There's one thing overcoming our fear of change but I and many others need a 'kick up the rear' before we move forward to improve things in our lives. It seems to me to be because of the way we were brought up or 'conditioned' in the home and our schools.
If we get punished for not behaving well, we bring that into the present and wait till we get 'punished', are in difficulty, we are at the end of our tether or get ill before we decide to change behaviour or improve something we are 'putting up' with, or get out of a bad situation.
Sometimes even that doesn't make us improve things. It might just allow us to see ourselves even more as a victim with no power over our lives. We might be still running the old conditioning that makes us believe we are wrong, bad, useless or unworthy.
So about waiting for something 'bad' to happen before we do something about it, I look back at my life and realise that I've functioned from this space quite a lot. I use words like, 'I'd better go and do the housework'. The 'I'd better' says a lot...that we 'make' ourselves do stuff we 'should' do but don't want to really instead of choosing to do it from a place of power. At some point I picked up that housework was an awful chore. I wonder if it was because my Mother thought it was or because I would fight with my sisters about who 'had' to do it. It somehow was conditioned into me.
Work in general has the same 'air' about it. For so many of us we associate work with that, 'I'd better' feeling. We end up fighting against ourselves to go to work or avoid it as if it's going to kill us or at least drain all our energy! We talk about 'working too hard' and 'needing a rest' when most of us have never had it so good and easy!
With an expression like a good 'work ethic' we have to make work an 'ethical' thing to do instead of our choice. Or we completely cut it off for 40 hours or so a week and get in a grump if we 'have' to work at home as well. I wonder if thats why our mind and body says 'no' when we come home and cook, do housework or look after the kids. How many of us just want to slump in a chair with a cuppa or a wine or 2 after work?
So what would happen if we find a way of rising above that 'have to' feeling whenever we have it? It's a 'heartsink' feeling that in reality is not useful. it's old programming. How easy is it for us to have energy when we are engrossed in something we love doing? Suddenly we can be like an Olympic runner (well almost!) when we do something we're passionate about.
And what if we are conditioned early on that everything is an effort? Could this even happen at a traumatic birth when Mum gets so tired during labour? Just a thought!
So this is what I'm going to try for the next while. I'm going to ask for and muster up enthusiasm for everything I consider to be 'work' which often includes for me getting up in the morning. For some folk and for me sometimes (though much less lately) anything that involves getting out of a chair has become 'work'. It's not our fault, just that if it didn't feel like effort in the mind, maybe the body would respond with enthusiasm, health, joy and energy. So when that feeling of 'I'd better' gets us remember we picked it up years ago and chuck it. and if you're having trouble knowing how, check out my website for an energy therapy that'll help. I'm hoping this will really lift my energy!
With Love and enthusiasm ;)
Liz www.stressalternatives.co.uk
Sunday, 27 May 2012
Sunday, 7 August 2011
Joe Bloggs....Notice the pun ;)
There was a wee lad called Joe.
When he was young, if he had a fall, or anything 'bad' happened around him, his Mum would freak out, literally draw in her breath and totally react as if he had died!
Its not surprising that he learned at an early age to 'be careful'. His Mum was always telling him to do this. He didn't do it for himself. In fact, he was a bit puzzled about it. He did it for his Mum, because he hated to see her afraid.
He became a good little boy who never took chances in case he died right in front of his Mum. He learned that his Mum was much more relaxed and happy if he held in his natural instinct to run and climb and swing on ropes and speed down hills on his bike with no hands.
He learned only to do these things when she wasn't there, but, even then a 50% part of him felt tense about it. The part that doubted and believed his Mother's story that he might die.
This tense part stopped him really being able to judge what was dangerous because he would either be wary and think that everything was a danger (like his Mother's story) and this stiffened his muscles, causing slowness and more likelihood of accident, or he would rebel against tha, taking risks, getting a huge adrenalin rush to the point of feeling invincible, and have more near misses and accidents, and get addicted to the adrenalin.
If he had been picked up calmly after a fall, dusted down, given a wash and plaster, given a hug and had the danger calmly pointed out to him, how different would his behaviour have been after?
Possibly, he would have no tension at all while running, climbing and riding his bike, but he would be more aware from previous falls what risks there were, and could 100% enjoy the activity, be totally alert and act in safe way at the same time.
