciousness about their appearance, the trigger can be as simple as passing a mirror, and the bobsleigh route of thoughts, feelings, panic symptoms and behaviour follow in micro-seconds.
Habitual thoughts are a result of those bobsleigh routes too. Some folk can hook on to suicidal ones. Some will think,'What's the point?' Some will think, 'I don't have enough.' Some will think, 'I am sick.'
Those thoughts are connected to painful feelings. It's all so sad!
Or what if we could make use of those painful feelings to remind us we're on the bobsleigh route?
So how do we stop ourselves going down the routes? After all, the routes are deep grooves!
If we can calm a dog, maybe we could calm ourselves! Maybe we could 'orchestrate' the trigger to behaviour/ thoughts/ feelings route a few times and deliberately calm ourselves in some way to replace that tension that the trigger activated? What if we deliberately thought about our lack of money, or our fearful or suicidal thoughts and intend to calm our resulting tension at that point?
There's loads of ways to change that tension to relaxation, from deliberate distraction to gratitude to energy therapies. Energy therapies make it so much quicker and less repetition and 'orchestration' will be necessary.
Look on my website: www.stressalternatives.co.uk. Look especially at my 'Intentional detachment practice' article.
Time for 'walkies'!
Sunday, 12 July 2009
Positive and Negative
Hey
I used to be such a negative person, and now I'm a little less so (maybe!). I used to marvel at these people who could always see the bright side of life, and always knew what they wanted and went all out to get it.
Having just been in Florida, I've seen what this attitude can really achieve, and why the American Dream at it's best is so amazing.
Us Brits on the whole have inherited much more of a moderate, cautious nature, and this recession is pushing all our buttons.
Once I realised how damaging being negative was in my life, it was tempting for me to beat myself up every time I noticed negative thoughts and stubbornly stay positive about everything.
'What's wrong with that?', I hear you say. 'Positive is best, isn't it?' Following your dream is best, isn't it? Look what Disney achieved! Think what mankind could achieve if we are all positive!
Trouble is when positivity becomes blind to potential pitfalls. When there is so much drive to achieve the dream that we get stupid at best, and uncaring and damage others at worst. When we borrow too much money and trust that we will be able to pay it back, and the banks give it to us, so it must be OK. When we convince ourselves it's fine to carry on eating junk and drinking to excess, or not planning for kids coming along, or old age, or sickness. Anyway, the government will provide, or Dad. Anyway, I'll live forever!
So, maybe it's not about changing negative to positive blindly. Isn't that what we do anyway? On one hand, keep everything under control, then have slurges and throw caution to the wind. All or nothing!
So, how do we keep balanced? How can we get what we want, or achieve our dreams without getting too blind to the pitfalls or despondant about getting there? The current new age wisdom says keep the goal in mind, but don't fret about it. If we want it too badly, we'll create such a tension that it will be such hard work, few will get there, unless we've got real stubborn drive and a lot of energy, and a strong constitution!
Some interpret the Law of Attraction to mean that all we need to do is keep the goal in mind and magically it will happen for us. Being negative after setting a goal will doom most to failure, but, equally, being blindly positive will not flag up potential problems that need to be overcome, and the dream then becomes an unachievable fantasy.
With all sorts of 'all or nothing' behaviour and thinking, there is no balance because there is tension. The more tension, the more extreme the 'all and nothing' is.
When we find ourselves doing all or nothing, we know we have tension. So let it go! Don't fret about the outcome! Be grateful for what we've got and build on that! Just relax on the spot. Do it with ZPoint, meditation, sports, diversion, EFT, slowing down our breathing, or sending thanks and love to the perpetrator, including ourselves. When we do this, we don't bury our head in the sand. We make some space in our mind for the problems to find solutions, rather than fuel the anxt.
Och, I've rambled on enough! Have a nice day:)
Check out my website www.stressalternatives.co.uk.
I used to be such a negative person, and now I'm a little less so (maybe!). I used to marvel at these people who could always see the bright side of life, and always knew what they wanted and went all out to get it.
Having just been in Florida, I've seen what this attitude can really achieve, and why the American Dream at it's best is so amazing.
Us Brits on the whole have inherited much more of a moderate, cautious nature, and this recession is pushing all our buttons.
Once I realised how damaging being negative was in my life, it was tempting for me to beat myself up every time I noticed negative thoughts and stubbornly stay positive about everything.
'What's wrong with that?', I hear you say. 'Positive is best, isn't it?' Following your dream is best, isn't it? Look what Disney achieved! Think what mankind could achieve if we are all positive!
Trouble is when positivity becomes blind to potential pitfalls. When there is so much drive to achieve the dream that we get stupid at best, and uncaring and damage others at worst. When we borrow too much money and trust that we will be able to pay it back, and the banks give it to us, so it must be OK. When we convince ourselves it's fine to carry on eating junk and drinking to excess, or not planning for kids coming along, or old age, or sickness. Anyway, the government will provide, or Dad. Anyway, I'll live forever!
So, maybe it's not about changing negative to positive blindly. Isn't that what we do anyway? On one hand, keep everything under control, then have slurges and throw caution to the wind. All or nothing!
So, how do we keep balanced? How can we get what we want, or achieve our dreams without getting too blind to the pitfalls or despondant about getting there? The current new age wisdom says keep the goal in mind, but don't fret about it. If we want it too badly, we'll create such a tension that it will be such hard work, few will get there, unless we've got real stubborn drive and a lot of energy, and a strong constitution!
Some interpret the Law of Attraction to mean that all we need to do is keep the goal in mind and magically it will happen for us. Being negative after setting a goal will doom most to failure, but, equally, being blindly positive will not flag up potential problems that need to be overcome, and the dream then becomes an unachievable fantasy.
With all sorts of 'all or nothing' behaviour and thinking, there is no balance because there is tension. The more tension, the more extreme the 'all and nothing' is.
When we find ourselves doing all or nothing, we know we have tension. So let it go! Don't fret about the outcome! Be grateful for what we've got and build on that! Just relax on the spot. Do it with ZPoint, meditation, sports, diversion, EFT, slowing down our breathing, or sending thanks and love to the perpetrator, including ourselves. When we do this, we don't bury our head in the sand. We make some space in our mind for the problems to find solutions, rather than fuel the anxt.
Och, I've rambled on enough! Have a nice day:)
Check out my website www.stressalternatives.co.uk.
Tuesday, 2 June 2009
Nature doesn't need a story!
Nature is amazing!
I was walking the dog in scrub woodland a few weeks ago, and there were several large patches of ground that had been burned by our local vandals because the previous plants had dried up and died.
A few days later, walking the same route , I was amazed to see the ground was being populated by hundreds of plants. In fact, it looked like the burning of the old had left a perfect clear habitat for the seedlings to grow with vigour.
Here in Scotland, I know this very thing goes on naturally (without the vandals!) in the heather covered hills, and the new takes over the old.
What if we could all do that whenever we got 'burned' by life events?
What if we didn't add our victim story or our anger and justification of it, or our worry about the burning happening again, or our labelling ourselves as less as a result of the burning?