What did that 50% tension end up doing?
Did it really keep him safe, or did it stop him living life to the full?
Even worse, could it have hung around with him, being triggered over and over again every time he seen a 'risk'? Could it have spread to others around him when he grew up the way his Mother's fear did? Could he have found himself having to have a few too many drinks after he drove home in busy traffic to calm himself? Could he have found himself having to stick to a rigid routine to keep 'surprises' at bay? Could he have panicked each time his teenage daughter or son went out with their friends, because that 50% part felt like they might die? Could he have found himself trying to control everyone around him in order to minimise his own fear, even though he couldn't figure out what he was afraid of?
Then, after a while, after developing several addictions like alcohol, prescription drugs, work and computer games, insomnia and depression, he might have gone for therapy. The therapist might have told him that fear was normal and protected him from danger. They might have put his fear down to one or two of the many incidents he noticed in his life where he experienced fear. After talking these incidents through in detail (at £100 per hour!) and figuring out where he had made bad decisions, still his fear may have remained!
Why? Because it wasn't his fear to begin with! It was his Mother's!
And, guess what? His Mother's fear wasn't hers to begin with either! Ding ding!!
I meet lads and lassies like Joe all the time at my work! (But I don't charge £100 per hour!)
So, the next time you feel fear, don't try to analyse or judge it. Just find a way to calm it. We've all been carrying all this on for far too long! For generations!
Time to stop and live our life!
Find out the easy ways to do it on my website.
www.stressalternatives.co.uk.
Love and Plasters
Liz :)
When he was young, if he had a fall, or anything 'bad' happened around him, his Mum would freak out, literally draw in her breath and totally react as if he had died!
Its not surprising that he learned at an early age to 'be careful'. His Mum was always telling him to do this. He didn't do it for himself. In fact, he was a bit puzzled about it. He did it for his Mum, because he hated to see her afraid.
He became a good little boy who never took chances in case he died right in front of his Mum. He learned that his Mum was much more relaxed and happy if he held in his natural instinct to run and climb and swing on ropes and speed down hills on his bike with no hands.
He learned only to do these things when she wasn't there, but, even then a 50% part of him felt tense about it. The part that doubted and believed his Mother's story that he might die.
This tense part stopped him really being able to judge what was dangerous because he would either be wary and think that everything was a danger (like his Mother's story) and this stiffened his muscles, causing slowness and more likelihood of accident, or he would rebel against tha, taking risks, getting a huge adrenalin rush to the point of feeling invincible, and have more near misses and accidents, and get addicted to the adrenalin.
If he had been picked up calmly after a fall, dusted down, given a wash and plaster, given a hug and had the danger calmly pointed out to him, how different would his behaviour have been after?
Possibly, he would have no tension at all while running, climbing and riding his bike, but he would be more aware from previous falls what risks there were, and could 100% enjoy the activity, be totally alert and act in safe way at the same time.
What did that 50% tension end up doing?
Did it really keep him safe, or did it stop him living life to the full?
Even worse, could it have hung around with him, being triggered over and over again every time he seen a 'risk'? Could it have spread to others around him when he grew up the way his Mother's fear did? Could he have found himself having to have a few too many drinks after he drove home in busy traffic to calm himself? Could he have found himself having to stick to a rigid routine to keep 'surprises' at bay? Could he have panicked each time his teenage daughter or son went out with their friends, because that 50% part felt like they might die? Could he have found himself trying to control everyone around him in order to minimise his own fear, even though he couldn't figure out what he was afraid of?
Then, after a while, after developing several addictions like alcohol, prescription drugs, work and computer games, insomnia and depression, he might have gone for therapy. The therapist might have told him that fear was normal and protected him from danger. They might have put his fear down to one or two of the many incidents he noticed in his life where he experienced fear. After talking these incidents through in detail (at £100 per hour!) and figuring out where he had made bad decisions, still his fear may have remained!
Why? Because it wasn't his fear to begin with! It was his Mother's!
And, guess what? His Mother's fear wasn't hers to begin with either! Ding ding!!
I meet lads and lassies like Joe all the time at my work! (But I don't charge £100 per hour!)
So, the next time you feel fear, don't try to analyse or judge it. Just find a way to calm it. We've all been carrying all this on for far too long! For generations!
Time to stop and live our life!
Find out the easy ways to do it on my website.
www.stressalternatives.co.uk.
Love and Plasters
Liz :)
Saturday, 16 July 2011
What Will Be Will Be: My Lesson as a Parent and Carer
Thinking...for a change...about caring about something, especially that which we can't change but would dearly love to.
Like the past: all the daft things we've done or said and regret.
Or the weather. We can't change that, but we can still allow ourselves to get upset about it.
Or the actions of someone else, especially if it's someone we 'care' about or if what they do affects us.
How hard is it to 'not care'? To allow what will be to be?
A lot of our lives, we spend 'caring' or striving to achieve that level of excellence that will gratify us and stop the dissatisfaction of things not being perfect.
'Acceptance' is seen as a dirty word for losers and the mediocre.
But, you know what? Acceptance is not 'giving in' and putting up with 'just good enough'.
In mindfulness, it is a principle of seeing how things really are and letting go of the judgement of it...the 'caring' about it. In fact, having any opinion on it at all...just witnessing it.
It doesn't mean that you then do nothing about it and give in to the situation, because that brings you to despair and depression.
Acceptance is only meant to make you feel better and more relaxed about it, then you can decide what to do next from a more objective place. How to 'duck and dive' and get over the hurdle, rather than plough your way through it and knacker yourself.
Feeling better about anything that's happening in our life, or whatever has happened will lead us to be more flexible, objective, compassionate, more able to adjust and more able to choose the best course of action next.
If something bad does happen, it's better to calm down about it before we react. The old saying, 'count to ten' is so right....but not easy:)
Those who find it hardest to accept are folk who have always 'tried' hard and have often got their success from working, pushing, not giving up, controlling and sometimes manipulating, and 'caring' about what they are doing, and, as long as they get their way...(the 'right' way), they feel great. (Not sure about those around them!)
Even I do it....(surprising no-one I live with) after 21 years of being a mother....silly me! I even do it sometimes with my patients. 'But, of course you should care about your patients!', I hear my ego say! Not when 'caring' and controlling are confused as the same. That's not caring!
That's the carers' sickness really. Often it's really hard for some of us 'carers' to detach from the potential outcome of our therapeutic input with a patient, or our 'care' of a child or sick relative.
When we 'care' or 'attach', we either do too much for them, disempowering them, and draining ourselves, or get annoyed, frustrated or indignant that they don't do what we want, and get critical and judgemental of them, or, worse, reject or cut them off because 'we know best' what they should do in their lives. (Sometimes we may be right, but we won't persuade them we are if we judge them!)
So, should we just accept that some folk...God forbid...think differently from us, and the people we care about go to rack and ruin because of it? No!
But, we have to be in a more objective place before we can really be good at truly caring..This is finally dawning on me....better late than never!
If I feel OK about whatever is going on, even the horrendous news on TV....or horrenous TV for that matter!....or the injustices and corruption all around, or the state of the country's finances and healthcare, or all my own mistakes, and all those who have 'wronged' me, and all my losses and failures, and even about folks I believe to be doing things that are bad for them, I can be more helpful to myself and the world from that place of 'acceptance', because I can think straight about what to do for the best.
But I keep forgetting to feel OK....Wish I had a better memory! I guess I could accept that too:)
Take 'care'.
Liz
www.stressalternatives.co.uk
Like the past: all the daft things we've done or said and regret.
Or the weather. We can't change that, but we can still allow ourselves to get upset about it.
Or the actions of someone else, especially if it's someone we 'care' about or if what they do affects us.
How hard is it to 'not care'? To allow what will be to be?
A lot of our lives, we spend 'caring' or striving to achieve that level of excellence that will gratify us and stop the dissatisfaction of things not being perfect.
'Acceptance' is seen as a dirty word for losers and the mediocre.
But, you know what? Acceptance is not 'giving in' and putting up with 'just good enough'.
In mindfulness, it is a principle of seeing how things really are and letting go of the judgement of it...the 'caring' about it. In fact, having any opinion on it at all...just witnessing it.
It doesn't mean that you then do nothing about it and give in to the situation, because that brings you to despair and depression.
Acceptance is only meant to make you feel better and more relaxed about it, then you can decide what to do next from a more objective place. How to 'duck and dive' and get over the hurdle, rather than plough your way through it and knacker yourself.