What if we just let all that past story go and any sign of it in the form of the debris of negativity or tension, and just start from this moment in a vigourous growth spurt? We could still take the good seeds along with us, and the expectant rich soil that is fertilised by our wisdom collected up till then, and our hopes and dreams and plans and goals.
Then we could just wait and see what comes our way in our environment!
What if we don't need to add a story?
What if we just pick ourselves up and renew ourselves at every opportunity?
www.stressalternatives.co.uk
All the Best
Liz :>)
I was walking the dog in scrub woodland a few weeks ago, and there were several large patches of ground that had been burned by our local vandals because the previous plants had dried up and died.
A few days later, walking the same route , I was amazed to see the ground was being populated by hundreds of plants. In fact, it looked like the burning of the old had left a perfect clear habitat for the seedlings to grow with vigour.
Here in Scotland, I know this very thing goes on naturally (without the vandals!) in the heather covered hills, and the new takes over the old.
What if we could all do that whenever we got 'burned' by life events?
What if we didn't add our victim story or our anger and justification of it, or our worry about the burning happening again, or our labelling ourselves as less as a result of the burning?
What if we just let all that past story go and any sign of it in the form of the debris of negativity or tension, and just start from this moment in a vigourous growth spurt? We could still take the good seeds along with us, and the expectant rich soil that is fertilised by our wisdom collected up till then, and our hopes and dreams and plans and goals.
Then we could just wait and see what comes our way in our environment!
What if we don't need to add a story?
What if we just pick ourselves up and renew ourselves at every opportunity?
www.stressalternatives.co.uk
All the Best
Liz :>)
Monday, 20 April 2009
How to Increase Your Emotional Pain and Keep it Alive!
The subject matter in this blog comes thanks to a fantastic mental health project in Edinburgh called Redhall Walled Garden, who asked me to give a talk. Thanks to the trainees for putting up with my awful acting, and for staying to the end! BTW they didn't ask me to increase their emotional pain as the title suggests!
Inavertantly, we do an amazing amount of things to keep our emotional pain alive. It's not our fault, like some people (including ourselves) may think. Most of us don't really have a deliberate self-destructive masochistic side to us! We just don't realise what we're doing. It's like when we have to deal with a naughty child that keeps bugging us wanting attention.
Here's some of the things we do in response to sadness, fear, anger, excessive guilt and embarrassment. The same can be applied to the naughty child!
1) Dreading it: We say things like, 'This should not be happening!'
2) Fighting it: Seems like a good idea, but it will be back! Negative attention is better than no attention. Ask a naughty child!
3) Feeling guilty about it: Using it as an excuse to beat ourselves up. Naughty children can spot this to get what they want a mile away!
4) Hiding it: Pretending that we're 'normal' by not having the pain. Actually, it's more normal to have pain.
5) Being proud of it: We relate to others who have similar pain. We get what we want by expressing it. We all need an identity. If only we could identify more with the positives in our lives.
6) Being scared of it: This one is curious! We're scared of being scared.....the double whammy! But, like the naughty child, we have to be in control of it or it takes control. We have to calm ourselves when the pain turns up to be able to deal with it.
7) Suppressing it: Shoving it away when it appears only makes it come back, or lurk about, generally making us uncomfortable.
8) Playing with it: This one gives us a buzz. It's like the fairground ride or the adventure game. That excitement we feel when we are angry or fearful.
9) Analysing it: Our pains become a subject of great fascination for not only ourselves, but for friends and particularly for our psychiatrists and therapists (me too!). Of course, the idea in analysing it is that we can understand and cope with them, but, like the naughty child, we reward the negative behaviour instead of the positive.
10) Being a victim to it: Getting depressed about it and letting it 'get' to us means that it has total control.
11) Tormenting yourself with it: This happens when it goes quiet. We can't believe that it's not there, so we poke it a bit and wake it up. We don't exactly miss it, but we're a bit lost and confused without it. Then we complain when it comes back!
12) Feeling we need it: The absolute delusion! We cling to it because we think we'll do reckless things without fear. Actually, it's the fear that makes us do the reckless things. Fight/flight reaction drains away blood from our rational mind, so we can't think clearly. 'Counting to ten' before we act isn't such a bad idea.
All of these responses only feed that pain. The problemitself isn't often the real problem. Sure, sadness, anger, fear, embarrassment and excess guilt are not nice, but we make them last longer and they become more persistant because of our response to them. The naughty child loves all that!
So, what calms the naughty child? Acknowledgement they exist, reassurance, love and clear, calm messages about what is acceptable and unacceptable behaviour.
Could we do the same to ourselves when we experience emotional pain? Acknowledge it, reassure ourselves it won't last, stop beating ourselves up for having it and give it a clear message that it's time to let go instead of letting it get to us.
Look at my website for my free ebook and articles that will help. www.stressalternatives.co.uk.
Liz Temple
Inavertantly, we do an amazing amount of things to keep our emotional pain alive. It's not our fault, like some people (including ourselves) may think. Most of us don't really have a deliberate self-destructive masochistic side to us! We just don't realise what we're doing. It's like when we have to deal with a naughty child that keeps bugging us wanting attention.
Here's some of the things we do in response to sadness, fear, anger, excessive guilt and embarrassment. The same can be applied to the naughty child!
1) Dreading it: We say things like, 'This should not be happening!'
2) Fighting it: Seems like a good idea, but it will be back! Negative attention is better than no attention. Ask a naughty child!
3) Feeling guilty about it: Using it as an excuse to beat ourselves up. Naughty children can spot this to get what they want a mile away!
4) Hiding it: Pretending that we're 'normal' by not having the pain. Actually, it's more normal to have pain.
5) Being proud of it: We relate to others who have similar pain. We get what we want by expressing it. We all need an identity. If only we could identify more with the positives in our lives.
6) Being scared of it: This one is curious! We're scared of being scared.....the double whammy! But, like the naughty child, we have to be in control of it or it takes control. We have to calm ourselves when the pain turns up to be able to deal with it.
7) Suppressing it: Shoving it away when it appears only makes it come back, or lurk about, generally making us uncomfortable.
8) Playing with it: This one gives us a buzz. It's like the fairground ride or the adventure game. That excitement we feel when we are angry or fearful.
9) Analysing it: Our pains become a subject of great fascination for not only ourselves, but for friends and particularly for our psychiatrists and therapists (me too!). Of course, the idea in analysing it is that we can understand and cope with them, but, like the naughty child, we reward the negative behaviour instead of the positive.
10) Being a victim to it: Getting depressed about it and letting it 'get' to us means that it has total control.
11) Tormenting yourself with it: This happens when it goes quiet. We can't believe that it's not there, so we poke it a bit and wake it up. We don't exactly miss it, but we're a bit lost and confused without it. Then we complain when it comes back!
12) Feeling we need it: The absolute delusion! We cling to it because we think we'll do reckless things without fear. Actually, it's the fear that makes us do the reckless things. Fight/flight reaction drains away blood from our rational mind, so we can't think clearly. 'Counting to ten' before we act isn't such a bad idea.