Feeling better about anything that's happening in our life, or whatever has happened will lead us to be more flexible, objective, compassionate, more able to adjust and more able to choose the best course of action next.
If something bad does happen, it's better to calm down about it before we react. The old saying, 'count to ten' is so right....but not easy:)
Those who find it hardest to accept are folk who have always 'tried' hard and have often got their success from working, pushing, not giving up, controlling and sometimes manipulating, and 'caring' about what they are doing, and, as long as they get their way...(the 'right' way), they feel great. (Not sure about those around them!)
Even I do it....(surprising no-one I live with) after 21 years of being a mother....silly me! I even do it sometimes with my patients. 'But, of course you should care about your patients!', I hear my ego say! Not when 'caring' and controlling are confused as the same. That's not caring!
That's the carers' sickness really. Often it's really hard for some of us 'carers' to detach from the potential outcome of our therapeutic input with a patient, or our 'care' of a child or sick relative.
When we 'care' or 'attach', we either do too much for them, disempowering them, and draining ourselves, or get annoyed, frustrated or indignant that they don't do what we want, and get critical and judgemental of them, or, worse, reject or cut them off because 'we know best' what they should do in their lives. (Sometimes we may be right, but we won't persuade them we are if we judge them!)
So, should we just accept that some folk...God forbid...think differently from us, and the people we care about go to rack and ruin because of it? No!
But, we have to be in a more objective place before we can really be good at truly caring..This is finally dawning on me....better late than never!
If I feel OK about whatever is going on, even the horrendous news on TV....or horrenous TV for that matter!....or the injustices and corruption all around, or the state of the country's finances and healthcare, or all my own mistakes, and all those who have 'wronged' me, and all my losses and failures, and even about folks I believe to be doing things that are bad for them, I can be more helpful to myself and the world from that place of 'acceptance', because I can think straight about what to do for the best.
But I keep forgetting to feel OK....Wish I had a better memory! I guess I could accept that too:)
Take 'care'.
Liz
www.stressalternatives.co.uk
Friday, 4 February 2011
Fixed!
Hey
Long time no write!
I blame facebook:) and life being amazing and becoming more amazing every day. You wouldn't think it from the outside, but there's a lot of stuff happening internally, and...any day now...!
I discovered 'meta-medicine', which helped me get into the ball park of the emotional cause for an irritating physical condition and I cured it with a simple process.
Fab! No drugs, remedies (although, believe me, I'd tried them all!) and it all took a few minutes. OMG!
It's amazing what you can achieve when you have an open mind! And good intention.
And you know, all I did was 'allow' as opposed to 'try'! But that takes getting yourself out of the way.
Anyway thanks to meta-medicine, and a visit to a past event and letting go of the emotion that was trapped at that point, I can go the whole night without goin to the loo...Ah joy!
www.metamedicine.com
Love Liz
Long time no write!
I blame facebook:) and life being amazing and becoming more amazing every day. You wouldn't think it from the outside, but there's a lot of stuff happening internally, and...any day now...!
I discovered 'meta-medicine', which helped me get into the ball park of the emotional cause for an irritating physical condition and I cured it with a simple process.
Fab! No drugs, remedies (although, believe me, I'd tried them all!) and it all took a few minutes. OMG!
It's amazing what you can achieve when you have an open mind! And good intention.
And you know, all I did was 'allow' as opposed to 'try'! But that takes getting yourself out of the way.
Anyway thanks to meta-medicine, and a visit to a past event and letting go of the emotion that was trapped at that point, I can go the whole night without goin to the loo...Ah joy!
www.metamedicine.com
Love Liz
Monday, 5 April 2010
'As If'
Hey
Doing a lot of letting go of old fearful beliefs, thoughts and feelings just now.
For some, and myself included, I logically know that fear just gets in the way of seeing things clearly and objectively, but still there's a large part of me resists letting go and getting to a calm place, particularly when it comes to thinking about specific topics. Money, for instance! Myself, for another instance!
And when I think logically about it, it all makes so much sense, but something deep down gives it, 'whoaahh horsey'! Shove on the brakes. Don't calm down. Keep that tension!