All of these responses only feed that pain. The problemitself isn't often the real problem. Sure, sadness, anger, fear, embarrassment and excess guilt are not nice, but we make them last longer and they become more persistant because of our response to them. The naughty child loves all that!
So, what calms the naughty child? Acknowledgement they exist, reassurance, love and clear, calm messages about what is acceptable and unacceptable behaviour.
Could we do the same to ourselves when we experience emotional pain? Acknowledge it, reassure ourselves it won't last, stop beating ourselves up for having it and give it a clear message that it's time to let go instead of letting it get to us.
Look at my website for my free ebook and articles that will help. www.stressalternatives.co.uk.
Liz Temple
Yes to Life ZPoint Course
Hi
It's not often I shamelessly promote someone else's products, but this one has really shifted so much stuff for me personally. Inprevious blogs I've done, I have often recommended ZPoint Process. It's an amazing self help energy therapy that is so easy to learn and carry around with us and use whenever we feel distressed. It works as quickly as EFT (emotional freedom technique) and other similar modalities, but can be much more subtlely used when we are out in public, and doesn't give us the same self consciousness that some of us British folk suffer from so much!
In fact, it can be used for that very thing!! See my website www.stressalternatives.co.uk.
The beauty of this therapy is that it not only can be used for 'on the spot' distress, but can be used in the background for specific problems that repeat often in our lives, such as anger, depression and fear. The idea is to tune into the distressed feeling, like EFT does, and then to make an intention to 'clear' it. We 'tune in' by thinking about something or someone that brings up a feeling. That's how we bring the past and future into the present. Any tension that is brought up by this is then 'cleared' by intention and repeating a 'cue word' to ourselves.
Grant Connolly, the creator of this process has taken this further to address even deeper issues that all of us experience. His 21 days course covers aspects such as ourselves, our feeling of deserving, relationships, money worries, allowing 'what is', the need to be perfect, doubts and discomfort with change. His new protocol, recently devised, has been utilised in his new 'Yes to Life' course. It seems to go deeper than anything I personally have experienced in ZPoint, which is saying something because I've done some amazing alternative therapies. It covers our early years, worries, trust and self esteem. Since doing this, I feel the usual things that push my distress buttons have little or no effect. Any that do, I can easily deal with quickly.
Have a look on www.zpointforpeace.com.
It's not often I shamelessly promote someone else's products, but this one has really shifted so much stuff for me personally. Inprevious blogs I've done, I have often recommended ZPoint Process. It's an amazing self help energy therapy that is so easy to learn and carry around with us and use whenever we feel distressed. It works as quickly as EFT (emotional freedom technique) and other similar modalities, but can be much more subtlely used when we are out in public, and doesn't give us the same self consciousness that some of us British folk suffer from so much!
In fact, it can be used for that very thing!! See my website www.stressalternatives.co.uk.
The beauty of this therapy is that it not only can be used for 'on the spot' distress, but can be used in the background for specific problems that repeat often in our lives, such as anger, depression and fear. The idea is to tune into the distressed feeling, like EFT does, and then to make an intention to 'clear' it. We 'tune in' by thinking about something or someone that brings up a feeling. That's how we bring the past and future into the present. Any tension that is brought up by this is then 'cleared' by intention and repeating a 'cue word' to ourselves.
Grant Connolly, the creator of this process has taken this further to address even deeper issues that all of us experience. His 21 days course covers aspects such as ourselves, our feeling of deserving, relationships, money worries, allowing 'what is', the need to be perfect, doubts and discomfort with change. His new protocol, recently devised, has been utilised in his new 'Yes to Life' course. It seems to go deeper than anything I personally have experienced in ZPoint, which is saying something because I've done some amazing alternative therapies. It covers our early years, worries, trust and self esteem. Since doing this, I feel the usual things that push my distress buttons have little or no effect. Any that do, I can easily deal with quickly.
Have a look on www.zpointforpeace.com.
Friday, 27 February 2009
Natural Instincts
I've talked about my doggy before and his natural instincts. Well here's more discussion of doggy behaviour.
The other day I had to put a stop to his barking at the men digging the road outside our garden. He likes to think he's a super scary guard dog, and, I guess it goes with the breed that he naturally wants to bark at every man that comes anywhere near his territory. He also does the same to the vaccuum cleaner and hairdryer! Both very dangerous things for dogs!
When he gets started down the barking route, I can see him getting quite excited and having an adrenalin rush from it (testosterone!) Some would say it is natural for a dog to do this, and a wild dog would use this for survival.
However, our hairy mutt lives in a nice quiet cul-de-sac in a wee village and is spoiled stupid! That natural instinct to growl and bark at all that feels threatening must not be encouraged to become a habit, no matter how great it feels to our 4 legged pup!
It might help him to release tension and get a buzz from it but it is not acceptable to scare the life out of any unfortunate male who dares to walk along our lane, anyone who rides a bike, or the poor postman who stuffs letters through the letterbox into his sacred space, not to mention the poor vax that clean up his hairs!
This behaviour has to be stopped before it becomes too much of a habit and we are labelled the neighbours from hell. (I think it's too late for the postman!)
So I just bark back at him to get his attention, then calm him down in an assertive way, as Ceaser says in 'The Dog Whisperer'.
We humans aren't much different. We get into habitual ways of thinking, feeling and behaving, often from an early age, and if the habit isn't stopped early on, it becomes like a well travelled route in our psyche. We literally make deep grooves in our brain and it feels like there's no other route we can go down when something triggers our fear reactions.
But it isn't appropriate or fair that we 'bark' at or hide away from the world, most of which isn't out to get us (unless we do too much barking!). Hiding away doesn't serve us too well either, as we end up leading half a life and get depressed because we don't fulfil our potential, and our fearful thoughts get bigger as our world gets smaller.
So, like training our hairy pup with calm assertiveness, we have to work on calming ourselves as soon as we recognise we're off down that well travelled route again. It takes a bit of discipline to keep stopping ourselves on that route and choosing another, which is literally uncharted territory for us. But we're human, and this awareness is what makes us different from animals.
It's amazing what can happen to make it easier as soon as we make the sincere decision to do it, and stick to it. Often it takes a crisis in our lives, like a relationship breakup threat or an illness to force us into looking at ourselves and our 'routes'. Once a decision to make changes is made often people, books, media items and ideas that help will start to resonate with us.
My website will help get you started, or do you want to carry on 'barking' and living a fearful life?
www.stressalternatives.co.uk.
All the Best
Liz
The other day I had to put a stop to his barking at the men digging the road outside our garden. He likes to think he's a super scary guard dog, and, I guess it goes with the breed that he naturally wants to bark at every man that comes anywhere near his territory. He also does the same to the vaccuum cleaner and hairdryer! Both very dangerous things for dogs!
When he gets started down the barking route, I can see him getting quite excited and having an adrenalin rush from it (testosterone!) Some would say it is natural for a dog to do this, and a wild dog would use this for survival.
However, our hairy mutt lives in a nice quiet cul-de-sac in a wee village and is spoiled stupid! That natural instinct to growl and bark at all that feels threatening must not be encouraged to become a habit, no matter how great it feels to our 4 legged pup!
It might help him to release tension and get a buzz from it but it is not acceptable to scare the life out of any unfortunate male who dares to walk along our lane, anyone who rides a bike, or the poor postman who stuffs letters through the letterbox into his sacred space, not to mention the poor vax that clean up his hairs!
This behaviour has to be stopped before it becomes too much of a habit and we are labelled the neighbours from hell. (I think it's too late for the postman!)
So I just bark back at him to get his attention, then calm him down in an assertive way, as Ceaser says in 'The Dog Whisperer'.
We humans aren't much different. We get into habitual ways of thinking, feeling and behaving, often from an early age, and if the habit isn't stopped early on, it becomes like a well travelled route in our psyche. We literally make deep grooves in our brain and it feels like there's no other route we can go down when something triggers our fear reactions.
But it isn't appropriate or fair that we 'bark' at or hide away from the world, most of which isn't out to get us (unless we do too much barking!). Hiding away doesn't serve us too well either, as we end up leading half a life and get depressed because we don't fulfil our potential, and our fearful thoughts get bigger as our world gets smaller.
So, like training our hairy pup with calm assertiveness, we have to work on calming ourselves as soon as we recognise we're off down that well travelled route again. It takes a bit of discipline to keep stopping ourselves on that route and choosing another, which is literally uncharted territory for us. But we're human, and this awareness is what makes us different from animals.
It's amazing what can happen to make it easier as soon as we make the sincere decision to do it, and stick to it. Often it takes a crisis in our lives, like a relationship breakup threat or an illness to force us into looking at ourselves and our 'routes'. Once a decision to make changes is made often people, books, media items and ideas that help will start to resonate with us.
My website will help get you started, or do you want to carry on 'barking' and living a fearful life?
www.stressalternatives.co.uk.
All the Best
Liz
Saturday, 18 October 2008
Prevaricating about the Bush!
Hey
It's been some time and I'm still plagued by thinking too much so here's some thoughts:
We don't half beat about the bush and create unnecessary suffering for ourselves!
I had someone come for help the other day (and many others like her in the past) who sincerely wanted to get better, so, after listening to her story, I started to suggest ways to quickly reduce her suffering.
'Yes, but', she said, 'What I really want is to find out why I keep feeling the way I do. I feel I won't get better till I know this.'
Now, psychotherapists and counsellers do this, and sometimes it even helps people to understand why they overeat, or self-harm in other ways, or get bad tempered or whatever. They get 'eureka' moments where it all makes sense why they feel guilty when a news item showing cruelty to animals comes on the telly, or why they become enraged by someone moving their carefully lined up tins of beans out of line. They cook up a theory with their therapist that sounds very plausable and intelligent, and they believe it because their therapist is the expert.
It's all very nice to get an explanation that satisfies our curious nature, and gives us a sense of knowing ourself a bit better, but, in the end, to stop the repeated patterns of behavior, we still have to let go and move on. Belief changing is one way to do this, which we can do with our therapist, or we can do in our daily lives.
For example, if we believe we are stupid, we find ourselves failing repeatedly at things academic, and we spend a lot of our time thinking self-deprecating thoughts. This belief creates a block to success. It might have come originally from an innocent comment from a parent or teacher. If we make a decision to let go of this belief, we can find ourselves succeeding in things we wouldn't have dreamt of succeeding in before, because we no longer get in a state when we are asked to use our brains or logic. We can think straighter!
But what if we just let go of the need to know why we feel bad, and just got on with dealing with it? What if, whenever we feel bad, we just use a technique like Z Point (www.zpointprocess.com) or letting go in other ways described on my web site www.stressalternatives.co.uk? Quite often, we get insights into the 'whys' when we use these techniques anyway.
Another thing we very commonly do that stops us dealing with it ourselves is blame others. We often will say that we can't feel better till that other person or the rest of our world acts in a certain way. We can't be happy till everyone lines up their tins of beans with the labels at the front or till our loved one stops being angry.
We don't need to know how a car works to get into it and drive it, so why do we insist on understanding how our minds work? It's just wasting time and creating unnecessary suffering.
Ultimately, we can ask ourselves, 'Do we want to know why, or do we want to feel better now?', or 'Do we want to change the world or start with ourselves?'
Honestly, it's that simple!
Love Liz
It's been some time and I'm still plagued by thinking too much so here's some thoughts:
We don't half beat about the bush and create unnecessary suffering for ourselves!
I had someone come for help the other day (and many others like her in the past) who sincerely wanted to get better, so, after listening to her story, I started to suggest ways to quickly reduce her suffering.
'Yes, but', she said, 'What I really want is to find out why I keep feeling the way I do. I feel I won't get better till I know this.'
Now, psychotherapists and counsellers do this, and sometimes it even helps people to understand why they overeat, or self-harm in other ways, or get bad tempered or whatever. They get 'eureka' moments where it all makes sense why they feel guilty when a news item showing cruelty to animals comes on the telly, or why they become enraged by someone moving their carefully lined up tins of beans out of line. They cook up a theory with their therapist that sounds very plausable and intelligent, and they believe it because their therapist is the expert.
It's all very nice to get an explanation that satisfies our curious nature, and gives us a sense of knowing ourself a bit better, but, in the end, to stop the repeated patterns of behavior, we still have to let go and move on. Belief changing is one way to do this, which we can do with our therapist, or we can do in our daily lives.
For example, if we believe we are stupid, we find ourselves failing repeatedly at things academic, and we spend a lot of our time thinking self-deprecating thoughts. This belief creates a block to success. It might have come originally from an innocent comment from a parent or teacher. If we make a decision to let go of this belief, we can find ourselves succeeding in things we wouldn't have dreamt of succeeding in before, because we no longer get in a state when we are asked to use our brains or logic. We can think straighter!
But what if we just let go of the need to know why we feel bad, and just got on with dealing with it? What if, whenever we feel bad, we just use a technique like Z Point (www.zpointprocess.com) or letting go in other ways described on my web site www.stressalternatives.co.uk? Quite often, we get insights into the 'whys' when we use these techniques anyway.
Another thing we very commonly do that stops us dealing with it ourselves is blame others. We often will say that we can't feel better till that other person or the rest of our world acts in a certain way. We can't be happy till everyone lines up their tins of beans with the labels at the front or till our loved one stops being angry.
We don't need to know how a car works to get into it and drive it, so why do we insist on understanding how our minds work? It's just wasting time and creating unnecessary suffering.
Ultimately, we can ask ourselves, 'Do we want to know why, or do we want to feel better now?', or 'Do we want to change the world or start with ourselves?'
Honestly, it's that simple!
Love Liz
Friday, 18 April 2008
Avoidance Behaviour
Hi
Today I decided to avoid a route I normally take during my work hours, where I do a lot of driving. The reason was because of those terrible speed bumps they recently put down on so many roads around the part of Edinburgh I work in. It bugs me that I have to slow down on those roads and get my car suspension assaulted every time I go down these roads.