Is it all down to habits? Did I cheerfully take on my parents' beliefs about money for instance, and kept a hold of them cos I wanted to be like them, or I didn't trust myself that I'd not live in poverty with nothing to my name if I didn't 'care' about money?
And there's a lot of self-help advice around that says we should 'act as if' we had what we want. And same with life in general. Acting 'as if' will expose us to the threat we feel till we are so used to it, we calm down about it.
But, we can't go around spending money we don't have, for Pete's sake! That's a totally stupid thing to do! (Yes Banks!) It's also pretty stupid to spend every penny we earn and not invest for the future when we can't earn. It's easy to see the whole human race, near enough, shares my fear around money. Some never spend and some spend too much but both are out of balance!
Now what if we just felt 'as if' we had no money worries first? Then we could decide in our calm state, what course of action to take for the best. Stability would be our starting point, and our finishing point too!
So lets work at feeling OK about our 'demons', so 'feeling as if' before 'acting as if'. That means getting right down to the roots in our subconscious, at the beliefs.
It's easier than you think with new energy therapies.
For example, check ou my new ZPoint self help guide from the website.
www.stressalternatives.co.uk
Giddy up Horsey:)
Doing a lot of letting go of old fearful beliefs, thoughts and feelings just now.
For some, and myself included, I logically know that fear just gets in the way of seeing things clearly and objectively, but still there's a large part of me resists letting go and getting to a calm place, particularly when it comes to thinking about specific topics. Money, for instance! Myself, for another instance!
And when I think logically about it, it all makes so much sense, but something deep down gives it, 'whoaahh horsey'! Shove on the brakes. Don't calm down. Keep that tension!
Is it all down to habits? Did I cheerfully take on my parents' beliefs about money for instance, and kept a hold of them cos I wanted to be like them, or I didn't trust myself that I'd not live in poverty with nothing to my name if I didn't 'care' about money?
And there's a lot of self-help advice around that says we should 'act as if' we had what we want. And same with life in general. Acting 'as if' will expose us to the threat we feel till we are so used to it, we calm down about it.
But, we can't go around spending money we don't have, for Pete's sake! That's a totally stupid thing to do! (Yes Banks!) It's also pretty stupid to spend every penny we earn and not invest for the future when we can't earn. It's easy to see the whole human race, near enough, shares my fear around money. Some never spend and some spend too much but both are out of balance!
Now what if we just felt 'as if' we had no money worries first? Then we could decide in our calm state, what course of action to take for the best. Stability would be our starting point, and our finishing point too!
So lets work at feeling OK about our 'demons', so 'feeling as if' before 'acting as if'. That means getting right down to the roots in our subconscious, at the beliefs.
It's easier than you think with new energy therapies.
For example, check ou my new ZPoint self help guide from the website.
www.stressalternatives.co.uk
Giddy up Horsey:)
Sunday, 28 March 2010
In Favour of Calmness and Inner Peace
The other day I helped with a first aid situation. A friend lost her footing and fell backwards down a stone staircase, hitting her head. With my nurses head on, I and several others went into rescue mode. As we sat her up, it was obvious she had cut the back of her head and blood was pouring all over very dramatically.
The outcome for her was fine, though for her clothes maybe not so good.
What was interesting was the reaction of other people in the group. My poor little daughter, who hadn't witnessed anything so horrific before, went white. She had gone into shock. Others probably did too.
Others were calm enough to assist with chairs, paper towels, wipes, etc on our orders. My mother (bless her) went into 'disaster' mode and decided she would need at least an X ray, if not emergency brain surgery!
I was grateful a 'proper' nurse was there, who calmed us all by knowing exactly what to do, and that it wasn't a serious injury.
Meanwhile, the victim of the fall was more concerned that we didn't get blood on our clothes than about herself.
It makes me think of a fear 'continuum' or 'slope'. At an extreme top end, my daughter was so shocked, she 'shut off', and people who faint at the sight of blood shut off even more. Further down that slope, there was my mum, panicking and throwing her fear around by voicing the worst in front of the patient. Then further down were a few others who did their bit to help, including myself. Then the calmest was the nurse who took control, knew exactly what to do, worked on the injury and kept us all calm.
With any situation, a similar fear 'slope' is felt within us. At the top end, we shut off, not feeling the feelinngs and we can't think straight. Further down, we might feel the fear more, but we see disaster round the corner, and throw that fear around. As we get calmer, we can think most objectively and function at our best.