The trouble is , they seem to be unavoidable at present, and if you don't have a tractor, a giant petrol guzzling 4 wheel drive, or a 2cv (made for driving over ploughed fields!) , you really can't avoid eventual damage or extra wear on your car. I suppose I could leave my car at home and never go out in it, thus restricting my lifestyle.
In life we can do the same. Some of us avoid anything too difficult because of the emotional discomfort it brings. If we stick to our safe routines we will lead a restricted life, and never experience the joy of succeeding at something we find challenging. We will also find ourselves getting depressed. Then when something changes in our life, and eventually it will, no matter how much we lead a sheltered life, we are devastated because we haven't learned any coping skills.
Another way we avoid the pain is to try and regulate our environment, by trying to control what others do, either by bullying or manipulation, or by getting addicted to food, alcohol, work, people, spending, activity, attention, or all of these! In this scenario, we have learned coping mechanisms, but they don't give us any lasting peace or real power because they rely on the world outside of ourselves. When we eventually come up against something we can't change, or do something external about, we also are devastated.
This is when we just have to accept that pain is a part of life. This is not to say that we can't do anything once we have recognised the pain and felt it. What we do, though, is remove it internally by making an intention to let it go and accept what is. It's not giving in. It's being pragmatic. I like that!
In reality, life allows us to do both avoiding and letting go. The more full our life, the more opportunities we have to eventually learn we can't control everything on the 'outside', and we let go without realising that's what we are doing. This makes us more resilient.
This is different from suppressing our emotions. We don't let go and we don't accept what is in this case. We just don't express them, and bottle them up, till the next time a similar situation comes along. I had the opportunity of doing this with the speed bumps today, when I came across more on the road I did go along. I could have got frustrated that I couldn't avoid them in the end, but I decided to have a smile to myself, and accept they are there to stay.
But once we know consciously that we can do this in every situation that we feel tension and subsequent emotion, we can tune into that emotion, and change it to a state of relaxation intentionally. To make it easier, we can use an energy therapy such as Z point process or emotional freedom technique. Both have great web sites to learn the process for self help use.
Some emotions and tension are so habitual that they are bound to come back later, but, like any new skill, eventually they will leave us if we persist in letting go.
The first thing is to start looking for pain as our opportunity instead of something to be avoided. Then it isn't such a bad thing after all!
Liz
www.stressalternatives.co.uk
Today I decided to avoid a route I normally take during my work hours, where I do a lot of driving. The reason was because of those terrible speed bumps they recently put down on so many roads around the part of Edinburgh I work in. It bugs me that I have to slow down on those roads and get my car suspension assaulted every time I go down these roads.
The trouble is , they seem to be unavoidable at present, and if you don't have a tractor, a giant petrol guzzling 4 wheel drive, or a 2cv (made for driving over ploughed fields!) , you really can't avoid eventual damage or extra wear on your car. I suppose I could leave my car at home and never go out in it, thus restricting my lifestyle.
In life we can do the same. Some of us avoid anything too difficult because of the emotional discomfort it brings. If we stick to our safe routines we will lead a restricted life, and never experience the joy of succeeding at something we find challenging. We will also find ourselves getting depressed. Then when something changes in our life, and eventually it will, no matter how much we lead a sheltered life, we are devastated because we haven't learned any coping skills.
Another way we avoid the pain is to try and regulate our environment, by trying to control what others do, either by bullying or manipulation, or by getting addicted to food, alcohol, work, people, spending, activity, attention, or all of these! In this scenario, we have learned coping mechanisms, but they don't give us any lasting peace or real power because they rely on the world outside of ourselves. When we eventually come up against something we can't change, or do something external about, we also are devastated.
This is when we just have to accept that pain is a part of life. This is not to say that we can't do anything once we have recognised the pain and felt it. What we do, though, is remove it internally by making an intention to let it go and accept what is. It's not giving in. It's being pragmatic. I like that!
In reality, life allows us to do both avoiding and letting go. The more full our life, the more opportunities we have to eventually learn we can't control everything on the 'outside', and we let go without realising that's what we are doing. This makes us more resilient.
This is different from suppressing our emotions. We don't let go and we don't accept what is in this case. We just don't express them, and bottle them up, till the next time a similar situation comes along. I had the opportunity of doing this with the speed bumps today, when I came across more on the road I did go along. I could have got frustrated that I couldn't avoid them in the end, but I decided to have a smile to myself, and accept they are there to stay.
But once we know consciously that we can do this in every situation that we feel tension and subsequent emotion, we can tune into that emotion, and change it to a state of relaxation intentionally. To make it easier, we can use an energy therapy such as Z point process or emotional freedom technique. Both have great web sites to learn the process for self help use.
Some emotions and tension are so habitual that they are bound to come back later, but, like any new skill, eventually they will leave us if we persist in letting go.
The first thing is to start looking for pain as our opportunity instead of something to be avoided. Then it isn't such a bad thing after all!
Liz
www.stressalternatives.co.uk
Friday, 21 March 2008
Housework
Happy Easter!
I know I keep harping on about how much I dislike housework, but here's another blog about it.
Today, being Good Friday, I was having a lazy time at home this morning, surrounded by an unvacuumed floor, overflowing bins, dirty toilet etc etc. With everyone else who lives with me just as unwilling to clean the house (as within, so without!), I felt justified in sitting on my favourite (dirty) chair and reading Eckhart Tolle's latest book without guilt. (By the way, it's fantastic- and look at Oprah Winfrey's site to see him being interviewed about it).
Then a new turn of events took place. I received a phone call from my sister saying she might come round. Suddenly I sprung into action and ran around with the vaccuum cleaner and cleaning cloth with the purpose and efficiency of an old pro. (ie cleaning the bits of the house that would be seen by visitors!)
Now ordinarily I would have procrastinated and sat around a bit more, took the dog out, made some pancakes, went on the computer, watched that fascinating children's TV programme, but my sister has a lovely clean house that anyone can visit at a moment's notice, and frankly (hard to admit!) I worried about what she thought of me, and suddenly the energy to clean came from this!
It occured to me, how can we let go of the need for approval of others if it serves such a useful purpose? My house is cleaner as a result of this. In general, our behaviour is better as a result of holding on to this need. Having this in too much quantity though can result in obsessiveness about appearance, to the extent of getting a doctor to cut bits out of you, or add bits in! Or needing approval of your mates on a Saturday night can result in antisocial behaviour in our town centres. We act like sheep with our 'herd mentality' because of this need for approval. We join together with other like minded people, and anyone who acts differently is rejected and labelled and picked on. Originality of thought and individuality is discouraged. Those that do succeed in being different are those who know they are right, whether they are or not! If I had enough self-confidence to not mind what my sister thought, I wouldn't feel guilty about having a rest day, and my sister would respect me more because I respected myself more.
Have you ever been into a house where the person you visit goes so far as to voice their embarrassment about the state of the place? I do it all the time! I have to! (It's very Scottish!) Basically we are saying, 'I am less because I'm a bad housewife', whereas, if I paid full attention to my visitor instead of my housework neurosis. I would get more respect (unless the visitor has a huge housework and 'keeping up appearances' complex too!) My sister would come into the house and we could have a good chat and she wouldn't mind the mess because I wouldn't mind!
The Sedona Method (http://www.sedona.com/) teaches us to let go of wanting approval, because it's one of the three basic 'wants' behind our emotional pain. Anything 'wanting' means we never really get it until we let go of the 'wanting'. This is also what the Law of Attraction says. Don't pay attention to our 'wants' or they get bigger. We can still make plans to get what we want and act on these plans, but the plan will be the best plan if we don't need to get the thing so much ('needing' meaning wanting too much) .
If you go for a job interview 'needing' to get the job, your fear will show and your attention will be on the fear rather than the moments of the interview, ie you won't fully be present since half of you will be quivering in your designer boots! By the way, you wont go the opposite way by being calm, ie you wont turn up at the interview in your dirty jeans, not having prepared the information needed about the job or company. If you intend seriously to get the job, you will do the work needed and dress appropriately.Turning up unprepared in dirty jeans means you sabotage yourself too because of a different neurosis.
Anyway, back to my story about the housework, should I give up the need for approval when I have such a lazy attitude to housework? Maybe I should sort that one out first. It's too confusing! Probably I should just keep sorting out whatever comes up till I get some peace, but then I shouldn't 'want' the peace too much or I'll not get it!
Look at my website to find out my favourite ways. http://www.stressalternatives.co.uk/.
Liz
I know I keep harping on about how much I dislike housework, but here's another blog about it.
Today, being Good Friday, I was having a lazy time at home this morning, surrounded by an unvacuumed floor, overflowing bins, dirty toilet etc etc. With everyone else who lives with me just as unwilling to clean the house (as within, so without!), I felt justified in sitting on my favourite (dirty) chair and reading Eckhart Tolle's latest book without guilt. (By the way, it's fantastic- and look at Oprah Winfrey's site to see him being interviewed about it).
Then a new turn of events took place. I received a phone call from my sister saying she might come round. Suddenly I sprung into action and ran around with the vaccuum cleaner and cleaning cloth with the purpose and efficiency of an old pro. (ie cleaning the bits of the house that would be seen by visitors!)
Now ordinarily I would have procrastinated and sat around a bit more, took the dog out, made some pancakes, went on the computer, watched that fascinating children's TV programme, but my sister has a lovely clean house that anyone can visit at a moment's notice, and frankly (hard to admit!) I worried about what she thought of me, and suddenly the energy to clean came from this!
It occured to me, how can we let go of the need for approval of others if it serves such a useful purpose? My house is cleaner as a result of this. In general, our behaviour is better as a result of holding on to this need. Having this in too much quantity though can result in obsessiveness about appearance, to the extent of getting a doctor to cut bits out of you, or add bits in! Or needing approval of your mates on a Saturday night can result in antisocial behaviour in our town centres. We act like sheep with our 'herd mentality' because of this need for approval. We join together with other like minded people, and anyone who acts differently is rejected and labelled and picked on. Originality of thought and individuality is discouraged. Those that do succeed in being different are those who know they are right, whether they are or not! If I had enough self-confidence to not mind what my sister thought, I wouldn't feel guilty about having a rest day, and my sister would respect me more because I respected myself more.
Have you ever been into a house where the person you visit goes so far as to voice their embarrassment about the state of the place? I do it all the time! I have to! (It's very Scottish!) Basically we are saying, 'I am less because I'm a bad housewife', whereas, if I paid full attention to my visitor instead of my housework neurosis. I would get more respect (unless the visitor has a huge housework and 'keeping up appearances' complex too!) My sister would come into the house and we could have a good chat and she wouldn't mind the mess because I wouldn't mind!
The Sedona Method (http://www.sedona.com/) teaches us to let go of wanting approval, because it's one of the three basic 'wants' behind our emotional pain. Anything 'wanting' means we never really get it until we let go of the 'wanting'. This is also what the Law of Attraction says. Don't pay attention to our 'wants' or they get bigger. We can still make plans to get what we want and act on these plans, but the plan will be the best plan if we don't need to get the thing so much ('needing' meaning wanting too much) .
If you go for a job interview 'needing' to get the job, your fear will show and your attention will be on the fear rather than the moments of the interview, ie you won't fully be present since half of you will be quivering in your designer boots! By the way, you wont go the opposite way by being calm, ie you wont turn up at the interview in your dirty jeans, not having prepared the information needed about the job or company. If you intend seriously to get the job, you will do the work needed and dress appropriately.Turning up unprepared in dirty jeans means you sabotage yourself too because of a different neurosis.
Anyway, back to my story about the housework, should I give up the need for approval when I have such a lazy attitude to housework? Maybe I should sort that one out first. It's too confusing! Probably I should just keep sorting out whatever comes up till I get some peace, but then I shouldn't 'want' the peace too much or I'll not get it!
Look at my website to find out my favourite ways. http://www.stressalternatives.co.uk/.
Liz
Monday, 17 March 2008
Sabotage 2
Hi Reader
Thought I'd make a list of common sabotaging beliefs that possibly could be stopping us all making progress in whatever we decide to do for improvement for ourselves, as a follow on from the last blog.
I'm ploughing my way through them myself to test them out, and invite you to do the same. The idea is, as I've said in the last blog, is to take the 'brakes' off and let whatever we do or intend have a smoother path.
Here are the beliefs and prior decisions:
- This is just the way I am/ I will always be this way;
- I must always be careful / cautious;
- I can't cope with life;
- It’s too much effort to do things differently;
- I am too sick to change;
- I am too tired/ I don’t have the stamina;
- I am too damaged/ I’ve been through too much;
- I don’t need to change. I just want to feel better;
- I will end up with more responsibility/ People will want me to do more/ I won’t be able to live up to people’s expectations;
- I don’t deserve to feel better/ I’m not good enough/ I deserve to suffer;
- It will change me and I will lose friends/ I will not be accepted;
- I’m not clever/ interesting/ creative/ good enough;
- Once I’ve made my mind up, I don’t compromise;
- I only want perfection/ I have to do things right;
- I can’t let go or I’ll make the same mistake again;
- I can’t let go or I’ll feel something worse;
- If I change I won’t feel safe/ Change is too scary;
- Life was meant to be hard;
- Nothing ever works/ I’ve tried everything/ I’m fooling myself;
- I am only a woman/ child/ uneducated/ an ordinary person;
- I don’t have time to change habits/ I’ll get round to it later;
- There’s no easy way/ The mind is too complex and should be left to the experts;
- My brain chemistry is defective;
- You can’t change your inheritance/ My parents were the same;
- It’s all so hopeless;
- Life is pointless;
- Others need to change before I can be happy;
- I need to be slimmer/ better looking/ get my degree/ be married to … and have children/ have a lot of money before I can be happy;
- I need an escape;
- I will always be a worrier/ loser/ struggle/ a failure;
- I want to die/ destroy myself;
- I need lots of support/ I can’t do it on my own;
- I don’t care/ I’m already in trouble and I’ve nothing to lose;
- I’ll live fast and die young;
- I know myself best/ no-one can tell me what to do any more/ what do they know?/ I’ve heard it all before;
- I will never get over this/ forgive them for what they have done;
- I trust no-one/ People are always trying to get one over on me;
- I don’t trust women/ men/ authority figures/ doctors/ new age theories/ religion……..;
- I’m only fooling myself that things can get better/ I will never be cured;
- I have no power over my life;
- I never get what I want;
- I’m too old to change now;
- My problems take years to get over.