Some may misunderstand and think that total calmness would cause us to do nothing, and 'not care', but I'd put that in the 'shut off' area.
I don't believe that we need a little bit of tension to function, as is often suggested by psychologists. When we're calm, we think straight. We can still have drive, enthusiasm, joy, and energy and be calm. In fact, it is essential for true optimum functioning. Tension gets in the way of enjoying all of the good things.
So, what if we are someone who faints at the sight of blood, or is phobic of heights, loses our temper before we can stop ourself, or gets panicky as soon as the spotlight hits us, or gets unexplained pain, emotional or physical? They all point to that underlying tension in what most people call our subconscious mind. There are 'programmes' or belief systems running underneath that feed the tension, or what energy therapists call vibrational frequencies.
Our behaviour, thoughts, feelings and body reactions are clues to us about our underlying programmes. They are like the mushrooms that show up above ground that indicate the main fungus underneath the soil. They are our pain, but also are our potential start of a way out of the pain. There is a saying by Werner Erhard: 'The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off'. Pain is our messenger, not our enemy. Now, isn't that a good way to look at it? We can never any more be a victim to it. We can 'let go' or calm ourselves when we feel it.
Going back to beginning to tackle the fear, we can do so much by intention to let go every time we feel it, and using a technique or practice to calm on a regular basis for the background 'fungus'.
Loads of quick calming techniques to try for free on my website. www.stressalternatives.co.uk.
All the Best
Liz
The outcome for her was fine, though for her clothes maybe not so good.
What was interesting was the reaction of other people in the group. My poor little daughter, who hadn't witnessed anything so horrific before, went white. She had gone into shock. Others probably did too.
Others were calm enough to assist with chairs, paper towels, wipes, etc on our orders. My mother (bless her) went into 'disaster' mode and decided she would need at least an X ray, if not emergency brain surgery!
I was grateful a 'proper' nurse was there, who calmed us all by knowing exactly what to do, and that it wasn't a serious injury.
Meanwhile, the victim of the fall was more concerned that we didn't get blood on our clothes than about herself.
It makes me think of a fear 'continuum' or 'slope'. At an extreme top end, my daughter was so shocked, she 'shut off', and people who faint at the sight of blood shut off even more. Further down that slope, there was my mum, panicking and throwing her fear around by voicing the worst in front of the patient. Then further down were a few others who did their bit to help, including myself. Then the calmest was the nurse who took control, knew exactly what to do, worked on the injury and kept us all calm.
With any situation, a similar fear 'slope' is felt within us. At the top end, we shut off, not feeling the feelinngs and we can't think straight. Further down, we might feel the fear more, but we see disaster round the corner, and throw that fear around. As we get calmer, we can think most objectively and function at our best.
Some may misunderstand and think that total calmness would cause us to do nothing, and 'not care', but I'd put that in the 'shut off' area.
I don't believe that we need a little bit of tension to function, as is often suggested by psychologists. When we're calm, we think straight. We can still have drive, enthusiasm, joy, and energy and be calm. In fact, it is essential for true optimum functioning. Tension gets in the way of enjoying all of the good things.
So, what if we are someone who faints at the sight of blood, or is phobic of heights, loses our temper before we can stop ourself, or gets panicky as soon as the spotlight hits us, or gets unexplained pain, emotional or physical? They all point to that underlying tension in what most people call our subconscious mind. There are 'programmes' or belief systems running underneath that feed the tension, or what energy therapists call vibrational frequencies.
Our behaviour, thoughts, feelings and body reactions are clues to us about our underlying programmes. They are like the mushrooms that show up above ground that indicate the main fungus underneath the soil. They are our pain, but also are our potential start of a way out of the pain. There is a saying by Werner Erhard: 'The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off'. Pain is our messenger, not our enemy. Now, isn't that a good way to look at it? We can never any more be a victim to it. We can 'let go' or calm ourselves when we feel it.
Going back to beginning to tackle the fear, we can do so much by intention to let go every time we feel it, and using a technique or practice to calm on a regular basis for the background 'fungus'.
Loads of quick calming techniques to try for free on my website. www.stressalternatives.co.uk.