Some of these will jump out at you as obviously relating to you and others not so much. My suggestion is to start work on the obvious ones first, and any that you come up with yourself, and try the following:
Start by taking each belief and asking, ‘What if this was not true?’ That puts some doubt into your mind. Then make an intention to let it go, because it is causing you pain.
Do this by saying to yourself, or out loud, ‘I make an intention to let go of the belief, ‘I will always be this way’, then move on to the next one.
Doing this with the aid of an energy therapy like Zpoint or EFT will make this process incredibly powerful, I think, so if you do it this way, take care to do only a few beliefs at a time, maybe about 4 or 5 max. Let me know how it goes for you. Love Liz
http://www.stressalternatives.co.uk/
Thought I'd make a list of common sabotaging beliefs that possibly could be stopping us all making progress in whatever we decide to do for improvement for ourselves, as a follow on from the last blog.
I'm ploughing my way through them myself to test them out, and invite you to do the same. The idea is, as I've said in the last blog, is to take the 'brakes' off and let whatever we do or intend have a smoother path.
Here are the beliefs and prior decisions:
- This is just the way I am/ I will always be this way;
- I must always be careful / cautious;
- I can't cope with life;
- It’s too much effort to do things differently;
- I am too sick to change;
- I am too tired/ I don’t have the stamina;
- I am too damaged/ I’ve been through too much;
- I don’t need to change. I just want to feel better;
- I will end up with more responsibility/ People will want me to do more/ I won’t be able to live up to people’s expectations;
- I don’t deserve to feel better/ I’m not good enough/ I deserve to suffer;
- It will change me and I will lose friends/ I will not be accepted;
- I’m not clever/ interesting/ creative/ good enough;
- Once I’ve made my mind up, I don’t compromise;
- I only want perfection/ I have to do things right;
- I can’t let go or I’ll make the same mistake again;
- I can’t let go or I’ll feel something worse;
- If I change I won’t feel safe/ Change is too scary;
- Life was meant to be hard;
- Nothing ever works/ I’ve tried everything/ I’m fooling myself;
- I am only a woman/ child/ uneducated/ an ordinary person;
- I don’t have time to change habits/ I’ll get round to it later;
- There’s no easy way/ The mind is too complex and should be left to the experts;
- My brain chemistry is defective;
- You can’t change your inheritance/ My parents were the same;
- It’s all so hopeless;
- Life is pointless;
- Others need to change before I can be happy;
- I need to be slimmer/ better looking/ get my degree/ be married to … and have children/ have a lot of money before I can be happy;
- I need an escape;
- I will always be a worrier/ loser/ struggle/ a failure;
- I want to die/ destroy myself;
- I need lots of support/ I can’t do it on my own;
- I don’t care/ I’m already in trouble and I’ve nothing to lose;
- I’ll live fast and die young;
- I know myself best/ no-one can tell me what to do any more/ what do they know?/ I’ve heard it all before;
- I will never get over this/ forgive them for what they have done;
- I trust no-one/ People are always trying to get one over on me;
- I don’t trust women/ men/ authority figures/ doctors/ new age theories/ religion……..;
- I’m only fooling myself that things can get better/ I will never be cured;
- I have no power over my life;
- I never get what I want;
- I’m too old to change now;
- My problems take years to get over.
Some of these will jump out at you as obviously relating to you and others not so much. My suggestion is to start work on the obvious ones first, and any that you come up with yourself, and try the following:
Start by taking each belief and asking, ‘What if this was not true?’ That puts some doubt into your mind. Then make an intention to let it go, because it is causing you pain.
Do this by saying to yourself, or out loud, ‘I make an intention to let go of the belief, ‘I will always be this way’, then move on to the next one.
Doing this with the aid of an energy therapy like Zpoint or EFT will make this process incredibly powerful, I think, so if you do it this way, take care to do only a few beliefs at a time, maybe about 4 or 5 max. Let me know how it goes for you. Love Liz
http://www.stressalternatives.co.uk/
Saturday, 23 February 2008
Sabotage
Hi
Some of us have huge self-destruct buttons! Whenever we decide to do something that's good for us, we take one step forward and two steps back!. Life becomes a series of events in which we try to undo all the damage of the prior self destruct buttons being pressed.
Dieting is a great example of this. We have to go on it because we have been over-indulgent in the past and put on weight, then when we start on the diet, or the second we decide to go on the diet, we are sorely tempted by all the foods that will put the weight back on and more!
It would appear that we are always attracted to that which is bad for us! All of a sudden, whenever we decide to make improvements, we get obsessed by all the temptations that will do the opposite!
Whenever we decide to work on our confidence, we seem to fail at everything we try, or listen even more to all our negative thoughts about how useless we are. Whenever we decide to get out of our poverty consciousness, a load of unexpected bills arrive that make us give attention even more to the fact that we're skint!
It can appear that we are tempted by the devil! In fact, what is more likely is that what is active in our minds are our sabotaging beliefs that create tension and fear. They are our own 'demons' created by us in the past as a result of difficult experiences. At the time of formation they would have served a function as our attempt to make sense of the experience or to stop us getting hurt by any experience that is similar in the future.
For example, we might have experienced rejection by someone important to us, and often more than once, which could lead us to feeling empty and having a belief that we are unloveable, and that we can't trust people. Add to this a load of beliefs about thin people being more loveable and successful and gorgeous, and a 'memory'of treating ourselves in the past with lovely fattening foods, associating eating with comfort and 'self-nurturing', and we are set up in life to be a cyclical dieter and binger!
So, what would stop the sabotage?
Maybe success in the diet through sheer will power and persistence would be enough to make us let go of some of our self-deprecating beliefs, that would make the diet become easier, but the millions spent on the diet industry and the growing problem of obesity in the western world, suggests that just doing that doesn't work too well.
'Experts' tell us just to persist and persevere, and those that do have a better chance of success because they are not giving their sabotaging thoughts and beliefs any attention. When they appear, they get ignored and it's back to the diet.
The trouble comes when those 'demons' are louder than the sensible, logical desire to lose the weight. When this happens, dieting is pointless or can even be bad as we really do take one step forward and two steps back, or 10 pounds off and 12 pounds back on!
The degree of attachment we have to our sabotaging beliefs will determine how hard we have to work to get anywhere.
It's like driving a car with the brakes on. No matter what direction we take, or what task we take on, these 'brakes' will be active, unless we decide to let them off, i.e. let the thoughts go!
A lot of the thoughts will be from self-deprecating beliefs formed in childhood, given to us by our well-meaning parents and teachers, which was the fashionable way to make model citizens when I was a child!
But, what if we just made a decision to let go of all sabotaging beliefs, whether we can identify them or not?
The best way I know to do this is with energy therapies. Z point process takes advantage of the fact that we already know deep down what these beliefs are, and so does EFT and TAT.
How great would it be if we could start our journey by taking off the brakes first?
Check my web site for more information. www.stressalternatives.co.uk.
All the best
Liz
Some of us have huge self-destruct buttons! Whenever we decide to do something that's good for us, we take one step forward and two steps back!. Life becomes a series of events in which we try to undo all the damage of the prior self destruct buttons being pressed.
Dieting is a great example of this. We have to go on it because we have been over-indulgent in the past and put on weight, then when we start on the diet, or the second we decide to go on the diet, we are sorely tempted by all the foods that will put the weight back on and more!
It would appear that we are always attracted to that which is bad for us! All of a sudden, whenever we decide to make improvements, we get obsessed by all the temptations that will do the opposite!
Whenever we decide to work on our confidence, we seem to fail at everything we try, or listen even more to all our negative thoughts about how useless we are. Whenever we decide to get out of our poverty consciousness, a load of unexpected bills arrive that make us give attention even more to the fact that we're skint!
It can appear that we are tempted by the devil! In fact, what is more likely is that what is active in our minds are our sabotaging beliefs that create tension and fear. They are our own 'demons' created by us in the past as a result of difficult experiences. At the time of formation they would have served a function as our attempt to make sense of the experience or to stop us getting hurt by any experience that is similar in the future.
For example, we might have experienced rejection by someone important to us, and often more than once, which could lead us to feeling empty and having a belief that we are unloveable, and that we can't trust people. Add to this a load of beliefs about thin people being more loveable and successful and gorgeous, and a 'memory'of treating ourselves in the past with lovely fattening foods, associating eating with comfort and 'self-nurturing', and we are set up in life to be a cyclical dieter and binger!
So, what would stop the sabotage?
Maybe success in the diet through sheer will power and persistence would be enough to make us let go of some of our self-deprecating beliefs, that would make the diet become easier, but the millions spent on the diet industry and the growing problem of obesity in the western world, suggests that just doing that doesn't work too well.
'Experts' tell us just to persist and persevere, and those that do have a better chance of success because they are not giving their sabotaging thoughts and beliefs any attention. When they appear, they get ignored and it's back to the diet.
The trouble comes when those 'demons' are louder than the sensible, logical desire to lose the weight. When this happens, dieting is pointless or can even be bad as we really do take one step forward and two steps back, or 10 pounds off and 12 pounds back on!
The degree of attachment we have to our sabotaging beliefs will determine how hard we have to work to get anywhere.
It's like driving a car with the brakes on. No matter what direction we take, or what task we take on, these 'brakes' will be active, unless we decide to let them off, i.e. let the thoughts go!
A lot of the thoughts will be from self-deprecating beliefs formed in childhood, given to us by our well-meaning parents and teachers, which was the fashionable way to make model citizens when I was a child!
But, what if we just made a decision to let go of all sabotaging beliefs, whether we can identify them or not?
The best way I know to do this is with energy therapies. Z point process takes advantage of the fact that we already know deep down what these beliefs are, and so does EFT and TAT.
How great would it be if we could start our journey by taking off the brakes first?
Check my web site for more information. www.stressalternatives.co.uk.
All the best
Liz
Friday, 28 December 2007
Warning Signs
I got a new lease car two weeks ago, and I love it!
I discovered it has a feature that I've never had on any car I've previously had. When it needs diesel, a light comes on, as with other cars I've had, but this one, when it gets dangerously low in fuel, the light starts flashing on and off. I like this! I'm easily pleased!
Wouldn't it be great if we could have a wee warning system like that when it comes to nurturing our mind? If only we had a flashing light that came on when we stopped nurturing our mind.
Actually, we do have a warning system in place. They are called emotions. They let us know by causing us pain that we are thinking something that is bad for us. In a situation that triggers off these thoughts, such as being out of our comfort zone, or rising to an annoying comment, we 'hook'. This process of 'hooking', or thinking a series of thoughts cause the emotional pain.
For example, we might go down the road of thinking thoughts that we are not good enough in a social situation, which might lead to emotional pain of embarrassment and anxiety. We are so wrapped up in our thoughts, i.e. our 'hooking' that we can't be in the 'here and now', and enjoy the social interactions in an authentic way. On top of that, if we don't see the emotional pain for what it is, just the 'warning light', we can start adding more bad thoughts to the 'hook' about how painful it is to be so shy, or shaky, or blushing, or panicky, making the hook bigger and the pain bigger as a result.
But maybe if we seen the emotional pain as the warning light that we are 'hooking', we could 'unhook' or 'let go' and stop the emotional pain. My website has some good tips on how http://www.stressalternatives.co.uk/.
With the car, I might decide to be stubborn and ignore the flashing light, and carry on driving, but inevitably the car will come to a halt if I don't take decisive action and buy some fuel, no matter how new or shiny it is!
It isn't so clear cut with us humans if we ignore the warning signals. Yes, we probably come to a halt in the end, but we tend to chunter along for a while in a less than optimum way, getting ill; losing opportunities; forming addictions if we don't take decisive action to 'unhook'.
It's a new way of working, but it puts us in the driving seat!
Happy New Year
Liz
I discovered it has a feature that I've never had on any car I've previously had. When it needs diesel, a light comes on, as with other cars I've had, but this one, when it gets dangerously low in fuel, the light starts flashing on and off. I like this! I'm easily pleased!
Wouldn't it be great if we could have a wee warning system like that when it comes to nurturing our mind? If only we had a flashing light that came on when we stopped nurturing our mind.
Actually, we do have a warning system in place. They are called emotions. They let us know by causing us pain that we are thinking something that is bad for us. In a situation that triggers off these thoughts, such as being out of our comfort zone, or rising to an annoying comment, we 'hook'. This process of 'hooking', or thinking a series of thoughts cause the emotional pain.
For example, we might go down the road of thinking thoughts that we are not good enough in a social situation, which might lead to emotional pain of embarrassment and anxiety. We are so wrapped up in our thoughts, i.e. our 'hooking' that we can't be in the 'here and now', and enjoy the social interactions in an authentic way. On top of that, if we don't see the emotional pain for what it is, just the 'warning light', we can start adding more bad thoughts to the 'hook' about how painful it is to be so shy, or shaky, or blushing, or panicky, making the hook bigger and the pain bigger as a result.
But maybe if we seen the emotional pain as the warning light that we are 'hooking', we could 'unhook' or 'let go' and stop the emotional pain. My website has some good tips on how http://www.stressalternatives.co.uk/.
With the car, I might decide to be stubborn and ignore the flashing light, and carry on driving, but inevitably the car will come to a halt if I don't take decisive action and buy some fuel, no matter how new or shiny it is!
It isn't so clear cut with us humans if we ignore the warning signals. Yes, we probably come to a halt in the end, but we tend to chunter along for a while in a less than optimum way, getting ill; losing opportunities; forming addictions if we don't take decisive action to 'unhook'.
It's a new way of working, but it puts us in the driving seat!
Happy New Year
Liz
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