All the Best
Liz
Saturday, 30 January 2010
Calming our Naughty Child Inside
Hi
Here's a different way to look at our stress.
What if we could see it as the stressed naughty child inside of us that clambers for our attention? Long ago this child was born inside us, often as a result of a difficult event in our little susceptible young minds.
We might have matured as adults, but some part of us is stuck in the past, creating that pattern of thoughts, emotional tension and behaviour. That part kind of got stuck and didn't mature alongside us, even though it is still part of us.
We do all sorts of things to avoid or deal with that stress our child inside displays to us. See my blog, How to increase your emotional pain and keep it alive. We give it plenty of negative attention in the form of ignoring it, fighting it, suppressing it etc., and, like the naughty child, it ends up ruling us, and stopping us really living life to the full.
Often it's a crisis such as illness, addiction, relationship conflict or depression that can make us stop and examine the stressed child. Sometimes, even these crises have to be experienced over and over, and medical treatment failing or a new relationship create the same old problems.
Actually, the stressed child is not the 'devil incarnate' tho we sometimes call them our 'inner demons'. That younger part of us made certain conclusions and decisions during that difficult time in our lives that helped us make sense of and cope with what was going on at the time. Things like 'I'm not as good as others' in response to a failure, or 'I'll never get over ....' or 'I'll have to make up for being bad' keep the child stuck in the past and keep the program running in our subconscious mind, and all we know is that we feel panic when we get critisised or anger when we are ignored or guilty when we have to say no.
In traditional therapy, we would try and identify when the stressed child was born and try to understand it. This is fine, but takes a long time and isn't easy to do on one's own, but, like when you talk to the stressed child, it stops stressing.
In energy therapies, we just aim to calm that stressed child as quick as possible. When a child keeps tugging at you looking for attention, any good attention will calm them and bring out the best in them. Bad attention will just keep it stressed.
Next time that immature part of us causes stressed feelings, instead of thinking, 'This should not be happening!', we could try imagining us and it working together arm in arm to help us. I suspect that as a result of that alone without any fancy therapy it would start to grow up quite quickly and stop stressing itself and us!
For all the quick calming measures though, see my website: www.stressalternatives.co.uk.
Happy 2010 from Liz!
Here's a different way to look at our stress.
What if we could see it as the stressed naughty child inside of us that clambers for our attention? Long ago this child was born inside us, often as a result of a difficult event in our little susceptible young minds.
We might have matured as adults, but some part of us is stuck in the past, creating that pattern of thoughts, emotional tension and behaviour. That part kind of got stuck and didn't mature alongside us, even though it is still part of us.
We do all sorts of things to avoid or deal with that stress our child inside displays to us. See my blog, How to increase your emotional pain and keep it alive. We give it plenty of negative attention in the form of ignoring it, fighting it, suppressing it etc., and, like the naughty child, it ends up ruling us, and stopping us really living life to the full.
Often it's a crisis such as illness, addiction, relationship conflict or depression that can make us stop and examine the stressed child. Sometimes, even these crises have to be experienced over and over, and medical treatment failing or a new relationship create the same old problems.
Actually, the stressed child is not the 'devil incarnate' tho we sometimes call them our 'inner demons'. That younger part of us made certain conclusions and decisions during that difficult time in our lives that helped us make sense of and cope with what was going on at the time. Things like 'I'm not as good as others' in response to a failure, or 'I'll never get over ....' or 'I'll have to make up for being bad' keep the child stuck in the past and keep the program running in our subconscious mind, and all we know is that we feel panic when we get critisised or anger when we are ignored or guilty when we have to say no.
In traditional therapy, we would try and identify when the stressed child was born and try to understand it. This is fine, but takes a long time and isn't easy to do on one's own, but, like when you talk to the stressed child, it stops stressing.
In energy therapies, we just aim to calm that stressed child as quick as possible. When a child keeps tugging at you looking for attention, any good attention will calm them and bring out the best in them. Bad attention will just keep it stressed.
Next time that immature part of us causes stressed feelings, instead of thinking, 'This should not be happening!', we could try imagining us and it working together arm in arm to help us. I suspect that as a result of that alone without any fancy therapy it would start to grow up quite quickly and stop stressing itself and us!
For all the quick calming measures though, see my website: www.stressalternatives.co.uk.
Happy 2010 from Liz!
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